Fiancé wants to delay the wedding but i don’t want to

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's definitely tough, especially so close to your date. I do think that your best option right now is to honor your fiancé's wishes and cancel your current plans. If you're still under the impression that this could cause you to do the same things he is concerned about, then his concerns are valid.

You mention that the two of you are in counseling, but are you in counseling yourself with a separate therapist? Just because you guys can work on your issues doesn't mean that your own problems have been solved. Both of you deserve to have a marriage where you feel safe and supported by each other and right now it seems he believes you're not there yet. It is completely valid that he doesn't know if he wants to make a long-term commitment to someone who threatens to leave any time an argument starts.

If he's willing to keep working towards it and that's what you want then keep working. If you're not in individual therapy then I would look into that and start ASAP. You can acknowledge that you're causing these red flags, which is a good first step. However, just being able to say that you do those things doesn't mean that they're excusable. If your fiancé feels as though those are worrisome and you want to be with him, then you have to work on those things... and you can't be upset with him for speaking up.

I wish you luck and hope you both are able to make things work.

I used to yell to gain control during our arguments. I'd win every argument which was good for feeling in control, but we were miserable. It took a lot of work to program that out but we are at a point now where if I even begin to raise my voice I notice and will stop to apologize. We also communicate so much better than we ever used to. (Not trying to make this about me so I hope it doesn't come off that way, more just trying to say I understand and I've been there.)

It is possible, and I definitely believe you guys can get there as well.

This is such a bummer and I understand where your sadness comes from - this is devastating to hear your fiance wanting to cancel/post-pone. But - it's a good sign that he is still willing to work things out with you. Like previous post said, beginning a marriage with a good foundation is extremely important. Best of luck between you two and I hope everything works out in the end!

Sounds like your fiance is doing the responsible thing and delaying your marriage until you two are at the point where your relationship is healthier than it is now. The situation you describe is definitely one full of red flags. You threatening to leave the relationship to gain control during an argument is abusive and hurtful.

From the level of trauma you describe, I would recommend therapy/counseling for you and only you, in addition to what you are doing as a couple. Until you work through the demons of your past and find productive coping mechanisms you are going to struggle to be a supportive partner to anyone, and it will likely impact all of your relationships going forward.

I am sorry that this is coming up now, so close to the wedding, but better now than not at all. I would delay the wedding and continue to work on yourself and your relationship.