fh fallen out with family

This is your FH’s decision. If he doesn’t want to invite them, be supportive of that.

I wouldn’t want any drama on my wedding day; so I would not invite them. I think you would be really sad to tell yourself you knew better if something happened. Good luck, it’s good you’re thinking it through and making peace with your decision now.

View Quoted Comment I agree. I get that you feel guilty but his wishes need to be respected. If his father is invited he probably wouldn't come with the stepmother. I would block her number BTW.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely this. His decision and it seems it’ll be a lot less stress and drama if they’re not there.

We had a similar situation, with my husband’s mom being horrible to me and to him as well. I was a little concerned about other relatives of his causing drama at the wedding due to standing up for her and such, but we also didn’t feel it was right to not invite members of his family because of what they “might” do, you know? There was A LOT of drama building up to it of course but ultimately some of his relatives came and we had a discussion with them prior to the wedding that our wedding weekend was to be a mom-free zone. We explained the situation was too upsetting for him to be reminded of and he just wanted to enjoy his wedding with the people who are there. They were warned that if they couldn’t keep from talking about her, they shouldn’t bother coming, and that if they did bring her up, they’d be nicely asked once to drop it and if they didn’t, they’d be asked to please leave.


Aside from my brother in law (who is special needs) throwing a minor tantrum at the rehearsal dinner about his mom not being there and then calling me a b*** (my father in law took him outside for a few mins and when they came back he apologized) everything was calm and good!

Really it’s your FH’s decision but as his fiancée you can definitely help him see both sides of it. I would of course not invite the people who have been actively horrible to you but you may want to help him weigh the pros and cons of excluding his dad and especially his other relatives who have nothing to do with the situation.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your response, it’s been really helpful to read about a similar experience! It sounds like it was quite a rocky ride to get there but I’m so glad that you ended up having a beautiful and drama-free day! How did you deal with the drama that came as a result of his mother not being invited?

I also think it’s fine if he doesn’t want them there. You should have the people who support you and love you

I understand not wanting to invite them. But I think you would be happier with whatever decision you make if FI were to invite just his dad out for Dinner, or drinks, or bowling or to shoot pool, something companionable and just Dad and son. Then they should talk. FI can say, they ( step mom, and sister) have been so critical of us on social media, and in person, FI has concluded they have no positive interest in him or his future wife. But how Does Dad feel about things. Don't bring up, why didn't you stop Stepmom. Stuff. Just, do you want to stay in touch, Dad? Do you want to come to the wedding? Or do you want to skip that, but have us get together regularly? Dad and his Son? Start with that. As for that whole side of the family, go by whether or not FI enjoys their company, and wants to stay in touch. How they feel about Dad coming or not , does not matter. For all you know, they don't like her either, but accept her as Dad's chosen spouse, for good or bad. So if anything comes up, those relatives ask if Dad and family are coming.ing, just say that stepmother has chosen to push us away from Dad, and we do not deal with that. Dad will take care of his household, as he sees fit. Then subject ************@*****.*** sed, go on to another subject. Not SMIL bashing, even if they start it. Just, I respect the fact that Dad is married and don't feel right talking about SM .
Ten years from now, maybe you will have kids. Does FH want to cut off half his family, now and long term? His choice. But if he thinks he might want folks around, and for his kids to have cousins on that side that they know, then it would be wise to disregard the Dad and stepmother issues, and decide which relatives to invite based on how close FH feels to each couple or individual. If Dad were to die in a couple years, would FI with he had kept a relationship with Dad, and not let stepmom come between them? If Dad becomes disabled or senile , are you going to invite him to live with you? Or are you going to let step mom care for him, and be glad she does? In which case, just being civil though there is no good feeling may be better over time. FI does not want regrets. The wedding is not the most important thing. If FH and his Dad see each other now and again, just the two of them, that will be okay. So preserve that, if FH cares.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your in-depth response. I’d be interested in encouraging FH to meet up with his dad in the context of something companionable. It’s just difficult because he is angry and hurt that his dad has never admitted fault and won’t say sorry about anything that has happened between us, nor will he acknowledge how awful his wife has been to us. His dad just wants to glaze over what happened and pretend nothing happened at all. We’re very much the opposite - in order to even consider moving on, we need them to acknowledge that they understand that they’ve done wrong (to make sure they don’t do it again). That has not yet been achieved, so FH won’t even consider meeting at this point. Thank you for the advice though!

It sounds like your FH has been very supportive of you through all of this, even cutting out his family because of how they treat you. I think you should be supportive of him and his decision to not invite them. If you want to mention a few things that Judith listed to him, that's ok, but I wouldn't put any pressure on him about it. It's his decision to make.

View Quoted Comment There was mostly drama building up to it, that every time we’d talk to them it would be like “I really hope you can reconcile with your mother” etc. we actually tried to at one point and then she was so awful that day that it passed the point of no return, and at that point she even said “don’t bother inviting me because I won’t come anyway.” We sat his family down and just said look, we wish we could have a good relationship with her and for years we’ve been willing to try, but with the way she’s behaving even after we’ve tried to make peace with her, we just can’t have her there.


I’m not going to lie and say it’s been peaceful by any means because they weren’t happy about it then and they aren’t now, and there’s still soo many problems around it but... at least during our wedding weekend it was mostly a non-issue and we were able to enjoy that!

I definitely mirror pps views that it really is your FH's decision if he wants none of his family members there. Anything he decides, you should just support. All the best I don't blame you for feeling guilty though. I would too, but ultimately, it's his decision.

It’s pretty simple. He doesn’t want them there under any circumstances, and that’s his call to make. My FH doesn’t want his sister at our wedding (I don’t either) and I am also anxious about the trouble it may cause but he doesn’t want her there so That’s final.

The right thing to do is let FH handle his family. Just let him know you support whatever he decides and don't offer any opinions, advice, etc unless he specifically asks for it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much to everyone who has responded. It’s been so helpful to read all of your comments and I feel a lot more comfortable knowing it’s not my responsibility to deal with his side of the family. Much love! 💕

If your FH doesn't want them there, the decision is made. I would also block his stepmother's number from your phone!