fh inviting his ex crush to our wedding

This is definitely an issue that needs immediate attention. Although men & women can be friends, their is a line. I wouldn't be comfortable with any of that either, and your feelings are justified. Your FH is not respecting you in this situation. I strongly suggest couples counseling. A third person would be extremely beneficial in helping your FH see your side, you see his side, and help y'all communicate and work through this. I would not let this simmer, because if you do, it will blow up in a really bad way later on. Good luck, sorry you are having to deal with this.

I agree with everything mentioned above! Even if this was one of his male guests, the amount of effort he is putting forth is very odd. I'm really not sure what advice I have, but your feelings are definitely justified. Have you talked with anyone else about this? It just seems like he doesn't care at all about your feelings which is not right, even if there isn't anything going on with them.

I would definitely try to find a 3rd person to help you both see each others points of view to work through it. A professional would be best. The effort he is putting forth to invite her is unusual and uncalled for. He should have taken your feelings into consideration from the very begining but his lack of respect for how you feel is a HUGE red flag.

Part of getting married is about forsaking all others... if he doesn't understand this, that is a problem. I was very close friends with my ex (we dated for years, but broke up because the feelings weren't romantic). I felt that having him there would be great for me, but that my FH might be bothered by it. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel uncomfortable on our first step into a life as a family... so I just called him and told him that and it was respected. This day is about you both. She shouldn't even be a factor in my opinion. If he isn't listening to your feelings, then it may be something you need to talk directly with her about. Your feelings should come before hers... and it sounds to me like he is putting her feelings above yours.

This is a hard and uncomfortable situation. As a PP said there is no issues with guy/girl friendships IF its ONLY that. I personally would think it's weird if my FH spent a lot of his time on the phone with his ex crush. Maybe it's the jealous side of me. But, NONE of this is okay. NONE. And it isn't justified. You need to put your foot down. You are his FW, YOU are his spouse, YOU are the love of his life and he needs to put your feelings first and foremost.

He should not be getting mad because you don't want your husbands (then) ex crush in the same car as you guys AFTER you have gotten married and shared vows together. Ask him how he would feel if you put him in that situation and went out of your way to put this mans feelings he doesn't know above his.

I think his approach to talking to you about it is manipulative. It's like he's making you feel crazy for being "jealous." It's on her to find transportation, and if she cannot figure it out, she shouldn't attend. For whatever reason, she seems to have him wrapped around her finger. That would bother me.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this surrounding your wedding! Every woman you talk to will have a story about her man and some other girl whos name puts a bit of a pit in her stomach. I think it's fine she is coming to the wedding, he doesn't want to sever the friendship entirely, but he definitely needs to be hands off with this. No way she should be heading back with you guys, super weird he's having a friend pick her up, he needs to tell her he can't be the guy she calls about everything. You know this, I know this, and girl you talk to will know this, any guy married more than 5 years will know this...do some pre marital counseling. Be confident and know this: as much as your FH is confused, YOU are in the right in this situation. Don't gossip with friends about it and bring them in as third parties (you'll make it worse, and then you're putting yourself in the wrong. Flip the tables and imagine there was some guy he thought you were too close with, and he told you all his friends felt the same...now it doesn't matter if you agree with him, you're mad he was gossiping), go to someone professional (or a pastor for premarital if you're in that crowd) as an unbiased third party who can sit and listen to you both and say "listen buddy, I know it seems like this is fine and you think she's over reacting, but she's realllly not." There are two sides to every story, if there are some details from FHs perspective being left out, a third party will be able to handle that with you as well. But from the sound of it, they'll probably chew him out a bit and know what to say.
If you feel like this is a red flag and it goes along with a ton of other issues, there's more to it than this. But this is a common issue that doesn't usually mean red flag, it usually just means it's going to take more than you laying out the facts to make him realize what he's doing is wrong, someone else might have to tell him how things look from the outside.
Best of luck! This is the only think me and FH have ever really argued over in our 5 years together, and when it finally clicked with him and the stars aligned and I said it in a way that got through to him, he was really sad. It was like, "oh shoot I get it now, and I love you, and I can't believe you've been feeling like this and it's my fault. You've been sort of mentioning this for a long time now and I never focused on it enough." Some of it was on me for wanting to come across as a "cool" girlfriend and not be "jealous" so I never was stern enough about it and it all bubbled up at once. Communication is important and I wasn't communicating how I felt, I was coming across more relaxed about the situation than I really was for too long and did need to apologize to him for that.

Honestly, this is a huge red flag. I was once in a relationship where he made me believe that my feelings, no matter what they were about, were wrong. And that is not a healthy kind of relationship. That is toxic. Does he dismiss your feelings about other things too? In terms of the ex crush situation, something is clearly going on if he wants her to ride with you after the wedding. That just blows my mind! I am so sorry you are going through this.

Honestly, this isn't okay. It wouldn't even be okay if your fiance was putting a GUY friend before you. This is your WEDDING. It's the one day where you guys should be putting each other above everyone - parents, siblings, family, friends, literally everyone, and everyone that truly cares about you both would totally understanding of that. Please put your foot down and tell him that it isn't right to have someone else tag along after you get MARRIED and your feelings should come first END OF STORY. If he still insists on going above and beyond to accommodate for his friend I'd really think hard about this wedding and consider couple's counseling.

Ugh god, i've so much personal experience with this.

i am so ok with opposite sex and exes being friends. my problem is moreso when there doesn't seem to be a boundary and that's what this one is.

it also seems like he doesn't really get how uncomfortable you are by it all. maybe if you try to explain it to him that you are ok with them being friends but not the way they're being friends.

you can't change the fact that you're uncomfortable by the situation but they can change the way they interact to make you more comfortable and it would be appreciated.

I agree! This is not something you want to just push down and not deal with. It could lead to resentment and more issues later on. I agree that the couples counseling could be helpful in helping to communicate and resolve this issue. I am sorry you are in such a tough situation. I wouldn't let this slide, personally. Premarital counseling could be a good solution too, many officiants already offer this, and could be a good way to seamlessly go into having the discussion because its part of the "process".