Fiance not helping

What? It is his job to plan the wedding. YOU BOTH are getting married, you're not marrying yourself, you're not marrying your MOH or your mother. You need to get him back to reality and let him know he is wrong and he should cooperate for your wedding.

My suggestion would be to find a checklist, sit down with him, and tell him that it's BOTH your day, and you can't get it together without him. Then provide him with specific tasks and a specific deadline. If he pushes back and tells you to have your MOH and mom help, remind him that they aren't the hosts of your wedding.

Have you put a deposit down for any vendors? You can always postpone planning until you get on the same page. Good luck!

I'm going through the opposite. I'm the Groom and the Bride and MotherInLaw won't let me in on hardly any details! I'm only on this site to see if there's anything I could do that they haven't thought of.

I think that’s pretty rude of him. I understand not being into wedding planning but he still needs to help out or at least give his opinion. My only advice is for you to start getting ideas (like colors, venues, bridal party)from here, Pinterest, or the Knot. Once you have some ideas, give him a couple options and tell him that he needs to help you secure everything down

I did what kaylyn suggested. I made a Pinterest board for my ideas for each category: cake, colors, flowers, decor, etc. Then I showed him each board and we discussed what he did/didn’t like. It was much easier to show him actual pictures and get input that way.

Thanks for the feedback I do have a vision board and checklist that he sees everyday. We have already paid a deposit for the venue and I think without that he would be pushing more to do what he's done before and just eloped. From a person who is very family oriented for me to eloped I would be disowned by some of my family so that's not something I want to do. I love him but at this point I don't know what else to do.

My fella is laid back and feels like whatever I want is "fine". He trusts my opinion which is wonderful but sometimes I really want to hear his. So I present choices in a this or this kind of fashion. Or I lay out several choices and ask his least favorite. As for the guest list, he really does need to participate. If you have to make cuts, ask for his must haves then lay out several choices of guests and ask who him to rank those choices.

View Quoted Comment Thanks he's kinda the same way very laid back.

What we did is made a Pinterest board together that we both added to until we had similar visions (though mine overruled oops!) I have contacted almost all the vendors and would narrow them down to people in our price range and then have him loom at them. If we both agreed we liked a person I set a meeting for a time we could both go. So honestly I'm doing 80% of the planning but still getting his input on everything along the way. I know some things he didn't care about but it's both of your day and your FH needs to be involved. You're not marrying your MOH.

Curious about the gender roles in your relationship. Does he contribute to things around the house, like cooking, housework, etc? Or does he leave all that to you as well? If that were the case, I'd be giving some serious thoughts to marrying this man.

If his disinterest is singular to wedding planning, you can decide how much you want to let it bother you. If you ask him to help with something specific, would he? "Ok, hon. I've called around and gotten some caterer quotes. Could you help out by talking to some DJ choices?" Again, if he refuses to put in any effort at all? Woof...

I would be very bothered by this. My husband is also very quiet and laid back, and tried to pull the "whatever you want" thing, too, earlier in our planning. I told my H we are a team, and that means we plan OUR wedding together. He got on board after that. Hope it goes better for you.

Why does he think other people need to plan HIS wedding?

I see wedding planning as a test to work as a team before your marriage. It is stressful, but married life will have more stressful moments and you will need to work together.

I would have a serious talk with him. Whenever he gives you his canned response, stop him and tell him he needs to help.

My guy is also very laid back and always says "I don't know" or "I don't care" about everything (not just the wedding). When he was hesitant to help at first, I sat him down and I told him I need his help, that this isn't something I can do alone and his input would be a huge stress reliever. I get very stressed at times, so when I put it that way, he got it and started helping. I still do more than he does, but we work together on things now. I too present him with ideas, photos, options, etc. so that we can pick and choose together. At the end of the day, he does still tell me to do whatever I want, but he now gives me his opinion, especially when I show him photos because he can't visualize things. And he does help with little tasks here and there (also helped with the venue which was huge). All that said, he never once told me I had to plan the wedding all by myself. You guys are BOTH getting married. He needs to be part of the planning process too. So rude and not fair of him to not help out.

Richard, I'm so sorry you're being pushed out! I hear guys like finding the DJ and planning the honeymoon. Have those already been planned?

I understand completely why other people would be concerned about this, but this is similar to me and FH and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. He's fairly hands off in the entire process and left it all up to me to plan and finance (he's a student and the money he does have goes towards our shared expenses, so it's not like he's not contributing). If I ask him a question about something, he may indulge me and actually choose something but otherwise he doesn't 'care' about the details of the wedding. However, I keep him included in the process anyway and let him know about my top choice vendors and make sure he's present for face to face/phone call conversations so that he's not out of the loop. I'm essentially making the decision for both of us but I keep him included in case he decides to voice his opinion about a vendor or detail. After visiting our venue for the first time, he expressed his opinion on how he wanted his groomsmen to look and other details about it, which was more than he had ever contributed to the wedding at the time.

How about having a conversation with him saying that while you'll contact vendors, you'd love his honest input to help make the planning process a little easier for you if he's dead set on leaving it up to you (similar to my situation)?

Most of my married lady friends said they planned everything because their spouses wouldn’t help. I’m actually lucky with mine! He enjoys helping me plan, even though we have disagreements on some of the stuff. You said in a comment that he eloped last time? So if this is his second marriage maybe he feels like it’s more your time to shine and he’s just wanting to make sure you’re happy with how it turns out? Or is he more of an introvert and isn’t really wanting to be surrounded by lots of people With all of the attention on you guys?

My fiance is super busy and is not really interested in wedding colors, decor, flowers, all that girly stuff I plan on having at our wedding. He bought me a beautiful engagement ring and follows all the specs on what I wanted. He paid for the big tickets items - catering and the venue. He got his frat brother to DJ our wedding for free and we are working on finding a photographer. I'm taking care of everything else. He does not care what the reception hall looks like, flowers, centerpieces, tablescape, none of it. He's working or watching the game. If it was up to him we could have gotten married in a little church hall with paper streamers, black folding chair, a sheet cake and jugs of lemonade -- he would have been all good with it, but I was like........nah!

Men typically don't care about the wedding details, they just give their list of folks they want there and basically just want to know where and what time they need to show up. I'm cool with that as long as they are contributing financially and paying for stuff.

I just wouldn't plan anything at all if he didn't want to get involved. It's not just a party for the bride.

Well he needs to involved with the guest list if he wants his loved to attend so there's that.

Question: have you ever talked about what your dream wedding or what you both want your wedding to look like, feel, important elements, etc?

View Quoted Comment He does help around the house though when we first started dating he tried to pull roles on me.

View Quoted Comment When we discuss wedding and what we wanted he just wanted to go to the court house, but knew that wasn't what I wanted. Part of the issue is that he has been married twice which ours will be the third time and his other weddings were just elopements so that's what he wants to do again. Maybe it is just so I can have whatever I want and we are splitting the cost. However I can't send anything out if I can't get him to give me a list of who he wants there