Fiancé straying..

Ashley, I want you to imagine the scenario in which you stay and have children with this man. Think about your child, and imagine that child one day being in your shoes. Would you want your child to go ahead and get married anyway? Your instinct is to wish for your child to know better and love themselves enough to walk away from a situation which turned disrespectful even before they walked down the aisle.

There is no such thing as The One. There are men out there who will cherish and love you and protect you from harm and hurt. He is not going to do this for you. I'm terribly sorry. This is NOT your fault. Think about the example a future mom is setting. Your dignity is worth more than money. Your TIME is worth more than money. Don't waste any more time on this person. I have no doubt you love him, but it can be done once you fully realize this is a situation he put you guys in. I agree with letting other people handle the technicalities. You need to heal and get your life back on track right now.

Hugs, I'm sorry x

Why would you keep with someone who clearly doesn't value you the way you deserve? From experience, my dad cheated on my mom a week before they married with my half sisters mom (sister already three yrs old by then) and my parents have been married thirty years. But that's not the last time he cheated. If he's looking for those things now, what will he be doing in ten years?!? I can't imagine kids and a mortgage will make him value your relationship more.

Not a good idea, cancel the wedding. If its too hard to walk away from him (shouldn't be a hard decision) i suggest getting major counseling together.

Omg! I'll be long gone by now, who knows, if he haven't cheated already! The ad, on Craig's list, Just to much. Better you found out now, then to get married, and he's cheating! I'm so sorry this happened to you. You deserve better! Lots of hugs and prayers for you

Absolutely not. I know walking away is always easier said than done- but walk away.

All I can say is listen to your gut, you know that something isn't right and will never be right if you marry him. My ex cheated on me all the time but I never had proof but all had that feeling in my stomach that something was wrong I wish I listened and got out sooner. I'm sorry this has happened you and maybe you can't see it now but everything will be ok.... hugs x

Wow I feel so bad for you. It's easy for people to say leave, but the truth is you never know what you'll do unless you're in the situation yourself. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.

Have you talked to FH? Like really talked! Why did he do it? Are there underlying issues that need to be resolved? Has he ever done anything like this before? Will he agree to counseling with you? Are you yourself open to counseling?

There's a lot that needs to discussed if you decide to still get married. Ud strongly recommend postponing. I know it's not ideal, but neither is divorce.

Good luck! Hugs!!

OP if your wedding wasn't in 9 days, would you stay? Cancelling a wedding may be embarrassing but a cheating husband (he might not have cheated yet but he will) and a messy divorce are ten times worse.

Ashley, I'm sorry you're going to be bombarded by all these posts if/when you come back, but I hope it means something to you that so many of us here are telling you that you deserve better. What your (hopefully ex) FH did is the worst type of cheating in my eyes. All cheating is bad, yea. But there's "OMG I got so drunk and kissed someone else at the bar and I'm so fucking sorry it was a mistake and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to" type of cheating. Then there's scum of the earth level cheating. Calculated, thought-out, pre-planned cheating. And that's what your FH did and that's disgusting, disrespectful, and completely unforgiveable in my book. It wasn't an oops moment, a mistake. He wanted to cheat on you so bad he was willing to get a BJ from a stranger. The lack of respect there is just unfathomable. You need to run. I don't care how great you think he is..a good guy would never do what he has done to you. I wish you the best and I hope you can see reason here.

Im so sorry this is happening. That is such a difficult situation to be put into. I would not go through with the wedding. I wouldn't imagine his behavior would stop once you're married. I feel like this is his (not so) subtle way of showing you he's not ready for marriage and/or that he does not want to be married. Good thing you found out beforehand. No one will blame you for calling the off the wedding considering the circumstance. Leave that fool behind.

PP have pretty much said it all.

From personal experience "once a cheater, always a cheater". He went out of his way to post the craigslist add, he went on "dates" with another women. This is not a one night drunk mistake. He had to have though about this decision for hours. It fucked up to think that cheating is oky, even if nothing happened.

Even if you get counselling would you be able to trust him?

Hell no!!!

A lot of people may say to immediately dump him, but if your relationship means a lot to both of you, then you should seek counseling. Postpone the wedding, and make sure you guys have open conversations. If you choose to leave him, that is perfectly fine. If you choose to work thing through, and stay, that is also fine. Relationships aren't 100% black and white, although it's hard for us on the outside to see that, so do what is going to make you happiest in the end despite the overwhelming feelings you may be experiencing now.

Marry him???????? Oh, Honey, when I was done there would be nothing left to marry.

I am sorry this is happening. That you can even consider staying with him...boggles my mind. You must be a far more compassionate and forgiving person than I could ever be.

I am sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine how difficult it is this close to a wedding but you're going into a huge commitment now with out trust - and that's going to end up breaking you. The only reason why he didn't physically cheat on you is because no one took the bait - if someone had he would have physically cheated. And in my honest opinion he did physically cheat, he went out in search of it - to me that's the same thing. How long has this actually been going on? You have no idea! And it's probably going to continue, at least until he's ready (if ever) to make this type of commitment to one person. And he WON'T be ready in nine days. Edit: words are difficult sometimes

Ashley,

Please do not stay with him. He does not respect you, plain and simple. Just because nothing physical happened doesn't mean he didn't INTEND to cheat on you. How can you go through with this marriage without trust? What if you have to leave for a weekend again? How can you know for sure he won't start posting Craigslist ads looking for some action? Honestly, you say nothing physical happened, but how can you know for sure? He has already done this twice (that you know about).

This is what I would do: cancel the wedding. Have your MOH, bridesmaids, and family spread the word to the other guests that the wedding has been canceled. You don't have to explain yourself. Then, think long and hard, if this relationship is worth it. If you think it's worth it to give another shot, go seek counseling for the both of you. If not, move on. I know how hard that can be, but you deserve SO much better.

Personally, this would be a deal breaker for me. The silver lining: You found out before you got married to this asshole. I am so sorry you are going through this, but stay strong and spend time with your loved ones. You will be okay. Lots of hugs to you.

Maybe he's the one for you (for whatever insane reason), but clearly you are not the one for him. If you were the one for him, he wouldn't have gone onto CRAIG'S LIST to ask for a BJ from a STRANGER.

Just sayin'.

Walk away. Very quickly.

Maybe nothing physical happened, but he already cheated on you emotionally. I couldn't go through with it.

Ashley- I know you are suffering- and probably why you haven't come back.

This is HUGE- and I'm sure it's a burden of epic proportions- I can't imagine the pain.

At the very least you need to postpone- at the ABSOLUTE very least- you need to postpone- and create some distance.

As someone who does not deal with jealous- I'm comfortable having separate conversations with other men (and women) on going and regular. We are long distance- I do not live in a vaccum- I spend time one on one with people who *might* be interested in me. But that's not why I'm with them.

So I'm not one to judge based on "well he was having a conversation" or " they went to a bar"- fuck I bought my friend a battery and we came home and I made us dinner- we aren't rich- it was cheaper than grabbing a bite to eat. I know to others it's sketch- but for me- it's life.

I implicitly trust FH- and he trusts me. He knows if that's what I said happened- that's what happened.

If you know- or think there are other intentions- that changes the playing field and the understanding of what's going on 100%. You need space and time. And counselling.

At the very least postpone- and work it out.

I'm inclined based on everything else to say run- but at the VERY least- you need space and to postpone.

Coming back from an unfaithful situation IS possible- but it takes years of work.