Fiancé straying..

I am so sorry you are having to go through the this, I went through this with my cockroach of an ex and it is the worst feeling ever. To be honest though, it shouldn't even be a question :/ you deserve better than that and if he doesn't feel like he has enough with you, then he never will and you will be dealing with situations like these the REST of your life. You're at the point right now where you still have time to just end everything before it's too late and don't even worry about the money already spent or everything you had planned, a life with a shitty man that doesn't respect you will never make up for that... I'm so sorry and I really hope you gather the strength to leave him because if he was willing to cheat, it will most likely eventually happen. Even if nothing physically happened, the fact that he WANTS to cheat, is just as bad if not worse. Good luck and all the good energy for you :/

ETA: Forgot a couple of words.

I also had an ex who posted a craigslist ad looking for oral. He had all kinds of excuses that ultimately can't excuse something that is a clear violation of the relationship (whether or not he was successful in physically straying). It's been almost a decade and I'm SO happy I left him. He is happily in a long-term relationship but still reaches out to me in inappropriate ways every blue moon. I'm confident that he would happily cheat if the opportunity arises in any relationship, even 10 years later.

I'm really sorry you're finding this out so close to the wedding. Only you can decide whether you want to spend your life with him. I wish you all the best.

Ashley, I have been in your almost exact position. I was so naive. No one deserves to be in your position. Emotionally cheating is just as bad as physically cheating. I'm sure your friends and family would not want this for you. You WILL thank yourself later. I wish you the best.

Absolutely not. I would probably knock his teeth down his throat while I was at it. Fuck cheaters and everything they're about.

I'll just add this: Would you ever, in a million years, do to him the same things he did to you?

If you choose to stay with him please know that it will be a rough road for both of you. I am not saying leave him and I assure you I am not even thinking it. I do however want you to remember that if you choose to stay with him you will question what he is really doing any time he goes out with the guys or if you go out of town you won't really enjoy yourself because you will be wondering what he is up to. It is able to overcome and you can get through this but it won't be easy and it will take time. My suggestion is to postpone the wedding, decide if you want to stick with the relationship, once the decision is made then leave or work through it. Having the wedding so close forces you to make a quick decision to determine your future

Hell. No.

Run. Everyone will understand...I bet people would be disappointed if you stayed.

.

I can tell by your responses that you are clearly in denial right now OP. All the more reason to stop this train! So he didn't physically cheat (that you know of). So respect is not required for you? You deserve so much more than that. How embarrassing to solicit sex online?! What if your friends or family stumbled across that in Craigslist?!!! Please don't go through with this marriage.

Postponing the wedding is a must, at minimum. It's not honest to pledge yourself to each other only nine days after finding out this information. I will say, once a cheater (often) always a cheater. People can reform but not always. I think you should take this as a gift and get out of the relationship entirely. This is a set up for further, deeper heartbreak.

Definitely postpone. Yes it's a lot to break things off, but he caused this, not you. If you want to work it out, seek counseling. I know you're so close to your wedding day, but you will likely regret it if you go through at this point.

Dude I would be gone so fast he didn't know what hit him! I wouldn't even have to think about it. Like at all. Bye, peace, GTFO... He doesn't respect you now what makes you think he will when you are married! Girl you dodged the biggest bullet. Consider yourself lucky you aren't being tied to that ass hat for the rest of your life!

Ashley, you may THINK you "know" he never got physical - but when it comes down to it, you have no idea. You have no clue when this behavior started, how long it's been going on, who he has seen and what craiglist ads were answered.

Let me ask you this - if you had a child, or a sister, or a best friend, would you think your (ex)fiance is good enough for THEM to marry? The answer is probably "no". So why in the hell would you ever think someone that IS loyal should stay with someone unloyal?

As someone that spent 7 years of my life with a guy who had every red flag, had everyone screaming "leave", I KNOW it's hard to 'just leave'. I know. But, he doesn't love you. He may love you in a WAY, but love is not meant to be painful. Love is not meant to be hurtful, or disloyal. Love is kind, and gentle, and honest.

Da f? Seriously no run! This is not the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Leaving now will be so hard, but leaving once you're married will be worse. Lose the deposits and run. I am so so sorry this happened to you!

You deserve better than this. Don't tolerate this in your life. If you stay, he will do it again or more. You only have one life, don't waste it on someone who doesn't care.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot even imagine how hurt and confused you must feel.

But please, do not marry this man.

Of course it is difficult to leave because you love him, and you've invested all the time in this wedding and the relationship. But he didn't think about all of those investments when he did what he did.

He acted in his own selfish interest and you know what? You need to act in your own interest now and leave him. You will find someone worthy of your love.

You. Deserve. Better.

You. Are. Worth. It.

I'd really like to know how you "know for a fact" that nothing happened. I'd love to have had that sort of ability when my ex-fiancé was cheating on me (with the girl who revealed she was pregnant a month after we broke up and he's now married to with two children). He also swore "nothing physical happened".

I know that you know what to do. It's hard, but you know it's right.

Ashley,

Cancel the wedding! Cheating is a deal breaker for me, and something I made clear at the beginning of my relationships. I also made clear that ANY cheating, is cheating, even if sex didn't happen. I know it is hard to leave, and your heart comes up with a million excuses. From my own experience, it was 100x harder to follow through with leaving once there were kids in the picture. Still, leaving was the best thing I could have ever done!! Get out now, before you make a family with him and he does it again.

But, if things are already paid for in full, you could always just have a big party with your friends and family. Invite a local women's shelter and to fill his family's spots. Make something positive out of this shitty situation! If you are up to it, that is. I probably would be in my PJs up to my eyes in ice cream and vodka.

Many, many hugs <3

You are worth so much more than this. I would dump him to have the chance at finding someone who actually loves and cares about you. If he's doing stuff like this he has either probably done it before or will most likely do it again. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? Always coming second to his cheating whims? Please don't waste your life on a guy like that. No amount of lost money in deposits is worth that.