Fiancé straying..

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Fidelity is not the most important thing. Communication, honesty, humility, trust. Agreeing yes or no to kids. Life goals. These things are more important than sex someone thought about with another person. I am not defending him or his actions. And you should leave if you don't think you can get past this or let him EARN your trust back.

I strongly disagree Sarah. I'd rank being faithful as one of the most important things in a relationship. It goes along with being honest and trustworthy. Hell I'd even rank it above children in a relationship. You shouldn't have to worry about the fidelity of your future spouse.

I'm going out on a limb here as assuming you've never been cheated on because of how you worded your response. My apologies if that is an incorrect assumption. I have and I know there is no way I could ever go back with someone or let them earn trust back after they violated our relationship to start with. I suppose it's a personal preference.

@OP- every time this thread comes up I hope that you are doing well in whatever choice you ended up making.

So OP doesn't keep her social accts buttoned up and I found them. Looks like she's getting married this weekend. Sighhh.

@Sarah, this is lack of communication (lying, keeping secrets), no honesty, no humility and absolutely no trust. Kids, goals? How about respect?

How can you have anything without it?

eta @Rachel..so sad. And they have a Honeyfund...

I feel sorry for her.

Well. It's a decision she's made and is going to have to deal with, not knowing what her husband is doing or who he's with.

@Nonna, Yes, sad is right. And yes, I saw the honeyfund. Gross! Oh well. I wish her the best, but seriously, such a bad decision!

Yikes. He's going to be making it up to her for an eternity.

Les- In my eyes there's no making up for cheating. Its done, cant be changed.

I really hope OP comes back with an update. The wedding is Saturday. I could never imagine marrying someone when I found all this out about them.

^^^ in theory, but probably not. It probably wasn't the first time and won't be the last. That being said, all the best to you OP. Hope it works out (truly)!

(Directed at LES's comment)

Ashley.. I'm so sorry you're going through this.. I don't know if you're going to read this, but I would not marry him.. you know.. my fiancee and I had to postpone our wedding because there was a lot of hurt and pain from the past.. we knew we had to deal with this before getting married. Our wedding was for this September 2016... it hit me really hard when my pastor said we needed to postpone the wedding because you can't go into marriage with hurt and unforgiveness.. I had everything ready.. invitations, dress, decorations, videographer, photographer, EVERYTHING... BUT now I realize she was right.. I know it's really hard and it's going to take a lot of courage from you, but is this what you really want? Do not think about him for a minute.. and ask yourself if you deserve what he's been doing... if it wasn't bad, why keep it a secret?.. I'm so sorry Ashley, but no one deserves this. You don't deserve this... We're talking about your future here... we lost money because we had to postpone, but my happiness and your happiness worth more than all that money. It's a tough decision girl, but you can do it. You deserve the best. Trust is one of the pillars for marriage.. keep that in mind.. Lots of hugs!! Be wise when making a decision that's going to affect your inner peace and most importantly, your future children.

Yeah, I totally get what you guys mean. Cheating would be a deal breaker for me, no doubt. I think that some women take back their cheating BF's, husbands, etc. because they think that they will forever have the upper hand. Doesn't always go that way, though. The guy may be super apologetic for a while, but eventually he will get sick of being in the dog house and stop giving a fuck.

I think we are part of a social experiment. Come on now....

When was the last time OP updated this? Anyone know?

So I think we can all agree that OP isn't coming back. She basically got it off her chest to us because she wouldn't dare tell her family and now we are here hoping she doesn't marry when ultimately she is at her rehearsal as we speak. (Not literally but just saying)

@beaut - there was an update that said someone saw her social media and she's still getting married.

I actually know someone who knows someone in their bridal party... Small World.

Personally, as someone who has been in a relationship with someone who had trust issues that is no way to live. Everyday was like a police interrogation, and in my case it was over nothing at all. She had some demons from previous experiences or something.

Edit... I'd kick his ass out.

Ooh, now I'm nervous! How can you find someone's social media accounts through here? Not that I'm hiding anything shady, just didn't know my real name was available anywhere here.

This is coming from someone who has been in a situation similar to yours. Leave. It hurts, but it will be the best for both of you. He was emotionally cheating on you and it will not stop, even if he apologizes and feels horrible and you will pay lots of $ for counseling that will end up with both of you feeling out of sorts about your marriage. Don't even postpone your wedding.. It's not going to end well, but you will heal over time and you will be better without an emotionally cheating man in your life.

This happened like 4 years ago to me and I am so happy that someone told me to just leave and I did!