Fiancé isn’t being helpful

FH was the same way (one more reason why we are doing a planned elopement). I would say either you can call them yourself, go into Facebook and ask them for their address, or you can ask FMIL or one of his siblings.

With him being in college I can see how he would want that to be more of a priority and after studying I'm sure he wants to relax his mind and stream. To most men wedding planning isn't relaxing or something that they just want to do. I've recently learned that as brides we tend to think that the wedding planning expectations, priority level and visions should be just as high to others as it is for us. I think that may be why we have so many "whatever you want" guys.

Hope this helps and good luck. Your almost there.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! I honestly realized that I’m not the only one going through this with our fiancés. I try to understand with his priorities but something so simple he’d push off. I’ve asked if I could reach out to his people and he’s like “no, I’ll eventually do it” like how much longer could i wait? I’ve sent out save the dates on my side and still waiting on his. I don’t think he’d appreciate me reaching out to his friends and if I ask he’s going to think I’m the most impatient person in the world and honestly I sure am, I don’t like to do things the very last minute.

View Quoted Comment

I understand, plus when planning a wedding you have a very short window when trying to do anything last minute. If you don't mind me asking, when will he graduate? Do you think that if you gave him due dates on when he needs to have something done and/or mail out (and not mention it) he would have it done?

View Quoted Comment Possibly the end of June.. lol
Even if I give him due dates, I feel like he’d forget. If it’s not priority it’s put in the back burner. I told him to give me the addresses by the end of March or none of his people are getting any notice and it’ll be his fault that they can’t make it because they were notified of the wedding date last minute.

View Quoted Comment

I think that is a bit wrong to throw him under the bus like that... funny but wrong. I honestly can understand his focus being more on to graduate by June. If I may ask, how did y'all decide on having the wedding before he graduates and would it be possible to push back until July? It would give him the chance to really put his time and focus into the wedding like how you want him to.

FH was kinda the same way but only because he wanted to be lead engineer with his company. Now that he is, FH is more apart of the planning then he was. He mentions small things about how he wants our day and what he wants (mainly his attire and his "laid back" bachelor party).

View Quoted Comment I was just fed up and upset with him that I said all that, but I of course want his his side of the guest list to be there. We got engaged last May and he was ok with having the wedding in October 2022 knowing he’d still be in school. He still has to study and take a certificate exam after graduation which could take another month or two. I wanted to elope and not have this big wedding, but I have family that wanted this and wanted it sooner than later. I’m just hoping at some point or time he’ll just take 10min to text people and just send me those addresses. I can handle the rest

View Quoted Comment

Oh I understand. I'm sure he will, try asking for 10 minutes to have wedding talk and let him know you just need him to do this asap ensure him it wouldn't take long and you can take care of the rest. I'm sure you have told him this before, but this time when having this talk let him know you are trying to plan and get things done so that he doesn't have to take his focus off studying and this will be the last time you need his help until wedding crunch time.

I applaud both of y'all for being so understanding and patient with your FH. However at some point he needs to grow up and take care of his responsibilities. Getting married is a commitment and if he's agreed to a wedding then doing your part is a commitment also. Blowing up at you because you're holding him accountable to his responsibility is a big red flag.🚩
I'm not saying that everyone can multitask, but plenty of people work full-time, attend college, and plan a wedding at the same time, including me. I'm not sure what you mean by streaming, if that is a source of income for him, but asking his friends for their addresses is not time consuming. Send them a freaking text. Is he anxious about contacting them? If so, then ask him why you can't do it. They're about to be your friends and family too.
How about making a list of tasks that he's responsible for with a deadline. Don't nah him about it, let hime be an adult. If he doesn't meet them, seriously consider that he doesn't really want a wedding. And you'll have a decision to make.

View Quoted Comment I’ll definitely sit with him and have a talk. At this point, I’m scared he’ll just get annoyed with me again.

View Quoted Comment You’ve made a great point and I understand it all. I’ve given him a deadline to get addresses in and I’m trying to not nag him about it, but if he doesn’t get things done at that point I’m going to have a huge talk with him whether he wants this done or not. I feel like he regrets planning the wedding for this year, but at this point we’ve spent a lot of catering and other things that we can’t back down.

I agree that college should be his priority, but streaming?? As in videos? For fun?


If he agreed to have a wedding while in college, he needs to understand that he needs to multitask. Life isn't always convenient and sometimes unwanted time sucks pop up. If he can't take 5 minutes to look up addresses, he simply doesn't care enough. Don't pick up the slack for him.
If he's blowing up on you on a regular basis, that is a problem. If you're afraid to bring up a small, time sensitive task to him, this is a problem.
I don't think he is ready to be married and I think you'd benefit more from couples counseling than a wedding right now.

I second everything Candace said. He’s not a child, he’s an adult who has agreed to marry you and have a wedding. Getting upset with you for asking simple things is a big yikes 🚩🚩🚩 in my book. Because think about it. This will be something he’ll do again about other things. If he can’t handle minuscule tasks while attending school (which he should be able to do) then reconsider if having a wedding and making this huge commitment to each other is a good idea right now

View Quoted Comment Planning on counseling soon. He’s always been so helpful and attentive but now because he’s in school and found other interests (which is fine) he chooses those over a simple task I ask.

View Quoted Comment You made a good point and I’m really going to sit down and talk to him one more time. I just don’t wanna waste all that time and effort of booking and planning over one thing.

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry you're going through this struggle. I hope you both can work it out and it will just be practice for a lifetime of working things out together💕

Put planning on hold and let him know there won’t be a wedding if he doesn’t participate and help you out. Because you are not marrying yourself, he needs to provide input as well. Planning together for hosting a wedding is practice for teamwork in the future after you are married. Say you are planning to have kids or make a major purchase. Those things have to have joint input or nothing will move forward.


Sit down and explain your frustrations to him. Communication is vital no matter what the situation is. Also consider couples therapy to learn how to better communicate with each other.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Michelle.

If he isn't helping at all and is blowing up at you, then that's a bad example of how he will act when you ask him to help you with something in future. What happens when you're house-hunting and he's busy with work (and . . . streaming? apparently I'm old). There are a LOT of time sensitive things that have to be done. Is he going to blow up at you because you want him to help? Yes, college is a big time-suck - but so is a job - and Candace is right, people are enrolled in school and work full time and plan weddings regularly (FWIW, I was writing my dissertation, teaching college full time, and planned my wedding (with help from H).)

This is a sign that you should consider working on your communication. Does he normally behave this way when you ask him to do things? Or is this conflict mainly around wedding planning items?

View Quoted Comment He doesn’t usually behave this way. He had no problem choosing things with me in the beginning of wedding planning, everything just turned to crap when he got more stressed with school. I just think when he gets overwhelmed and I start to add more things to his plate, he starts to get frustrated and blow up eventually. He’s honestly not like this usually. I’m giving him more time to get his tasks done

View Quoted Comment

Sounds like stress management is something you need to discuss in counselling then.