Fiance and I had HUGE fight/broken engagement...need all the advice I can get, please!!!

You give him the time he asked for...if marrying you is what he wanted then it's most likely what he wants now but let him work that out.

CONTINUATION OF THE SITUATION. .DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH ROOM TO TYPE:

I am so lost without him, I can't sleep, Im losing weight, Im absolutely miserable. On top of that I have no idea what to think because some days he acts normal and other days he is very distant. Do I just give him some space? We've been together for 3.5 years and were engaged for over a year..our wedding was supposed to be in three months!! I know hes hurt but I feel like if he truly loved me the way I love him then he would be trying as hard as I am to work this out...Ive literally been pouring out my feelings to him...

A couple of my friends said he just needs to "swallow his pride about the ring"

He also says he doesn't know what to do..which really upsets me. Is this something that can be fixed?? I just feel like if two people really love each other they would both fight to make it work...I know I hurt him but Ive literally been doing anything and everything to try to fix it!!

HELP?!

Time seems to be what he's looking for at this point. Give him some space from "pouring out your feelings." I know it's hard.

What were you arguing about? Kinda sounds like that's what he wanted to happen. I know in heat of the moment you say things you don't me and the next day you apologize and it's hunky dorie,though I've been with my guy for almost 10 years and we finally decided to do it its a huge step, he might be getting a little scared. I know I have been good luck! It's better to find out now then to go through a ugly divorce I've been there

Maybe time is what he needs, but why does he keep bringing up the same thing over and over and over again and picking fights with you? That seems like a bigger issue that he maybe unwilling or unable to forgive or compromise. Is it a control thing?

What was the fight about? You said you fight about the same problem all the time, and I'd think that after 3.5 years together the problem should have already been fixed (unless it's wedding related) and you should also have learned to communicate as a couple about problems. Yes, fights happen with normal couples, but unless it is something that may be a deal breaker on living the rest of your lives together, it should probably be solvable within a day. Let him have his time. Sounds like you both need to do some growing up. Ignoring him when there is a problem is only going to drive wedges between the two of you. I can understand a few hours of cooling off time, but not a few days. You're supposed to be a team. He's right to be questioning the marriage before it happens. You don't want to have to figure out your not completely compatible later and have it lead to a divorce.

Edit: double post

Also you said you don't live together yet, which means the first year for you guys is probably going to be a big adjustment after marriage. How are you going to handle fights then? You can't just leave. You're going to have to learn how to work together before then.

Tough situation! First of all, your heart's in the right place and you're doing the best you can. You can't do it all, though, and sounds like you know that. But other than trying everything you can to fix things and make up for a heated mistake, you were also going home alone after these arguments and him yelling at you and not letting it go. His heated argumentative style over this disagreement has contributed to this situation, so does he acknowledge that? Can you two agree to talk things through, calmly one on one? Or perhaps go to a relationship counselor? All this work in the beginning - to get back on track for your wedding and marriage - will go a long way towards a healthy relationship for when you ARE married. It's a good thing to give him the space & time he's asked for, so time will only tell. Lean on the best friends you have and know that you're doing your best. Hopefully he'll see that too.

For those of you asking about the fight: There is a "family member" of his I do not like or trust..I say it like that bc shes isnt blood-related, she is a very close family friend to his parents and therefore has known him his whole life. Basically, she did something disrespectful to me right around the time we got engaged...I told him I did not like or trust her and would prefer to keep my distance... its always bothered him because he wants everyone to get along but as it got closer to the wedding I think it started bothering him MORE and he blew up! I am not even rude to this woman..I simply avoid her..but he wants me to hang out when shes around, which makes me uncomfortable. So even after I gave the ring back I told him Id work on it and come to a compromise. Basically the situation is a much bigger deal to him than it is to me...but ive been really putting in effort to make this work...he said he is still in love with me and when I asked him if he could picture his life with someone else he said no...so im not sure why he isnt trying harder to fix it... im guessing hes still really hurt?? I just dont know...

Give him some space. The other thing I would worry about is learning to communicate better. It sounds like that should be your first priority not whether or not a wedding will take place in 3 months. Yall need to figure out what went wrong and why. You don't want to gloss this issue over just to get your ring back and be married. If it is not truly dealt with it will rear it's ugly head at some point again.

