Fiancé straying..

There's nothing that could change my opinion on this matter, but I'm just curious how you found out about all this? Did he come clean or did you catch him somehow?

I know its hard but you can't stay with someone like that! They will cheat and hurt you in the long run. A real man knows the only blowjob he should ask for is from his partner/wife!

It does not matter if "nothing happened"

That is just a shitty excuse he has put in your head.

I can't imagine what your feeling right now, but if it were me I would definitely not marry him.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

Ashley.

First and foremost...I hope you take these comments in the spirit that they are given. We are all concerned and wanting what is best for you.

In the end, a bunch of strangers on the internet can't make your decision for you...but we will offer advice, comments, share stories, and send all the positive juju we can to you.

As far as your FH goes...

I know its easy to say "If it was me I'd leave".

Its not easy to go through with it though. This is someone you're supposed to be spending the rest of your life with.

With that in mind, let me ask you.

Can you imagine finding out about this or worse for the rest of your life?

I do not subscribe to the "once a cheater always a cheater" mentality. I've known people who have cheated once, and have never done it ever again.

BUT.

If he hasn't done anything physically yet...he has definitely cheated already by simply having the intentions to cheat. There are very few people who post Craigslist ads without ACTUAL intent to follow through. (I'm one of the few who does, just to see what kind of sick fucks I can find out there, but never follow through. Ever. Never even have the intent. But that's for another day.)

Maybe...MAYBE him meeting another woman at a bar was innocent...but it shouldn't be something you "find out" about. He should tell you if he's meeting a friend, etc. Communication is key in any relationship, and it truly makes my heart hurt that he's put you through this.

I'm very curious about how you found out about all this. Did he tell you? Did you find something in his phone/email?

I'm glad you're going to see your priest.

Please see a counselor as well.

Cancel the wedding. Its going to suck to lose money...but you definitely need time to work through this to decide if this is someone you actually CAN spend the rest of your life with. If this is someone that you'll EVER be able to trust again. Once trust is broken, there is ALWAYS suspicion behind EVERYTHING that they do. Its really difficult to rebuild trust. Really difficult.

You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Anyone who posts for a CL BJ while you're out of town is NOT treating you with love or respect, or looking out for your best interest.

Please keep us posted. Please don't worry about any possibilities of embarrassment if you call off the wedding.

Your guests are your family and friends, and they would want you to do what is best for YOU. If cancelling and leaving is best (and I believe it is), they will understand.

Just sit and think, would I want to put up with this for the rest of my life. They don't change after you marry them. I have seen it plenty of times. You have to do what is best for you regardless of how bad it hurts. You deserve better!

I'm sorry to hear this and I hope this session with your priest helps, but your FH obviously has some issues going on and I'd be surprised if one talk before the wedding does anything. He may not have physically cheated but he certainly has by his intentions. You may believe he's the man for you but his actions don't echo the same truth. He may love you, but that love needs to be defined, because if he is capable of doing this leading up to the wedding, he'll do it after your married. And you'll wonder if he's still at it. Hard decisions in the 11th hour are never easy. I wish you well.

You make excuses for him in a way when you say nothing came from his attempts to cheat on you. How is that better? Trying to cheat on you, and actually cheating on you, are just as bad as the other. Do not spend the rest of your life feeling the urge to look through his texts, messages, e-mails, search history to see if he's doing it again every night he's out late or when you leave town.

Nope. I've been cheated on before and I won't ever allow that to happen in my relationship again. (I divorced due to cheating). If he can't be faithful now then he won't be faithful after you get married.

Ashley,

First, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I read where you said you are going to go talk to your priest and I sincerely hope the priest encourages you to at a minimum postpone your wedding. I personally would hope I had the fortitude to cancel the wedding if FH did something like that.

Your FH(at this point) broke your trust and that is no way to start a marriage. Trust is hard to build back and even if from here on out he was 100% perfect, would you ever be able to trust him again? I know I wouldn't and would question everything he did. I would also be very resentful. None of that builds a good foundation for a marriage and it crumbles any foundation that is there.

I wish you luck and know that you have 14 pages of women who want to support you.

Could you really look him in the eyes in a week and promise yourself to him forever? No no no. Your family will understand if you cancel the wedding I promise. And you FH should be able to understand as well.

DO NOT MARRY!

You are better than that, no one deserves to be cheated on, and I mean no one! You said that "he is the one for me". That may be true, but the thing is, you are not the one for him. If you were, he wouldnt have to try to look for someone else to "have fun" with or hook up with. You have to think, if he does it once, most likely it will happen again later on down the road. Yeah, it sucks that money will most likely be thrown away if you were to cancel the wedding but a divorce will cost more money too.

Has OP come back to this since she said he was the one for her and wanted to work it out?

OP, I'm currently in a marriage and family therapy Master's program. I would be happy to share with you any material from my textbooks or a course that discusses the future challenges you and FH will have if you decide to continue with the marriage. Yes, it is possible that you could have a successful marriage. But it is so much less likely at this point, and very likely he will do this again. If you need any resources, I am also a current member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists so I can gather information, or referrals, if you would like them.

Postpone or cancel!

Sass- on page 12 she mentioned that they were going to counseling with their priest today (or something along those lines)

Totally agree with Kristen above. I know you don't want to hear it, but he's just not that into you if he is straying before you are even married. Imagine when you are busy with children and career in ALL the years to come. You will never be able to trust that he is where he says or is with who he says. I wouldn't be able to get over this one easily. Absolutely postpone if you don't cancel.

@Sass, OP said she was going to go to see their priest with FH this morning to discuss what happened. She hasn't decided what to do yet.

Thanks MrsO, I haven't looked at all the comments since after she said she was trying to make it work, skimming only.

ETA Thanks, MayBride!

Ashley, it sounds like you are a believer so my advice is coming from a place of like-mindedness in that regard, if I'm mistaken please do not take offense, and forgive me.

He is not "the ONE" for you. No one is. God gave us free will. When it comes to marriage, you make a choice. And then live with the consequences of that choice. God did not predestine you to be with this man who would seek a sexual relationship with a stranger online, or hide his whereabouts from you because he is with another woman.

This is like choosing to jump in front of a bus, knowing the likelihood of that bus being able to slam on the breaks and swerve to miss you is VERY slim. You're making a choice to get hit by that bus. Don't do it. Don't get married in nine days.

ETA:your/you're

Oh Ashley my heart is literally breaking for you! I have been in that limbo before (not due to this same issue) of deciding whether or not to continue with a wedding and it is horrible. Despite what has happened you cannot turn off your feelings for this person like a light switch but you feel so betrayed by them. Despite the probability of it happening again I don't think its the time to make big decisions. However, I do think you need to postpone the wedding to give you and him time to sort through the tremendous amount of emotions you are going through. Don't worry about what people will think of you for doing so. They don't have to know the reason why and I am sure if they did, the majority of your guests would be supportive of you. As someone else suggested, lean on your family and possibly bridal party to help spread the word to guests that the wedding has been postponed. Couples counseling is good but you also need to go through some counseling and soul searching on your own. Take care of you!!!