Fiance doesn't want Wedding

The true red flag is how dismissive he is of what you want. He sees getting married as something to "get over with." You're already sad, when you communicate your feelings, he throws it back in your face. A loving partner does not use your weaknesses against you. They don't kick you when you're down. He is kicking you. He won't do therapy with you, even though you're emotional and depressed and seeing someone yourself. He is not putting that much effort into your relationship.


Don't marry someone who does not want to marry you, twists the knife they put in you, and does not make you happy.

Trust your gut. I think it’s telling you this is not good. Trust me- the marriage won’t get better from here

The part that worries me is his utter refusal to go to couples counseling.

If he thinks you "can deal with things as they come up"... newsflash! Something has come up, and this is how he handles it! It's not a problem FOR HIM, so it's not a problem at all.

There's a difference between being uninterested in planning, and making sure you're miserable while doing it.

Put a hold on planning, get yourself to therapy - with or without him - and MAKE SURE HE KNOWS WHY you are doing this!

I see a lot of red flags with this. As the person that loves you, if you’ve explained to him why this is important to you he should care. The fact that he doesn’t care how you feel or what would make you happy is a much bigger issue than wedding or no wedding. I think counseling is necessary for your relationship.
Good luck!

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I realise this post is a bit dated now, but I wanted to share a short story with you.

I was staying at my partner's house, and I went into the bathroom in the middle of the night. I went in and locked the door, then broke into tears on the floor. Within minutes, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find him standing on the other side of it. I don't remember if words were exchanged, but he saw I was upset and he just held me in his arms. I ended up back on the floor in more tears, and he joined me on the floor and just held me whilst I cried. He didn't need to say anything to me to fix it; his actions spoke volumes.

My point is that you deserve someone who will not only notice that you're upset, but will be there to hold you even when they can't bear to see you sad. Someone who will quite literally be there on the floor with you if that's where you find yourself.

What ended up happening, OP? I found myself in a similar situation, and we compromised with a micro-wedding at an all inclusive resort. They will plan mostly everything.

View Quoted Comment Wow it’s been a while! We went through a lot during covid but everything is amazing now! My Fiancé actually came to realize how important everything was to me and now we are planning a huge wedding! He actually picked the venue, the band, the food, and a few other things and once he got past how much money it would cost and just worked it into the budget he actually got into helping and getting excited! We also pushed it way out and it’s finally about 9 months away! We’ve had plenty of time to pay for it and plan and not be so stressed with planning a wedding and living life at the same time. He also got a new job which gives him more time off so he’s not as grumpy and actually CAN have a life and we are SO much happier now! My family is very traditional so we basically have to invite everyone and my family is HUGE! But it will be fun to bring our families together and basically give them a fun chance to party and celebrate!


An all inclusive resort sounds fun and stress free! I bet you’ll have an a amazing time!! Something that helped me get past my frustrations was remembering it’s BOTH you and your partners wedding so compromise is what makes it unique to y’all!

Gosh this sounds like my situation except I'm 44 and hes 42 and neither of us have been married before. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who's 16. I want to celebrate with all my family and friends and have a good time. He wants to go to the courthouse as he says he doesn't want to "spend money" on one day for other people. (keep in mind he never wants to spend money when it's for something I want. He just purchased an $8,000 mountain bike for himself though) II'm trying to explain to him that its for me- we moved to Texas a few years ago and my daughter and I left all of our friends and family behind. I'd love to have everyone come out to Texas and visit and enjoy our day. I know my family would like to see us get married. He said he'd do it in his brother backyard (Again to save money) but I'm so angry that it's always about what he wants. We've never even looked at any venues to price them. When we got engaged a friendly flew out to visit me and we were going to take a look at a ranch near by just to check it out and see what it costs and he got so angry and said " I knew you were going to do this, I knew you were going to want to spend money" My heart sank that he just took the moment away from me and since I've never had an opportunity to be excited about our engagement (which has been 3 years now). It's so hurtful and just makes me want to leave him. There's so very few moments in life to celebrate. I love parties, I love hosting and entertaining and I think it's mean to be willing to take that moment away from the person who finds it important.

View Quoted Comment This is an old thread so you might get more feedback if you started your own thread. From what you say I’d be asking myself a few questions. Are the finances such that he has reason to be very cost conscious? After all, dirtbike could have been ill advised, too. And if not, is this the way you want to live the rest of your life, ie his way or the highway?