Fiance No Longer Wants To Get Married

View Quoted Comment Yeah we have been discussing everything. To me it sounds that he's depressed, which has been an issue and it sounded like he needed medicication so i made sure he discussed with his doctor but he hasnt taken his meds. He has always had an issue of committing to things and gives up when they get hard or complicated ir he gets frustrated with things (i.e.with jobs, a daughter he doesnt see, social situations). So i am trying to talk to him about this and brought up counseling but he said hed been thinking about this for awhile so its too late and i am like well why in the hell wouldnt you talk to me about this before now and let me know what was going through your head?! Because i only know about it now. He said he tried but apparently not in a way to let me know what he really meant. It's not financial because i make all the money and pay all the bills so that isnt any of his concern.

I am so sorry to hear

sending you virtual hugs

View Quoted Comment Oh Melissa I’m truly sorry. Another way of looking at this as well ... there are some men who struggles with their counterparts/spouses making more money they do... you may think it’s not a financial in ADDITION to the mental strain he’s going through . But since he’s mentioned he’s been trying to communicate this .... let it go... allow him to work on himself and mental state. Concern yourself with healing emotionally from this and KNOW NOT all men are weak as he seems to be projecting himself. There is someone worthy of your love. Also he may just not be the one God has in store for you. I truly believe if you’re not yoked with that person it’s not for you.. good luck and since you cannot get your money back PARTY with the people who LOVES you. Make lemonade / limoncello out of this lemon 🍋

View Quoted Comment How are things with the baby? How have they affected your time together: time with baby, are you constantly busy with work or baby. It is an old but sad and true saying that the only reason half of all fathers stay in the first year or two after a baby is because they are married, and there is no longer an easy out. Father may love mother and love child. But have great difficulty, finding life is different , and he does not like the changes
Depression is when the upset and sad, unfocussed flattening of emotion is beyond what is justified by circumstances. If your best friend dies and you cannot bring yourself to do anything much, not even work, for a couple weeks, that is a level of response reasonable for the situation, Grieving. When nothing jas happened, we will label it depression. Could it be that what you label depression is him realizing he made a big mistake in fathering a child, and not only was he not prepared, he has realized that counseling would maybe help him adjust
But he does not want to adjust, he does not want therapy. He wants OUT. He was sure he wanted you, loved you, before. The mommy of the child, that you, he has begun to realize he does not want. and if he cannot say, I want to adjust my life and view of the world to one with you and the baby, doing whatever it takes, than perhaps he is doing what is for him the most functional thing: getting out, not getting in deeper. And while you are in shock, it may not be fixable. He may not really want the responsibility 24/7. You cannot put it away when you are not using it. Babies are like that. And your focus includes him, but you are not treating him your boyfriend as the center of your universe, and won't any time soon. Things have permanently changed, and he foes ont want to work on it. If that is the case, and he has come to a realistic assessment of himself, you need to find out. And build a life without him as a supporting beam. If this is the case, I am sorry for you. But holding things together and getting married to him may not happen at all. And shouldn't. And you have to plan a life for you and the baby without him. If as you say, he generally backs away at the first sign of difficulty, this is it. And he is pulling out. .

I'm sad to say that I can relate to you very well. My FH suffers from CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and it has caused him to leave me twice. I won't pretend that it's easy to deal with, because it's definitely not. As I have learnt the hard way, there sadly isn't much you can do for him. He has to want help, and be willing to seek it for himself. I have actually made this my requirement from FH. He has to get professional help for himself, or I won't be there for him. It's heartwrenching to say, because I feel like I've failed him somehow, despite knowing that isn't true. But I have to think of what's best for us as individuals, so we can be the best partners to each other.

I'm so sorry that you are hurting because of his pain, but please know that you're not alone in it. I'm thinking of you. 🤗

If he likely (or certainly) has mental health issues, I HIGHLY recommend you look into the organization NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). It is a phenomenal national organization (with local chapters in every state) that offers FREE resources to both those with mental illness and, perhaps more importantly, to their family and friends. As a pp mentioned, until your FH is willing to seek help and follow a treatment plan, there isn't a lot you can do for him, but there is so much you can do for yourself -- both in terms of education and seeking support. NAMI offers an excellent program called Family to Family that can be a godsend for individuals trying to deal with the mental health issues of those they love. Even if the two of you decide not to marry, as your child's father, you are likely going to be interacting with him for a very long time to come; having information and support will make that easier. Good luck to you.

I'm in the same boat. Any advice?