Fiancé vent

Ha! He sounds like my guy… he’s all about planning his bachelor party and our honeymoon and cake tasting tho… the only time he pops his head up is to complain about how expensive stuff is. Yesterday he finally picked out a color for groomsmen suits (small victory) but otherwise he isn’t excited by the details and says: whatever you want babe - it’s your day. Famous last words until he sees what I picked without him! Hahaha maybe people have better strategies but I try to limit decision discussions to once a week. I use my wedding planner and gfs to do the agonizing about what colored goblets or flowers etc then just talk w him about the finalized options … we are marrying them so we should know what they absolutely hate by now, right? My guy has started sending me sweet wedding videos from Facebook tho so maybe he will get more excited by the wedding. Just know you aren’t alone and hopefully people on here can offer advice! Good luck to you!

I think him being uninterested is like most guys to be honest. My fiance only wants the wedding because I want the wedding, otherwise we would have gone to the court house and got married. He and his family are all about saving every penny. I have done probably 90% of all the work. I get being upset but trust me it's just a guy thing.

It’s definitely a guy thing, my fiancé only cares about us getting married (doesn’t matter how we get there just wants to get married), having our best friends from out of state there and the food and drinks. It was super nice going to the food tasting with him to pick our menu. Otherwise everything has been up to me, but he’s also in the middle of school to be a physicians assistant so he’s very busy.

Have you expressed your feelings to him? He might give more effort if you let him know how you feel. I had to tell my fiance that I was overwhelmed with certain things and he started doing more. He even started doing tasks on his own, without me looking over his shoulder and telling him what to do! Let him know how you're feeling and start letting him take lead on certain decisions. Good luck!

My fiance tells me the same thing, he cares about the wedding and getting married but not the details. He told me the things he'll add the most input for are : cake tasting, suits for the guys and the honeymoon. Maybe ask him if there are any fun details he wants like tshirts for the guys under their suits or cake flavors, or signature cocktails.

That's what we are here for, someone else who cares about weddings, because most guys don't! My fiance has zero opinion of anything, he just says to do it how I want it. He stresses over the money but he always does lol. I agree with PP, ask him about small multiple choice items so its not so overwhelming for him, i.e. would you prefer white or chocolate cake? (or whatever your jam is).

I disagree that this is "just a guy thing" that you should just have to accept or do gymnastics to work around. It sounds like he isn't being honest with what he really wants or being realistic about how marriage works. You two need to both put in the effort to communicate and reach a compromise that makes you both happy. I hope you can get there!

I know everyone else is saying it's a guy thing, but your fiancé specifically told you he doesn't want a wedding. This isn't just a typical "guys don't care to plan," this man is participating in a wedding for you. That doesn't mean he doesn't have to help, you can still try and see if he'll be willing to take over or help with a few things. Your feelings are valid in being bummed that he's not more interested, and I hope you guys are able to find a middle ground, but keep in mind that he's already told you how he feels about weddings.

My fh isn’t really doing any planning (because LOVE doing it) but I let him know that I need him to be interested when I bring it up, because it’s important to me I know he is 100000% wanting to get married. (Which is my anxiety showing.)
I also had some pretty emotional responses to the money aspect so we hashed out the budget and I have free reign to distribute it as I see fit. Maybe you two coming up with a number will reduce the reactions to individual prices?

H had the same kind of attitude toward some items. He said that the details didn't matter to him, because all he wanted was to marry me; however, I told him that I needed to have help and asked him what interested him most. He did most of the music, helped pick the food and alcohol, picked his and the guys' outfits, and helped pick the officiant, venue, invitations, and save the dates. I did the ladies' attire (and my own), the flowers, decor, and those types of smaller details. I basically chose our photographer (and then showed him her portfolio and he was like, yes I like her style).

I suggest you discuss with him just what he was expecting to spend on this day. I expect you'll discover that he thinks weddings are a LOT less expensive than they actually are, and so he saw that catering quote and freaked. Additionally, if having a wedding is important to you, then you need to talk to him about compromising - and helping.

He already made it clear he doesn't want or care about a wedding. You shouldn't really be surprised or hurt that he isn't interested in it.

At some point, you have to accept that he already made his feelings known, whether you like them or not.

You can insist that he should care or be interested, but you should consider that that isn't fair to someone who already said he didn't care about having a wedding. It isn't like he pretended to care and now shows no interest - he has been upfront with you from day 1 about his feelings. He also has already compromised to make you happy. What else are you wanting from him? Were you expecting him to suddenly be excited or interested or change his mind about it?

As far as money goes, have you set a budget that you both agreed on? If not, perhaps you should explain that you've already considered the monetary impact and this will not negatively affect any of your bills or necessities.

View Quoted Comment Yes I’ve told him and he noticed how emotional I was . So he agreed to at least give input if I ask him . That’s a step

Your feelings are completely valid, and so are his. He was vocal about not wanting a wedding, and probably isn't excited. I get where both of you are coming from, and maybe just ask him things that are quick answers or opinions. At first my FH wasn't too interested, but then i would take him a long with me to look at venues, but made a day of it so it wasn't just me dragging him around to see venues. Now I show him ideas, or run things by him that can be quick answers, no super mulling about it involved, and it has made planning a lot more stress free for me!

I'm sorry that he has tooken some of the enjoy and excitement for you out of not wanting to do or want to know much details. I hope that it will get better and he sees how much it means to you and get involved. And enjoy the process because it will go quickly and be all over before you know it.
At first my fiance' was like that in the beginning because he's a little shy with a larger crowd. So it is scaled down to 65 or lower like maybe 50. But he knows how important it is to me so he is giving me what I want . But now he is a groomillza now lol . He's picking our first dance song he wants to be involved with the cake and food choices and he was involved with the picking of our invitations our cake topper and drinking glasses. So I know what you feel because he just wanted to go to the justice of the peace at city hall. But this both our first marriage amd I want us enjoy in this moment

I keep reading that it's a guy thing, but my FH is not like that... It may be because of the role reversal in our case, I wanted an elopement and he wanted a big party, so now that we're doing "his", he feels obliged to help with the planning. I agree about setting a fixed budget early, it removes a lot of stress and anxiety. Maybe have a talk with him about what would be important to him? His first answer will be that he doesn't care and that you should just choose, but keep digging, there's always something - music maybe? Entertainment? My FH has really taken to planning the sitting order lol, he's madly shuffling people around - but I did provide the "toys" first (postits with the names and a "table map"). Obviously he's not going to be interested in flowers or color palettes, even mine isn't, I just pre-select, show him two or three that I like and then I make him choose. This way he's involved, but not too much if it's something that he doesn't really care about (and honestly, even I don't really care that much about napkins). You wrote that he wants to get involved with the food, so just let him: set a date when you need the details, agree on a budget and let him do it. Don't ask, don't remind him, just let go and strike one thing off your mental to-do list. It may not be what you would have chosen, but so what?