Fiancé has stalled on asking groomsmen

Sounds like he doesn’t actually want any other groomsmen other than the ones he has already asked but that you want him to have more. If he just wants two groomsmen that’s ok, the sides can be uneven. I’d let it go. You could try talking to him in a way of asking him if he actually wants to have the additional groomsmen or if he just feels he has to. Let him know that you are ok with it if he doesn’t want to ask the others because his choices are just as important has yours for your wedding.

Hi Kayla! I don’t think you are overreacting at all. My now husband (who is wonderful ❤️) dragged his feet with the guys tuxedos and it drove me nuts!! 😂 I learned just how different guy relationships are as my side was ready to go, lots of detailed communication, etc. It is true what they say - men are from Mars and women are from Venus!! I wonder if he is second guessing the final choices or concerned they may turn him down due to covid concerns? Several groomsmen had covid concerns and it wasn’t until I reached out to their wives to explain all the precautions we were taking, the ball seemed to roll!! It was hilarious because the wives were like “thank you I’ve been asking my husband what the plans were, tux info, etc.” 😂


Hope this helps and know you are not alone ❤️❤️❤️ Our men are great of course but sometimes get a bit lost in the wedding planning communication department!! 😋

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your advice!!

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the advice ❤️❤️. I did at one point ask him if he just doesn’t want anymore because I am fine with that (I just wish I knew what the plan was) and he insists he does. Which is actually confusing because he was the one who wanted 8 groomsmen! 😂ahh...So maybe I’ll just continue to wait it out in hopes it comes together.

I agree with the first person but in general I have seen the wedding is more exciting for one partner than the other and that is okay and normal. I started dress shopping a year out and he ordered his suit a few months before and had issues with the tailoring of one lol. Men will drag their feet for something not high on their interest level (of course in no way does not mean he does not want to marry you but maybe his excitement about weddings tasks is not high) but we as women could be the same way. As annoying as it is I would let it go and if you have uneven sides only you will noticed. I promise you it is common and no one will pay attention. Your day will be perfect regardless.

Like you, I would be annoyed for sure! However, it is sounding like maybe it is just not that important to him. It sounds like you've already asked and reminded him several times already. Unfortunately, all you can do at this point is let it go. I would personally just start envisioning him having fewer groomsmen that you originally thought versus continuing to ask him which doesn't sound like it has resulted in anything productive. He's an adult and knows his responsibility, and if he doesn't follow thorough, then maybe it just isn't that important to him. Maybe if there are milestones coming up that you can use as an excuse to commit to a number, that could work - i.e. "I'm ordering the wedding party gifts and need to know how many to buy," or "I'm making the rehearsal dinner reservations and need to confirm our total headcount," etc.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!!!

View Quoted Comment Great advice!

He doesn't need to pick anyone before 4 months out to order suit rentals. If he knows who he wants to pick, let him do it at his pace.

View Quoted Comment Good advice!

2 of my brothers were like that, made one FI and her MIL nuts. The other bugged and nagged til big bro said, stop it or we will not have a wedding, and can cancel everything.
Somewhere between 10 and 12 weeks out, each called or visited their friends. In 1 evening one had all. The other took two days for the 4th to get back to him. Sometime between a month and 2 out each group was outfitted, perfect, no need for either bride to have worried or done anything. When asked, I told them, my mom, me, another brother in the area, that they have always dated back a reasonable time from when something actually needs to be done, not when advance planner types want it, and neither ever failed to get anything done just before last minute, in their lives. All of both SIL worry and fits and picking out clothes which they basically would not more than look at caused a few fights on one. The other refused to be drawn in, but forbid his FMIL from his /their house from 5 months before the wedding til the week before. Because she couldn't keep her mouth shut and not push. I don't know OP FI. But whether my 2 husbands, or my 4 brothers, we have always treated them like adults since about age 16. They have always come through for every social occasion, getting into schools, jobs, and doing things like venues and catering in advance for their weddings. But things they were responsible for personally, choosing their guys, their own clothes, gifts, transportation, buying all liquor to bring in, and paying bills, they did everything on time. Just not early. The other 2 brothers had 5 and 4 month engagements, actively planned, and got everything they wanted. I think you have to ask yourself, are you marrying a general screw-up guy who needs a mommy to do everything , and has trouble planning time, or you marrying an independent adult who is responsible and competently does most things. Guys who say yes to being in someone' wedding at 10-12 weeks, are pretty much not going to change their minds, a d know their finances and schedule for the next couple of months. If that is when they want to ask, that is up to them. I enjoy formal and dress up events. And before marriage, lived a year each in other countries, and traveled and worked in several big cities with lots of opportunities. I have never been with family or a guy, inc hubby, who has not been able to get completely outfitted for an event within a reasonable budget, in 1-2 weeks. I don't see why you need push. And if you are marrying someone you cannot trust, I would ask, why?

Actions speak louder than words. It sounds like he's not interested.

View Quoted Comment You are correct about me not needing to push. I think it’s the ocd in me. I absolutely trust him as he always follows through. I think I just have to realize my since of urgency is not the same as his. He is very laid back. I was just wanting to get advice from others because I am thinking is this something worth being stressed about? After reading the advice from you and others I am going to let it fall into place. After all, at the end of the day I would marry him at the court house if that meant being with him for the rest of my life. I appreciate your input and advice!!!

View Quoted Comment That was my fear, I supposed that caused my anxiety. I would marry him at the courthouse if that meant getting married. He wanted the big wedding which is great because deep down I do too. I just think his urgency on getting things done and mine are different. Lol

View Quoted Comment He doesn't have to have that many groomsmen. If I were in your position, I would give him a firm deadline to provide a final confirmed groomsmen count and write it down on the calendar. And make no mention of it nor reminder. If he has only 3 confirmed groomsmen by the deadline due to procrastinator then oh well.

View Quoted Comment 👏 this! This is by far my favorite!

If he has already asked a couple of friends, I would just leave it at that. He might not want any other groomsmen besides those. As far as suits go, I would pick out a few options, present them to your FH, and let him pick from there. Getting their outfits ordered is far more important than having him ask more people.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this stress I would tell him Hey sweetie Please pick your groomsmen by this weekend Thank you

View Quoted Comment It sounds like he has mot been interested in doing Groomsmem things at 8 months , 8,7,5. it does not mean he will not be excited
to do them at 2-3 months when they actually need to be done . Lack of excitement to do things way in advance of need, does not meant not excited at all. Her timing does not match his, is what I see.