fh is scared and i don't know how to feel about it

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I didn't actually go to therapy, but I thought about it. Once I realized what was going on, I was able to control my emotions a lot better. I just keep myself very busy so I don't have too much time to over-analyze everything.

View Quoted Comment Good for you for dealing with it successfully by yourself! I’m very familiar with over-analyzing everything lol, so reading this is kind of eye opening.

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You're absolutely right. Thank you so much for that perspective.

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Thank you. Yes I am really proud of him for talking about it. He was raised in a family where you don't talk about feelings so for him, that was a HUGE step.

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Yes to all of this. We had a really nice 2 hour long phone call today where he just spilled. It is the fear of the divorce. The fact that I was his only real serious relationship too is a new aspect that I didn't know. He was feeling guilty about thinking that maybe I wasn't the one, or that he was missing out on something, which I totally get. We talked through it and came to some really good conclusions and I think we are in a good place. Still going to see a therapist though.

Thank you everyone for all of your support and advice. We had a good 2 hour long phone call about it where I just let him talk. Things were said that were hurtful but I knew he needed to say them without me getting mad. I think we are in a better place, but I know that we are going to seek counseling too. Ultimately, he told me that he never wanted to lose me and we are moving forward. So there is that haha. Thanks again ladies for all of your help.

View Quoted Comment I also forgot to mention, my parents divorce traumatized me so much I didnt want to get married. Until I was 30 I realized what went wrong in my parents marriage and I actually wanted to get married. But I had to find this all out on my own. Now that I'm finally engaged, my fiance has been so helpful in reassuring me hes going to protect me and be nothing like my father. But I sometimes feel bad for him cause he had to work with a lot. Now I'm so tbankful to have him.

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Totally. And feeling scared to get married (for many reasons) is very natural!

I honestly don’t believe anyone who says they do NOT have any doubts. It’s a big deal! I had doubts. my husband had doubts, stemming from his parents divorce and his own! His first marriage was very short and awful....and he equated the awfulness of that with the institution. I STILL (married over a year) sometimes panic and think “wow, this is for life! What happens if he falls out of love, what happens if I get sick, what happens if...” I worry a lot! 😂 the point is that if you aren’t worried a little, you aren’t actually thinking seriously about the commitment. So, in a way, it’s a good thing! I’d worry if there wasn’t an iota of doubt.

That all being said, premarital counseling is worth every penny. We did a series of 6, and it was great. It can help both of you talk through your concerns and find points of compatibility and difference. It can help you identify if doubts are stemming from the doubt every sane person should entertain in committing themselves to the other for the rest of their lives, or if it’s doubt that is rooted in true questions about whether the two of you can be successful for real reasons. Either way, it’s good to find out.

I can definitely see both sides. My parents had a messy marriage (still married) and it's not the ideal marriage I or anyone else would want. I personally think it's nerves.

Hi all! Through some work and hard talks we made it through and had a BEAUTIFUL wedding last Sat. Ultimately it came down to all of the adjustments and him being more scared of the process vs the commitment.

It sounds like he just doesn’t have any good examples of happy marriages to look up to. Do you have any you can share with him? Divorce is a real, legitimate fear for people, especially if that’s all they know.

Oops didn’t see your update! Congrats, I wish you a happy and life long marriage! ❤️

He definitely is overwhelmed, I feel super bad for him that must be so hard.
But! He told you, he was honest that his experience with his parents is what's making him scared, he's not focusing on the relationship he has with you as his problem.
There are a LOT of changes happening at once and I think it's very human to be scared.
See about finding a counselor if you can. Remind him he's not his parents, he's honest with you, and that the fact he could tell you how he feels shows he's ready and it's okay to be scared. Once it's all over give him some time to recouperate from all this and I think he'll feel so much better.

Everything you are doing is New to you and him. Take a mini vacation to a bnb. Have a little stress free time and just talk to him.
Stress and anxiety are natural in this case.
Good luck

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I am so glad you updated us on this!! I am glad he was able to TALK about it!!! Keep talking ALL THE DAMN TIME, lol!!! Best wishes on your Happily Ever After!!!!