fh told me he wants a prenup

View Quoted Comment As others have noted, the person you marry isn't the person you divorce. No one goes in expecting to hurt each other, just like no one goes in expecting to get divorced, but sometimes it happens so it's better to be prepared. Promises get broken. I'm not trying to be mean but both of you have broken previous vows, and your FH in particular is suffering the consequences of not having a prenup the first time around. I'm just a little surprised that you're not more understanding of where he's coming from with this.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Sounds like he was quick to cancel the prenup when he realized how hurt you were by the suggestion. That's a sign he's clearly not suggesting it for lack of love or trust.

View Quoted Comment That’s awesome! That must be really comforting for you to hear! And if the day comes where You have to get a divorce, just remember the promise that you can’t and hopefully he will do the same to not want to destroy each other. I’m really glad that worked out for you and I’m really glad he understands how much it means to you.

I brought up the idea to my FH regarding a prenup. I'm in a job where I've already seen 4 divorces in my first year, if that ever becomes the case - I want my stuff protected because I worked hard for it and I see co workers paying out 100s of thousands to ex wife's, end up working 5-6 days a week (we work 12.25 hour shifts) just to pay them off or get on their feet with a new place...

Unfortunately, they are thousands to draft up and get done so I don't think we will be doing one.

I don't think it has anything to do with not trusting someone, but a matter of have it and not need it then something happens down the road and you aren't protected.

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Totally.. I called up an attorney and asked about it.. she said it would be $2000! I called him and was upset. I said we need to each come up with a grand. I kinda feel bad that because of your ex, I need to come up with all this money now.. I rambled on and said even if we ever ended I would never set out to destroy him ( just as I never did my daughter's dad) He said cancel the lawyer,, and said will you just promise if you get sick of me to never go after my retirement. I said I will never get sick of you but yes I promise ..

Hoping he is okay about it and I do feel bad for all he went through. He told me the entire story of his ex last night and she blind sighted him completely . Before she kicked him out she took out a bank act in her own name, stopped paying his bills and took their tax refund. She was also seeing a guy. so I get that he is super hurt.. I do worry , is he ready for marriage with all that hurt still

I understand how you could feel if you got the news out of the blue, but prenups are not a bad thing. It’s better to have one and don’t need it.

When you want a prenup it’s not like you’re planning the failure of the marriage, you’re making sure you’re making the best decisions possible while in love as things can get nasty in some divorce situations. My dad had a horrible experience with her first wife trying to take the company away from him when they divorced because they didn’t have a prenup.

Also, it helps you to see the big picture of the household, help you plan accordingly for your financial future and create a plan of action in case of unfortunate events.

For my FH and I was a no brainer and ours it’s pretty straightforward. Each couple is different and your prenup should adapt to your specific needs. You must use different lawyers for representation.

View Quoted Comment Last night he told me how he really would feel better with it. Doesn’t need it but would feel better. The way be kept saying if we get divorced and so on bothered me so bad. Idk what to even do

View Quoted Comment Despite what others say on this post, no not everyone needs to do prenups. There are also many many....many people that get divorced that aren’t malicious evil monsters that don’t try to destroy the other person. Going after the other persons retirement in a divorce is a disgusting greed-filled, low, most pathetic thing anyone could ever do. There is no excuse for it. No matter what the other person does. I think it’s all about picking the right partner. It seems like this is a really important thing to him that he is willing to forgo, but he also keeps bringing up the fact that “what if we get divorced “. I think the proper answer for that should be “if you were so concerned about what might happen if we get divorced, and if you think I have it in me to seek out to destroy you and take all of what you’ve worked so hard for your entire work career, then maybe you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” That would honestly be my approach to it. And again I will say that there are millions of people that get divorced every year and go through a bad divorces, and many of those people do not seek out to take their retirement. “You know the person you married, but you don’t know the person you divorce.” This is not the case for many many people. Typically, you know your spouse best. I would assume you’ve already had arguments and disagreements and maybe some ups and downs. You’ve also seen how they react towards other situations outside of your relationship. Are they the type of person who would get into a mild fender bender and then seek out to take that person’s home

View Quoted Comment Well last night it was brought up again seems like something he wants. One major issue is he’s goin to have his sister draft his. I think this is number one not fair , secondly , going to cause lots of hard feelings and unnecessary tension. Also he will pay 1000 toward mine leaving me to pay another 1000 and he pays nothing since it’s his sister ?

