Female Role

Maybe some thoughtful choice of her outfit could be a compromise on the aesthetic? For example, if your bridesmaids are wearing bright dresses and the rest of his party are wearing black suits, his best friend could wear a neutral colored dress or a suit? Or his female best man and your maid of honor could wear the same color dress, with his other groomsmen and your other bridesmaids in neutrals. It might not be symmetrical in the way you envisioned, but it would be meeting halfway between his desire for his best friend's inclusion, and your aesthetic preferences. I think that would be a kind gesture on your part, since you know you don't want the other aesthetic solution of her standing on your side.

Ultimately, "who stands where" is either about aesthetics, or about relationships. In your wedding, you said you're leaning towards relationships - who stands with you is about who is special in your life. So who stands with him should be about who is special is his life. On the other hand, if the aesthetics are the deciding factor, she could stand on your side.

She should stand on his side because he wants her there. Each of you gets to choose your own attendants. You can suggest wardrobe changes to make her blend in better — maybe a black dress so she fits with the men’s tuxes — but vetoing your fiancé’s choice of best man for nothing but aesthetics is really starting off on the wrong foot.

She needs to stand on his side or else be a regular guest. Many women stand as a best woman and it’s not weird. You are correct that your side is your choice of people who are in your personal support group, not his as well for aesthetics. He has no control over your bridesmaids in any way just like you have no control over his groomsmen, aside from agreeing on clothing colors/styles. Being a regular guest who is invited is a big honor and it’s not necessary to create a new role for aesthetics, because that is the wrong reason.

I think you need to take a step back and look at where your priorities are. This is a wedding, not a photo shoot. This is an event about you AND your fiancé. You are correct, your side is for your girls. And his side is for the people special in HIS life. It is grossly inappropriate and sexist to say a female cannot stand on the groom’s side. You need to start prioritizing your groom, his feelings, and his desires for the wedding. If this is the most special person in his life, who he wants to stand next to him on one of the most important days of his life, you should be supporting that. His feelings should always trump your desired aesthetic for a photo.

Sorry but this isn't up to you. Just like it wouldn't be up to him who is on your side. My husband has a female bf and she was on his side. I also had my brother on my side because we are incredibly close. His desire to have this friend be part of the bridal party and stand on his side overrules your desire to have a certain look.

Thanks guys for putting it in a different perspective for me. You all are absolutely right when it comes down to his choice for his side. I honestly wasn’t even thinking that way, just solely on my “ideal” traditional wedding. So selfish of me! Anyways can’t wait to revisit this topic with him and come to an agreement.

I appreciate all the feedback!!! 💕🫶🏾

View Quoted Comment I hope everything comes together beautifully for you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! 😊

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That's great! I hope you have a ceremony that is beautiful and joyful for both of you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! 💕