Fiancé refuses any wedding talk..

I actually posted such a forum as well. However, it was something that instead of being constructive criticism turned ugly (which was not my intentions of it) so I got rid of the post. My fiance doesn't do anything he doesn't mean and when he proposed he went all out. In fact when women I know ask me how did he propose? They tell me wow he loves you! I didn't even get nothing like that. My fiance can easily get overwhelmed and can overthink alot. He doesn't like the idea of paying for something way in advance bc what if something happens between us. The men at his job and friends talk about how miserable they are being married and he wonders if that will be us. Honestly I thought that too bc my friends are going through divorces. He expresses he is happy to be engaged. Side note, I didn't force him to propose to me. I personally never gave marriage a thought up until now.

Mine is tentative about wedding planning. He doesn't give me feedback and changes dates on me but doesn't tell me anything else other than that. Now I thought he'd be all excited and last night I broke down and cried and asked why he doesn't want to help me plan, he had said in the past he wants to be part of it just nothing crazy!

So here's why he doesn't he isn't participate as much as I think he should:

1. He has been jaded in the past. He's been divorced once and engaged another time and both those women were planning the wedding basically without him and treated him poorly when he suggested otherwise.

2. He spent loads of money on the last two marriages only for them to not work out

3. He gets anxious with all the stress planning creates and shuts down

4. He thinks it's embarrassing that he doesn't have a family to come to his wedding so everyone would be from my side (this is an irrational fear of his, his family is around but for religious reasons they do not talk or hang out with us but they would still go to a wedding for us)

5. He doesn't care what colors there are as long as he has something incorporated into it (his fav color is navy so I'm going with that)

6. I'm a planner/detailed woman, he is not a planner and is late to everything so it makes sense that he wouldn't want to plan it just go with whatever a planner says.

So last night I said I give up. Let's do a DW and I'll invite my four parents and you can invite whoever and our daughter can come.

After I said that and worked out the rough math (including wedding, dinner, stay, and airfare) I told him my numbers and logic and he was like THANK YOU now we don't have to plan as much.

So I guess I was over planning him.

Well, my fiancé moved to another state for a job (500 plus miles away from me) so I don't force him to do anything but show up and get his suits figured out. He's too busy to help and my mother and mother in law have been very helpful in planning the wedding.

On the other side of the coin, there are some future brides that are totally unexcited. Rev April made me think of my mom.

My mom for example has been engaged for two years, and I'll probably get married before she does because there has been absolutely no talk of her getting married, she even shushes me when i ask when her fiance is close! She does not want to get married, she had been single for 10 years before and loved it, she is the most independent and successful person I know. She just wanted a companion, shes been divorced already, but her FH wants marriage, he is a widower and feels differently. They kind of compromised where he moved in and theyre engaged. I'm sure my wedding will bring up some tension between them, because he wants the commitment

ETA grammar

Also, some men are like this about everything. My FH is still refusing to discuss what he wants to do for his birthday, which is in three weeks.

No Shanita - it DIDN'T turn ugly. You took one comment and took offense to it and blew it out of proportion. You got booty bothered. End of story.

ETA: and if it did that was on you.

@ A. L. yes! FH still hasn't told me if he wants to skip this kid's party Saturday (also FH's birthday) or go. He genuinely thinks life magically plans itself. He tells me all the time. "I'm so glad I have you."

Like, dude just make a decision!

@5starfuturemalcolm, yeah, mine is like, "Why do we need to talk about Saturday's plans now? It's Thursday."

Um, because there are some things called reservations, darling.

This confuses me too although I know men are more likely to just go with the flow on certain things. I believe that it is not just the Bride's wedding it is the Groom's wedding too, but I am not sure it could be tons of reasons why, and I am curious to find out.

"He wants to be married to me he just isn't interested in the wedding part which is the most important part. "

Uh.. The wedding isn't the most important part. That's 1 expensive day. The marriage is the most important part of a marriage.

BoozyBaker you are absolutely right the marriage is the most important part.

My guy gets panic attacks whenever we talk about it and yeah it's a real drag. It's like I've been looking forward to this whole process and now it's just meh

I am confused. The man that asked you to marry him will not talk about the wedding at all? Let me ask how in the world you are supposed to plan if he won't talk?

My fiance doesn't like to talk about it, but it's not like he doesn't want to get married, he just doesn't care about the big wedding stuff, he'd be fine with just the two of us heading to the courthouse. BUT he knows that this is something I and our parents care about, so he's going along with it. I think he's going to have a great time once it's day of though, especially with the open bar And I've been dealing with his lack of wedding talk by chatting with my mom

View Quoted Comment I maybe you can help me if you are still available. Your situation is a lot like mine!

View Quoted Comment What's up. How can I help?

My problem is my fiancé doesn’t want a big wedding. In fact he wants to elope or have a parent/sibling dinner. So. He has zero interest in talking about something he doesn’t want. Started planning a big party and I’m going to probably cancel it.

Mine is involved if I ask, but I have been doing a lot of it myself. He wants to pick the music, his clothes, and the food, but other than that he doesn't care much. He said that he would be happy with a backyard thing so he wants me to have what I want.

When I did a quick mock up of a centerpiece I asked what color candle on top thinking he wouldn't care but he picked so I've just learned that he doesn't care about the little details, but if I ask he will at least give me his opinion.

My guy will not talk about it but we set a date. He will not talk about it but he gets overly stressed if i mention is and says he’s just trying to relax and there will be a day we will talk about it just not now. I told him i booked a venue we had spoke about and he got mad and said i should of discussed it further and that it’s our day and not just mine. But how am i supposed to discuss it further when he won’t talk about it? The wedding is literally 500 days away so we have time but gosh i can’t win. It took 10 years to get engaged just don’t know what to do and that was a nightmare to get him to talk about getting engaged. Ugh

I just had this conversation with my fiance he's not really a wedding planning person he would rather me just tell him that I'm about to buy something what it is exactly and how much it cost