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Beginner August 2020

Fiancé did hard drug

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Emily, on August 23, 2019 at 3:02 PM

My fiancé went to a bachelor party and said I had nothing to worry about. When he got back I asked how it was and he said fun and he didn’t do anything with girls.

fast forward a month later his mom passes away. His friends took us out to eat afterwards and they had him laughing and distracted. He started lowering his voice in their direction and said something about drugs.

i did my best to let it go but the next day I had to ask. He said they did mushrooms and coke. I said did you do anything and he said they did mushrooms. I said I got that what about you. Then he said he did coke.

im so hurt angry and upset. I’m doing my best to be there for him and not to bring it up.
He knows my feelings towards drugs. I was also in an abusive relationship where my ex lied about doing drugs.
I took my engagement ring off. I felt suffocated with it on but will be wearing it when family and friends are over.
My fiancé has done coke on college. He said he only did it cus it was a bachelor party and knows his limits. I asked if he thought of me and said he knew I’d be angry and didn’t say anything because he’s upset with himself and was waiting for the right time. He tried saying it was hard due to our schedules which is bs cus we looked at wedding venues for the first time last weekend. I told him that that would’ve been the best time to tell me that.
I’m just so hurt that he lied and hid it from me. He’s my best friend and I feel so betrayed. Im trying not to bring it up and act normal with everything goin on with his moms passing but I feel like all these emotions and uncertainties are driving me crazy. I honestly don’t even know what to do or feel.

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22 Comments

Super October 2018
MrsJackson · on August 26, 2019 at 4:32 PM
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Yes, I trust him wholeheartedly. I think he knows he messed up, and is making sure to not mess up again.
Best of luck to you.
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Super March 2020
Desiree · on August 26, 2019 at 11:42 PM
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Here's my opinion. I don't see why things are "allowed" or even "forgiven" simply because it was a bachelor party. That's not a solid excuse. If something isn't okay on a normal Thursday night, it shouldn't be permitted for ANY party. This goes for any hard limits you have in the relationship. I'm a little old fashioned, and drugs are a hard no-go for me too, so I definitely understand your pain. I'd approach with caution but this is going to require counseling in my opinion - and he needs to be open and honest, which sounds like he has a hard time with from the get go. Lying before getting married is just a no no. I would have a really hard time with this. Not to cause you more insecurity or doubt, but this needs to be resolved before the wedding - for sure.
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