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Just Said Yes April 2022

Fiancé wants me to change wedding date so he can go to his cousins graduation

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Julia, on May 25, 2021 at 1:54 PM

I can’t believe I’m writing this.

Background: fiancé and I got engaged Jan 9 of this year. From the start, I planned on having the wedding between May-August 2022 and had been very vocal about it with everyone we planned on inviting.
We officially decided on trying to secure a date in May ‘22 on May 8th of this year. We discussed the date with our parents, grandparents, and 20 person wedding party. Miraculously, everyone was available on May 7th 22. My grandparents are out of the country for all of June 2022 and my wedding party has commitments on a bunch of diff dates so I didn’t think it was possible. We signed our contract with the venue on May 16th.
Now over a week later, his sister (who I don’t get along with and have no relationship with) told him our wedding date was the same date as his cousins wedding. She is graduating from medical school. After panicking last night, I call this morning just to find out the university has no idea what day graduation will be on, but there is a chance it’ll be that Saturday.
My fiancé’s sister implied that if we don’t move it, other relatives won’t show up. Even though they could logistically go to the graduation ceremony and drive straight to our venue and still make it on time. Apparently that’s less reasonable than me changing my entire date.
Besides the venue, I have 2 DJs booked (long story), photographer, and videographer all booked. I also know for a fact that my venue doesn’t have anything available in May. June is basically out bc of my grandparents. April is rainy and tornado season and really not an ideal month for outdoor ceremonies where I live, and having an outdoor wedding was only 1 of 2 things I really cared about having for my wedding day.
Am I in the wrong to be entirely floored? The audacity. I just can’t believe it. If it was that important, why didn’t his cousin let us know her conflicts anywhere between Jan 9-May 16 BEFORE we signed contracts? Also, she’s not in the wedding party, so I already think it’s ridiculous to change the wedding date because of her. I understand why it sucks but I still don’t see why they can’t just drive back instead of causing me insane amounts of stress and making me spend at least 1-2 days moving my wedding day (IF, I can even move it. The contract states my deposit is non-refundable and non-transferable). I guess because more of them would have gone to the graduation if our wedding wasn’t the same day but they livestream the ceremony so I don’t see the big deal.

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26 Comments

Judith · on May 26, 2021 at 4:26 PM
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Just read you are changing. a lot depends on how many generations of family have earned college or grad school degrees, in terms of how widespread attendance at graduation is. Fewer generations, more widespread family party time.
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Savvy April 2021
Melody · on May 27, 2021 at 11:41 AM
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If it was that big of a deal, then they should’ve said something before! That’s not on you, that’s on them! I wish you the best of luck in finding the perfect solution!
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Judith · on May 29, 2021 at 11:43 AM
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Undergraduate, after the ceremony most split, and often large groups have a party another time, on the following day. But I have never been to a grad school / med school where there was not at very least a couple of hour family dinner to follow. And these are more family than friends. I cannot think of a time when having spent time getting to a graduation, been there 3 hours getting into theatre type seating, and having the graduation, and a half hour of pics, and 2-3 hours family dinner, that I would ever want to hop on over to a wedding after. As for choosing a date, the date for the graduation has been set for years, though a secretary may not know it for the following year. And hubby has maybe not realized it conflicted until someone told him, but clearly thinks the graduation date was set when she started 7-8 years ago, and he, the groom, sees it as a priority for him. Maybe only 2 -3 things in a year, no reason to book them the same day, when you have nearly a year. Have people forgotten, it is the groom who wants a changed date?
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Super July 2023
Eniale · on May 31, 2021 at 11:34 AM
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I live in the South, and went to a prestigious medical school.
I was given exactly four tickets to my MD graduation ceremony. My D.Eng. (doctor of engineering) gave me six. The only way to get more to either was to ask around to see if anyone else had extra tickets you could buy off of them.
So I don't know how much stock I'd put in "Southerners consider doctoral graduations more important than weddings." I've never seen any graduation ceremony down here where you could invite dozens of people, especially not higher education, which was usually held in a smaller indoor venue with a capacity limit.
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Judith · on May 31, 2021 at 2:41 PM
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The fact that the groom wants the change is of no importance to you?
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Just Said Yes April 2022
Julia · on January 17, 2022 at 1:57 PM
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Really late to this but it was definitely important. I was honestly just overwhelmed in the moment and scared that I wouldn’t be able to get the deposit back. I was also a bit upset since we asked everyone in the family, including all the extended family, if that date worked for them and everyone said yes. I feel like that would have been the time to mention it. But I was not the person to directly ask, so it’s completely possible that the cousin was never asked personally and her family didn’t think about it. All worked out though and I moved the date up! I am honestly happy to be getting married earlier than intended
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