Did you tell him what she did to you or did you just say you didn't like or trust her? There's a big difference, one is giving him a valid reason for your distrust and the other is straight up insulting his family, and she is family if she's known him his whole life. If you did explain to him, then he should definitely be considering your side of the story and how to deal with it properly with his family. If you didn't, then I can see why he's pushing and hurt by what you've been saying.

I've been married, it will only get worse. Give him space, like a week. Don't call, don't text, don't email. Cry your eyes out, because this may be the end of the relationship. Then, if it isn't, you can be that much happier. Count on your friends and cry on their shoulders too. After a week, ask him if he will go to counseling. Whatever it is you were arguing about must be fixed before you get married. I hate to be the bad guy, but you should be prepared for the worst, while hopeful for the best. Hang in there.

I agree with the other ladies who said to give him time/space. Remember that men tend to process things differently than women. Personally, I know my FH just needs some time to himself after a disagreement. And I can relate to feeling like "if he loves me, why isn't he trying as hard as me?" but, again, I think this falls into the men are different category (at least to some degree). I'm like you in that I pour all of my thoughts and feelings out there, but that can overwhelm others sometimes, so a little space won't hurt you.

I know this is a scary and stressful time with your wedding just a few months away. I'll be thinking of you and hope things work out for the best. :-)

We have had some pretty awful fights, and honestly the last one was horrible. We live together and didn't talk for 2 days and finally started to talk it out. The couple days of us not talking actually helped us gather ourselves. This was about 3 months ago. We used to fight constantly and after that one we haven't had a fight since. Give him some time and I hope for the best for you.

I would back off and give him space and time. Honestly, you kind of sound desperate. Why do you think this is all your fault? Just because you gave your ring back? He is the one that was starting fights, yelling at you and not letting the initial issue go. Just stop apologizing and stop throwing yourself at him. He needs to take responsibility for his actions as well. Give him space and hopefully he'll come around.

Yes I DID tell him my reason for not trusting her and at first he acted like he understood...but as time went on he became upset with the situation and was trying to force me to have a relationship with her. As I said before, I think with the wedding getting so close he just started thinking about it more and then couldn't stop pushing the situation. Also, he doesn't believe that his yelling/arguing was a valid reason for me to blow up and give the ring back....I do think counseling would help but I also think his ego/pride is crushed since I gave the ring back...I guess the only thing I can do is wait for him to settle down and calm his emotions...

Lots of space. LOTS.

FH and I split up 4 years ago, after being together for 5. Our communication sucked and we both shut down. I kicked him out after months of fighting over the same old crap day in and day out. We were apart nearly 2 months...it took us a good 3-4 of those weeks apart to get our heads on straight, and then we spent the next 4 weeks hashing out ALL of our issues, from the small to very big. And we've done that ever since. We may "fight" more often, but we get things out, we talk about them and we don't let them linger til they're much bigger than they need to be. But we really needed that space to clear our heads and figure things out. Neither of us WANTED to be apart but things just weren't working the way they were. I'm 100% positive we wouldn't be where we are now if we didn't take that space and work on our communication issues.

Let the dust settle, as hard as it is. It will be good for both of you!

I don't know what this non-blood related family member did to you. But if you really want him back and to have a happy marriage, you may have to bite the bullet and patch things up with her. Then hopefully she can put in a good word for you to your FH. Again I don't know if this is an option or not without knowing the details. It just seem really important to him. You are not just marrying him but also his family. I am assuming his family is very close and as much as he loves you, he probably can't imagine marrying a woman who won't put in the effort to get along with his close family. I have a friend who broke up with a girl and one of the reasons was because she didn't make the effort to get along with his family.

What Karen M said. Please do not beg and plead for him to come back, and do not give in to any demands he might make that you pretend to like this person if you do not just to "make peace". If you go into your marriage with unresolved issues like this, your marriage WILL fail. Trust me, I have been there before and I know from where I speak. And a broken engagement is heartbreaking, but not nearly as heartbreaking or messy as a divorce. I would also advise, if you are able to work this out, that you still attend counseling. If you both go into it open minded and willing to work, it will be immensely helpful. But you both have to be invested in doing it.

I know you are upset and want him back but I want to emphasize if it really that bad with the family member then you shouldn't try to make up with her just to get FH back. My previous recommendation was based on the assumption that the issues are not that major.