Fiancé straying..

I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through this exact same thing. Craigslist post and all. So trust me when I say I know exactly what you are gouging through, minus the wedding in 9 days. Let me tell you what I did when I found out and maybe it will help you, I hope. I had my suspensions that something was going on, as I'm sure you did. So I went through his phone and BAM my heart broke. I was embarrassed and disgusted with him and myself for thinking he loved me. I choose to stay with him after that for a short time and decided I could not get over it. The trust was gone. We were arguing all the time. I didn't believe anything he said. Before I left I keep thinking it was somehow my fault so I tried harder and harder to make him happy so he wouldn't have to look outside our relationship. I was sooo wrong. He didn't cheat because of something I wasn't giving him. We had a great sex life. He cheated because he was 1. Into drugs and 2. Had his own demons to face and that's how he decided to release his stress. I didn't have my moment of clarity until after I left him. It was not easy. I spent an entire week in bed and didn't talk to anyone or go to work. I was very depressed. Then my sister made me go out and have fun. I'm not going to lie, the following three months I was a mess. I turned to alcohol to handle things which only put me in even worse situations. But guess what, I was happier after about a month. I was actually able to sleep at night without wondering if he was out cheating on me. The bad dreams stop and it was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I wasn't constantly wondering if he was lieing to me. I was 100% focus on my happiness. I kind of count it as a blessing in disguise because before all that happened I was heading down a bad road. I learned more about myself in those three months than I ever had before that. Soon, I stopped drinking. I got a job Ioved and guess what. He noticed that. He knew I was happy. He knew he fucked up. He texted me and asked to get together as just friends and he actually APOLOGIZED! A man he never owned up to anything ever before did and realized how much he hurt me. He also changed his life around and stopped doing drugs so I am grateful for that because I did love him. The best thing that ever happened to either of us at that time was me catching him cheating. It saved us both. If you and FH live together leave the house for a night or two so you can clear your head and think straight. I'm sure you guys are arguing right now and that never solves anything. You need to be alone for a while. Think about his "reasons" why he did what he did and move on. It's not going to be easy and you going to second guess your decision but you need to do this for you and hope and pray that by you leaving you save yourself from a future of heartbreak and also maybe make him realize how he affected someone he said he loved and maybe it won't happen to the next one. Take this as a learning experience and go take some time for yourself. Or postpone the wedding for one year and go to counselling together. He needs to figure out why he decided to cheat and you deserve answers as well. Love is all about forgiveness but this is not the way you want to start a marriage. If you choose to continue on with the wedding it will show him he can walk all over you and the disrespect will continue. You guys need to get to the root cause of this as a couple or you need to keave. Do not get married without resolving this first.m, if you choose to stay. But please don't he needs to know that he needs to respect you even when your not around. If it is meant to be, you guys will find a way back to each other but for now I say go your own way and stand your ground on this.

@Ashley while there "might not" have been physical cheating, there was emotional cheating. And in my opinion that's just as bad. No one deserves a partner that disregards their feelings in the way he has. His intention was to not get caught and have these hookups on the side and that's just deplorable.

My advice: don't marry this man. I know it's a lot to leave a wedding this close but think about yourself in a year or two years. What about having kids? Imagine how much more complicated this can get. Save your self and your happiness and find someone who respects you enough to make you their one and only.

Good luck and much love to you!!

Humm wow. If your in love you should definitely seek counseling and work on it. If you're not in love send him packing-every faithful woman deserves an honest man.

Oh honey!! That's a tough spot to be in. Cheating doesn't always start with physical acts. Furthermore, he won't tell you if something physical happened. He has no business entertaining another woman. That is beyond disrespectful to you. It seems that he doesn't want to be married. Only you know what to do. I'll just say I'd run the opposite direction and save yourself some heartache and pain in the end. Don't do it!! Don't worry about what other people think because if they knew this they would tell you the same thing!!

Also, just know if you decide to stay with him he will keep doing it because he knows what you will accept. Ultimately, the question is are you okay with him cheating? Can you live with a cheater? It's cheating, asking for a BJ from some random person is not only disgusting but disrespectful to you. If you are, more power to you, it's your life so live it to your satisfaction. Always know that you deserve better!

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I could not imagine what you're going through! You deserve more than this. Go with your gut. You know what the right thing to do is.

Um no. Also i am soo soo sorry

I hope you come back OP and read this thread. I hope that you realize you are worth so much more than this. Right now it seems like it is easier said than done, but imagine actually going through and marrying this guy? What happens when he actually cheats? You will be pissed that you didn't leave when you had the chance. While I never wish harm on anyone's marriage, I think that you will be saving yourself a lot of pain, money, and despair by jumping ship now. Sending you hella hugs. I hope you are taking care of yourself.

