fh family too involved?

Dont accept her offer to pay. Thats really the best way to make sure she cant hold it over your head. I would also talk to your FH about making this stand. She's his aunt and he should be responsible for his family boundaries. You dont need that kind of stress in your life.

Pay for your own wedding and make all the decisions yourself.

The fact the FH's auntie is formal is NOT your problem, neither is FH's since you're paying for a large majority of the bill yourselves.
If you accept her money for the stuff you mentioned, only give her a say on these, nothing else.
When she puts her nose on things that are none of her business "FH and I (or I) have a vision end we(I) know what we do and don't want." ", I hope you'll respect thatwe want our wedding day to reflect our relationship and values"As for the extra guests the FIL wants to invite: you said you don't want them there coz you don't know them, this is a totally valid reason to say "NO". Just explain the auntie why you don't want to add them. Tell her this is not about money, it's about NOT having people you don't know.If you wanna be bold, remind her (and FIL) that it's your and FH's wedding? not theirs.I am wondering: why are you "only" paying for 98,9% rather than 100%? Paying for 100% would make your decision-making WAYYYYYYY easier.

Decline the money. Her “generous” offer comes with strings attached and is going to make the planning process miserable for you. Free linens aren’t worth sacrificing your wedding vision for.

Has she actually threatened to rescind her offer if you don't give her her way? Or is it just something concerning you might happen? If she hasn't actually made the threat, stand up to her. You might be surprised, she might let it go and still want to help you. If she does threaten to take her money away.. bye Auntie and your money lol. (In which case your FH should tell her, its his family after all )

First thing is to not accept her money. Be very clear that you and your FH are paying and doing the wedding in a way that suits the two of you. Explain that this is your vision and would appreciate if everyone could respect that. I know this is a tough situation, but you need to say something sooner rather than later.

The minute that someone else pays even a penny, you have handed over decisions to them to make. Avoid that by covering all expenses yourself and cut out whatever you can’t afford and that is not important to you. Who is covering the other 1% in your situation? Give back the money immediately.


Aunt is overstepping. It doesn’t matter that she is willing to pay extra because she doesn’t have the right to ask. Set and maintain boundaries now as a team because she will continue to do so after the wedding (pressuring where you live and work, where you and children spend holidays, etc) if you don’t stand firm. Repeat to her that you have the guest list covered and there is still a pandemic so venues are strict with capacity limits.

Actually sounds like she's planning to pay for a significant portion of the event. She will likely feel entitled to make decisions based on that. I'd stay far away from her money. Thank her very much for the offer but you have it covered. Then set boundaries and keep them. "Sorry, that's not up for discussion" is enough. As soon as you give reasons she'll find a way around them.