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K
Savvy October 2022

Fiancé toxic family

Kristian, on August 30, 2022 at 11:23 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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Just wanted to say how much I really wanted to be close with my future in laws but unfortunately it won’t be that case. From the start of planning to the end they’ve continued to complain about not choosing a summer wedding over a fall because his nephews have class in the fall and his sister has work. In the end the three of them decided not to attend the wedding. Now they’re expecting him to pay for their hotel and plane ticket to make it to our wedding… I never expected them to contribute to any part of the wedding but how could they even ask something like that. It’s not like they can’t afford it. I’m just over it and I want nothing to do with his family moving forward. He just obeys so they can get off his case

9 Comments

Latest activity by Kristian, on September 1, 2022 at 9:03 AM
  • K
    Savvy October 2022
    Kristian ·
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    Pay for his parents plane ticket and hotel *
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Ok so, your Fiancé needs to deal with his family, with both of you presenting a united front. It's troublesome that he just "obeys". Unless you deal with that right now, it's not going to get better for the two of you once you're married. He needs to figure out how to say no to his family and mean it, otherwise you're going to constantly be in the middle.

    You're not obligated to buy plane tickets for people, though. It's not appropriate of them to even ask.

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  • Rabreena
    Expert October 2021
    Rabreena ·
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    I agree 100% with pp Jacks!

    If he just obeys to whatever they day in order to hush them up so he won't have to hear it, then you and him are and will have major problems moving forward. You or your FH are not obligated to buy their tickets and hotel by any means, and should not pay for it. Unless some sort of agreement was made that they would take care of something for you if you paid for this, is the only way I could find it acceptable. Your FH needs to learn how to step up and get a grasp on telling them "NO".

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  • K
    Savvy October 2022
    Kristian ·
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    I’ll start building boundaries moving forward. He already sent them money and I can’t do anything about that now. I’m just glad they live across the states from us and hardly communicate with us. It’s just when they do, they want something from my fiancé and he gives in. My fiancé speaks up on other matters but when it comes to money, he will give an absurd amount to hush his family.
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  • K
    Savvy October 2022
    Kristian ·
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    There has been no agreement to anything. Part of me hopes that his family would contribute to some part of this wedding then I would let go of the fact that they had the audacity to even ask to pay for their travels.
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  • Rabreena
    Expert October 2021
    Rabreena ·
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    I can make sense as to how that would help you feel better about it all, but sadly it truly wouldn't because it sounds as though they could also be the type of people that would constantly bring it up and hold it over you. They are very much in the wrong for asking you both to pay for their travels, as it is outright rude and inconsiderate of them.

    Although I do believe you and your FH need to sit down and discuss your uncomfortability about the fact of how he will just do whatever to hush up his family. That's not okay, as he needs to fully comprehend that it is not longer just him anymore and must consider you and your feelings as well before taking any action to hush up his family.

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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    I agree with Rabreena and Jacks. What's done is done with what has already been paid for, but your fiancé needs to nip this behavior in the bud moving forward. Setting boundaries tends to come with some growing pains and takes some getting used to, but in the end it has to happen. The more he complies with their behavior, the more they'll do it, and it'll drive a wedge between the two of you. Wishing you all the best on this moving forward ❤

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Then they have no reason to change their behaviour.

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  • K
    Savvy October 2022
    Kristian ·
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    Now they’re saying that I’m expected to help out since we’ll be family soon. My fiancé said I don’t need to give them anything since I’m not obligated to and that he only gave them what he could. There’s no reasoning with these future in-laws. They stick to their word and holds a lot of things against my fiancé reasons why he moved in with me over a thousand miles away from them.
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