I agree with Nikki..maybe he didnt do anything physical but the intentions were there...im sorry but if he Can't be loyal to you one weekend how do u expect him to donit for a lifetime?

Leave him, it hurts but take what's left of your budget and go on a fine vacation by yourself and kick his a** to the curb. You deserve better. No woman or man who's loyal should have to do deal with a SO who isn't loyal and he definitely isn't loyal!

@Ashley-- Just another person saying I am so sorry this has happened to you. I wish you the strength you will need to walk away. You deserve better.

And to OG Ashely G (and anyone else who said this)-- you said that asking for a BJ on line means he doesn't respect her. You're right. Hell, it also means, he doesn't respect himself. Ew.

I would beat him... Then leave him.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. What a scumbag. If you just started dating a guy and found out he was posting sexual ads on craigslist, would you continue to see him?? It's even worse that he is supposedly in a committed relationship! To me, cheating is horrible and really makes no sense, but the ad is just repulsive. You deserve so much better than this. Please make the decision that is right for you; don't take the easy way out.

I'm going to jump in with all of the ladies above and say if you have doubts now and are already finding stuff, imagine how much worse it will get once you are married or worse, when you're married/catch him in the act/pay even more heartache and $ wise for a divorce? I have been through this and honestly as much as it hurts, I left knowing I had to have respect for myself and as a result ended up meeting my SO and now years later am married to an amazing man because I left the sh!tty one. Please take care of yourself girl, hugs.

OP, he's not the one.

I know how hard this is, believe it or not. I almost cancelled my wedding to XH the night before, but my brother convinced me it was cold feet.

XH cheated on me about five months after the engagement. He cheated with the girl that introduced us, who was supposed to be his "best friend" and a close friend of mine. He was an hour and a half away at college, she was an hour further, and he decided to go "visit" one night...at 7pm. I found out because I had ended up calling to ask a question and his dorm mate answered and said he wasn't there. This was before texting.

I finally got hold of them around 11 that night. They had been "watching a movie." He was going to "sleep on her couch." They swore up and down nothing ever happened, a few years later, she admitted it had.

I forgave and moved on. He cheated over and over. He was abusive on top of it, and I just never left. I was miserable. I didn't leave until I was pregnant and abuse ended up physical with him trying to kill me, but the cheating and abuse had absolutely destroyed my self esteem and self worth.

Leave now, while you still have your self esteem. Leave because he is just going to keep doing it, and the more you catch him, the sneakier he will get. What happens if he brings you home some incurable disease? What happens if he gives you hpv and you end up with cervical cancer because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants?

He isn't worth it. Don't waste your time on this man, because he isn't going to change. Go find someone that is going to love and be happy with only YOU, not a harem of skanks he finds on Craigslist.

Ashley,

@Jacks' SO said it best: your FH might not have physically cheated yet but HE WILL in the future. I can guarantee that. He dipped his toes into the water, felt whatever thrill or ego boost he was looking for and he will go back looking for it again. He is NOT READY to be in a committed relationship for the of his life right now. Not in 9 days. Maybe not ever with you. Are you going to take that gamble on wretched heartache and pain for the 4-8 years until you divorce him? When you've added kids to the mix because deep down you're hoping he'll change once he's a father? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Buckle up sweetie, you're in for a bitch of a ride.

Or. You can postpone. I know you're torn, you feel alone, you feel like your parents won't forgive you (they've contributed, am I right?) you feel like your friends and community will be disappointed or look down on you. You could postpone and try counseling, that's one option. Or...

This is a sign, something or somebody is trying to rescue you--be it fate, good Karma, God or the Goddess. Take it. Grasp it. Gather support from those around you who love you and want you to be happy AND RUN.

*haven't read manh past comments.

First, I'm sorry he's doing this to you. That's low, and he doesn't deserve your love and devotion.

Second, burn his sh*t.

Third, get drunk with your MOH. Then surround yourself with positively while you find someone who deserves to have you in their life. Which is not your current FH.

So sorry for you, I've never been in this situation but I could never trust my fh again. Going on craigslist is disgusting, like he doesn't care who it is. Thats dangerous behavior. Do yourself a favor and leave now.

How did you find any of this out? Did he disclose the information to you himself or did you find out another way? If he came clean himself and he feels sorry, you might be able to salvage the relationship if you think it's worthwhile, but I would at the very least postpone the wedding. If you had to find out from someone other than him, I don't see the situation getting better.

Nope. No way.

NO!! GOODBYE