Feelings hurt

My fiancé and I got engaged at the beginning of October last year and immediately starting researching and touring venues because we believed we wanted a year engagement. During that time he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the planning itself and probably would have assumed we were looking too soon if it wasn't for covid. After looking we switched to a 2 year engagement because all but one venue was booked over a year out, so it's not too soon for you to be looking at all!

We talked about the beginning of our engagement again when I showed him this post and he said the reason he wasn't about the actual wedding planning was because he was still sort of coming down from planning a proposal. We don't really do surprises or keep lots from each other, and I know it absolutely killed him that he had a 2 week period of sneaking around to buy my ring, go talk to my parents, set up our trip, and then not start talking to me like we were already engaged the day before he popped the question.

Not that it excuses the name calling your FH did, at all, but maybe he expected the "newly engaged" period of your relationship to last a bit longer. Either way, it's definitely important to work this out in counseling and try to figure out where this hostility is coming from. You don't deserve that at all, especially when you're just excited to marry him! You said you've been together for 5 years; is this normal behavior for him when he gets stressed or you guys disagree? I saw that you mentioned he might be scared about marriage due to his mom's views, so maybe he's hoping going to therapy can help ease his fears and make this more enjoyable. I truly wish you the best and I hope you guys can figure this out together.

View Quoted Comment Did you ask him how he was feeling about everything before you ended the conversation?

Nope you’re not , I would have been upset also I just got engaged May 8th and I’ve been planing since I already picked a place ( didn’t book yet) and I’m planing for April 2023 wedding if my fiancé would have said that I would be upset. I hope he doesn’t say it !

View Quoted Comment ❤️❤️I hope all is well now!

I definitely think that you are not being unreasonable and it's him that is doing so.

View Quoted Comment

Anytime, Jeree

I started looking at venues before my fiancé even proposed (we were trying shopping at this point though) 😅 he said the same thing to me and after I explained my reasoning and that venues book up fast he understood and let me do my thing lol. At first he was annoyed with the back to back planning but now we’re only 4 months away and it’s been a breeze since I was head strong about getting Pinterest ideas and venues looked at right away.

Pre marital counseling is a fantastic idea! I think he could have handled his stress a little better but that's one of the main points of premarital counseling. Learning how to communicate our fears and stresses. It's something literally every couple should do before marriage. It cuts down on the chance of divorcing later by a lot. Also, worst case scenario is you guys find you're not compatible but it's better to find that out early. That's unlikely though. Mostly, he is obviously not wanting to rush this since you guys are waiting almost 2 years to get married. So I would just enjoy the engagement for a few months since that's obviously what your partner wants.
Biggest thing though, when something like this happens, before getting hurt and resentful you need to sit down and communicate. Not in a defensive or emotional way. Instead communicate in a way where you're genuinely curious about why he said that and what he's feeling. Then actually care about what he says and compromise. It's important you guys figure out how to do that before marriage anyway or it won't last.
Also, get ready for the man not caring about being super involved in every little detail. For most men that's just their nature. You will work it out. Just step back for a bit and enjoy the engagement. It's much too early to plan anything concrete. Anything could happen and you don't want to lose your money because you paid for a venue 2 years out and your lives or style did a 180. Good luck!

My husband did the same thing. He felt like the wedding date was too soon and requested premarital counseling. I agreed with counseling but felt like we had dated long enough (6 years) and I didn’t want a long engagement. So I continued on with planning while we scheduled premarital counseling.


Honestly, I think it takes men, at least my man, longer to adjust with change. It’s just nerves.
Also my husband was not interested in wedding planning. This is not uncommon. So I did 98% of the planning. A close friend of mine told me her husband was the same way.
If I were you I would keep the ball rolling with planning and include him on a need to know basis.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I like that plan.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I wish you both an amazing life together.

View Quoted Comment Thank you.

View Quoted Comment I hope so too. It was mean.

View Quoted Comment No. I didn't.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I appreciate your feedback.

View Quoted Comment I really appreciate that. Thank you.

View Quoted Comment Thank you.

I don’t think you are wrong in your thinking or your feelings. My FH and I got engaged in September and had our venue booked in October. It’s never too early for the venue in my opinion especially since covid pushed so many weddings back. Just like another poster said getting engaged is to signify that you intend to get married. I could understand if you booked the venue, catered, dj, photographers etc but it’s just the venue and honestly the earlier you get a head start the better.

View Quoted Comment I were getting married in October 2022 and I am going through the same thing now we have venue picked I paid the deposit, I make more than my fiance I have been booking vendors because of the shear fact that many are booked due to covid backlog but am being told that I am rushing things and it's hurtful.