View Quoted Comment Out of curiosity, you said that you were still on very good terms with your ex-husband. I don’t know how friendly you guys are, but have you mentioned this to him at all? I would be curious to see what his reaction would be seeing as how he’s probably the other person that knows you the best and has already been through a divorce with you.

View Quoted Comment We are so alike I was thinking of bringing it up to him. I know it may seem weird but I consider him my best friend still. I was thinking of getting his thoughts on it.

View Quoted Comment Do it! Ugh part of me wants to jump through my phone and tell you to get back with your ex husband LOL! But I know I obviously don’t know the full situation... I hardly know anything, and I’m sure there were very good reasons of why you divorced your ex-husband. But I feel like he will definitely give you some great insight. I think it’s terrific that you both are still best friends, not only for your children’s sakes, but for both of your sakes as well.

I get what you're saying here, but I think it also completely discredits what her fiance went through. I'm sure he didn't think his ex wife would go after everything either. How can you blame him for erring on the side of caution, especially when there's children involved. It's not a hypothetical for him, he lived it already. I don't think it mean he loves OP any less or that he's going into this marriage with divorce in the back of his mind.

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Exactly. I said how do you not know me well enough by now? We met at 15 years old.. not only that, he sees how my ex and I get along. He knows I never dragged him into court or screwed him out of money in anyway. I brought this up and he basically said " well your ex didn't have much really" Wow. that kinda pissed me off. I still could have tried to get his 401k.. i could have took him back for more child support since our divorce in 2012. I still get the same amount as back then and his salary doubled. But, I don't want to do that. I never felt right doing it.

Basically, he's saying he has this big retirement and because of his ex , he is not so sure if I wouldn't do the same.. That is really hard to hear and hurts horribly. It is making me think of the future so negatively.

I brought up how when we sell my house and use the profit to pay a down payment on house for us that I will no longer have any assets. I said I am willing to risk that .. He said oh Im not worried about like 100k.. Just say you won't touch my retirement and I won't touch yours. Does this guy think I am with him for money??? He lived in my house 2 years without paying one penny of bills since he was paying all this bs to his ex ..and lawyers.. now we are renting a bigger home and I pay half of all expenses..

I said last night that it will cost 2,000 for each lawyer. He said he is going to use his sister or one of her colleagues - that is sooo unfair.. For one he has an advantage and two , its free for him? He will pay half of mine.. wow, thanks. I think the whole process is going to complicate something that is not even bad.

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I am going to.. Yea, he is remarried with two young daughters and I am so happy for him. We are not a typical situation. I wish i could explain it all on here but it is so long and complicated. We met when I was going through a trauma.. he is ill with type 1 diabetes. Then we had a major car accident which landed me in a coma. There is so much more to it all,, but long story short, the trauma just wore us down.. when our daughter was 6 we ended. It was a very difficult bittersweet situation. He went through the worst times of my life with me. I fully trust he would never hurt me and I cannot imagine hurting him.. just like I can't imagine hurting my FH .. or anyone for that matter..

I told my Fh last night, that my ex didn't get a prenup with his new wife.. his answer was well he doesn't really have anything.

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Why do I feel like we would be friends in real life ?! LOL. you totally think like me..

View Quoted Comment I’m not really sure why you are so hung up on his sister drafting his prenup. You have your own lawyer who will be on your side. I seriously think you both need counseling to talk this through. Also you didn’t lose the money you put into the house, that would be listed as an asset. Have you set up any consultations with lawyers? Is this a deal breaker for you? If so, you might want to discuss that in counseling.

View Quoted Comment Because we probably totally would! Lol

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I just don't feel its fair. She has been tied up emotionally with his whole divorce and she is also on guard. I think it can cause negative feelings with everyone.. just seems like breaking something that isn't broken mentality.

I personally, would not get married without a prenup. That said, I'm 45, first time getting married and I have a ton of assets. I love my fiancé and hope in 50 years you'll find us drinking lemonade on a porch swing somewhere, but if that doesn't happen our prenup protects both myself AND him. Marriage is about love but I think people forget it's also about the merging and protection of assets. Check out www.prenupta.com. That's where we got ours. You should each have your own attorney but there's no reason for you to spend thousands. This is a good thing - you should be able to openly discuss finances, budgeting and all things money with your spouse.