fh told me he wants a prenup

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For me, it is taking all of the romance and love and excitement out of the whole thing for me.

View Quoted Comment Sounds fishy to me. I just have to be completely honest with you. And the whole “to protect you “. OK, yeah A prenup will do that. But it’s really sad to me that someone would want to get involved in a marriage where they feel like there’s a strong possibility that it may end in a bad way nevertheless. Maybe he’s just jaded from his psycho ex, but he really has to consider your feelings when you’re about to make one of the biggest decisions of your life. I definitely think this is something you need to sit him down to discuss this. The whole thing with prenups for me is that if you’re not willing to risk 100% for the other person, that shows there’s a lack of trust. If there’s that lack of trust then why bother getting married? Why not just stay boyfriend and girlfriend until you both get sick of each other and then you break up without any ties. Because to me that’s exactly what a prenup is. It gives you the luxury of getting married without the attached risk. You’re basically legally boyfriend and girlfriend at that point in my opinion. I don’t know I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh and I am totally on your side and I would feel exactly how you’re feeling right now. Because it is very cold.

A prenup can protect your finances from his possible screw ups too.
Unfortunately people aren't always civil in the event of divorce.

My one issue with the situation is that his sister is drafting the prenup. I think that that needs to be done by a neutral party.

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For me, I think of it like power of attorney – no one wants to face the possibility of being unable to make important decisions for oneself because of infirmity or other reasons but it doesn’t hurt to have that legal backup in the event that that’s exactly what happens.

There is nothing romantic or lovely about a prenup but it’s a precautionary instrument that I would recommend to any couple who have assets worth protecting. It’s easy for me to say not to take it personally but it may take you a little while to warm up to the idea. Perhaps speak to a lawyer (you will need to get your own legal advice anyway) and see if they can provide you with more information as to your applicable laws dealing with these instruments.

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Yep , you get my point exactly ! I agree with every word you are saying . It is an easy way out .. And like you said if you aren't willing to risk it all, then why bother. If he is so in love with me, and knows he wants me forever and trusts me why do i have to pay 1000$ that i definitely do not have to draft this bs up?

Its got me so annoyed and taking all of the happiness out of this for me. I have to pay for his ex being a psycho?

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OP needs to get her own legal advice regardless of who drafts it. It is totally fine for the sister to draft it so long as OP has her own lawyer review the document and propose any appropriate amendments before it is executed.

View Quoted Comment Look, I am the last person to ever suggest to anyone to walk away! I don’t believe in just walking away. But I really think you should think this one through. This is quite the bomb that he just dropped on you. As you said, you’ve stuck it out this far with him knowing the craziness that comes along with his ex and yet he still has reservations about your loyalty and trust issues?! I’m sorry but if you don’t have trust in the other person then you don’t have a marriage. I obviously don’t know the full story at all, but judging from just the few posts that I’ve read from you, it sounds like your ex-husband has more trust in you then your new FH. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It’s supposed to be such a happy time for you and he drops this on your plate. You definitely need to talk to him about this. He may be going through some mental struggles because of the psycho ex he has, but if it’s just him being greedy then that’s something you would really need to think about before making a lifelong commitment. And just think, if he is this greedy about his money now, what happens when you are married and your finances will be together? Is he going to be a control freak about what is “his money “?

My house I own ( From me and my ex) is being rented. I rented it out to rent a diff house that his parents own because he has 4 children and my home is small.. He says that my house will be protected and that the prenup will state that I get the house and he gets nothing . he will keep his pension and I will keep mine.. He said its because of all we have both been through. Funny thing is, me and my ex had a very amicable divorce, kept our own retirements , own cc and we get along fine.. maybe he is just too jaded for marriage again?

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Howmuch does something like that cost . to just review it?

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Maybe i need to say that. I think someone else needs to draft it up. that doesn't seem fair tbh

View Quoted Comment I mean this in the nicest way possible, but at one point you both told someone else that you loved them forever and trusted them, but here you are. People, feelings, and circumstances change. It’s unfortunate, but some marriages end in divorce and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

View Quoted Comment Wow! And he wants you to pay $1000 of your own money?! did he acknowledge the fact that you were crying during dinner? No you’re not crazy, and you’re not wrong. You just understand what it means to marry someone.

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Sad part is i still trust my ex. Neither of us would seek out to screw the other one.. he sadly can't say the same.

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I'm replying to this comment to avoid 2 comments in a row. Re cost I can’t really say, it depends on a number of things such as the level of experience your lawyer has, your location, the significance and extent of assets involved etc. I would advise that you contact a few different firms so that you can get a rough idea on what they’d charge you.

Tbh it doesn't matter who he has draft the prenup so long as you have it reviewed by (and receive advice from) your own lawyer. You don't have one person representing you both here, you need your own legal representatives. If he appoints his sister that is fine but you need your own legal representative who will ensure your interests are accommodated and protected.

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Right. No he didn't really .. we both were drinking. and he was saying it is not something to be upset over but to protect ourselves. Idk it has me super unsure. that is all i know.

Yeah his sister will draft it for free for him yet I will have to pay big money I am sure to get mine done. Kinda pisses me off.

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The reality of the matter is that most people (save for those who are very, very religious) will consider divorce if the relationship breaks down. Despite the whole notion of 'til death do us apart' marriages do breakdown and some less amicably as others. It doesn't mean he doesn't 'understand what it means to marry someone' he just wants to ensure his assets are protected. There is nothing wrong in that.

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Definitely will do.. Since he wants to set this up in a way which to me is creating mistrust, now I have to protect myself with my own attorney.. weird way to enter marriage to me, but idk.

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The more I think about it.. I honestly don't know if I want it like this..

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I myself don’t and won’t have a prenup because neither my FH nor I own any assets and for us a prenup over literally nothing is redundant and wouldn’t hold up in court anyway if it were to be drafted to protect assets which don’t actually exist. If either of us did have any assets I would not be marrying him or anyone else without a prenup but hey that’s my prerogative.

Ultimately if it causes you this much discomfort then you need to address it with your partner. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Yeah OK and that’s another messed up part too! He’s like oh no I will take care of mine you go and take care of yours.... you would think that his sister would do that for you too. I don’t know, like I said, it almost bothers me being this honest with you because I am the last person to ever suggest really reconsidering things and potentially walking away and stepping back from the situation for a bit, but if my FH ever did something like that to me I’d be so crushed. I get where you’re coming from completely. YOU ARE NOT WRONG HERE!! And don’t let others try to convince you that you’re in the wrong here or overreacting. Especially the fact that you’ve already had a civilized divorce! He says it’s to protect you, but if you are willing to accept the risk, as any engaged person should, then why is he still so adamant about doing it. It’s because he’s worried about when he screws you over, he doesn’t want you dragging him.