Fiancé will have no family in wedding abroad, am i unreasonable?

Yes, you’re being unreasonable. Just because you would travel to another country with young children or at his parents age, doesn’t mean they have to. They’re attending a wedding for you. While I understand your choice to have two weddings, that doesn’t automatically mean everyone will attend two weddings. I travel with my daughter a lot and have since she was young, but I wouldn’t travel that far with her until she was much older (she’s 8 now).

I personally would love to go to a Hindu wedding! They are amazing! Between the color and the traditions! If they don’t want to attend, that’s on them. I personally wouldn’t want anyone attending my wedding that doesn’t want to be there. You’re not wrong for feeling upset by it but everyone has their own reasons of why they can’t travel and go to a second wedding. I wouldn’t take it to heart too much, and just take it as they are missing out big-time!

I think it’s expected that you feel this way. Especially as the groom’s family in your wedding would not simply be guests but participants.
I imagine that it’s a disappointment akin to an American wedding and the bride’s father not wanting to travel so she has to adjust to someone else walking her down the aisle. If she had her hopes on that, she’d be very sad!
I am not Indian, but I bet this is causing some ripples in your family as well since someone will need to be hired and that takes coordination, expense and is not the ideal, right?

I think you are being unreasonable. Yes your parents traveled with you, but first there wasn't a pandemic going on and second maybe you were an easy child. Not ever kid is easy to travel with. And not everyone feels comfortable right now traveling or has the money to travel. I think if they made remarks about your religion then yes you can be upset over those remarks. But wanting them to travel around the world for a wedding when there will be 2 weddings for one couple is unreasonable. I wouldn't do it for my family members or friends unless the one I had to travel for was the only wedding.

I get your feelings, but yeah you're being unreasonable. India is a long trip, and it seems like it would be their first trip. Traveling with kids to a foreign country versus a country where you know family are two completely different things. For his parents, it's expensive, unfamiliar, they won't know anyone. I get why they don't want to go. It would also be reasonable if his family from India didn't want to come to the US, which it seems like his extended family doesn't or can't.


Like you, I would fly to the ends of the earth to make family happy. I have driven 6 hours for a birthday party, for goodness sakes. But we can't expect that from others. Some people just don't extend themselves that far and that's their choice and we need to respect that. They have their own lives, finances, capacity for stress, health issues, etc.

View Quoted Comment Yes exactly! We are not just inviting them to stay (we have offered to pay full hotel accommodations for them) but his sister and his family are supposed to play a crucial role. It feels like they are disregarding it as not important. My family just doesn’t understand why they wouldn’t make an effort at least and I don’t know what to tell them.

View Quoted Comment We had family overseas that my mom took us to see once when we were pretty young (2 kids, 3 and 6, overnight flight). I unfortunately got flightsick. That was the last trip overseas until I was 15 haha. Can't blame parents for not wanting to get on an airbus with unpredictable kids

View Quoted Comment Yeah I totally understand, but his sister has toured Europe with her 5 month old while pregnant. She has traveled to Italy with both kids. She regularly visits Denmark and her kids are danish citizens, so I don’t think that’s the problem. I think that they just don’t think the Indian celebration is a big deal to miss because it’s Hindu and not legitimate in their eyes. Even if they were slightly apologetic then it would make sense, but they are acting like I’m the crazy one for expecting something acknowledging my religion.

View Quoted Comment You may just want to blame it on being American LOL I say that as an American! His family probably does not grasp how important their role is, and add to that what would prob be their longest plane ride and a visit to a country that will be very different from what they are used to, it’s pretty daunting. Or at least you can explain it to your family that way, maybe?
I have family that have not left their COUNTY and if not for youtube, would assume an Indian wedding was like a typical US wedding because, well, they have never left their county and just don’t get it.

View Quoted Comment Exactly, you never know how they will be

While I understand your feelings of disappointment, I do think your expectations are a bit unreasonable. Flying to India is incredibly expensive, and would require taking a considerable amount of time off work- things many people are unable to do. Then you add in aging parents and small children. And although your family is willing to travel under those conditions, it does not mean others will feel as comfortable doing so. And especially not during our current pandemic climate. There are a huge number of people here in the US that will not even fly within the states; let alone internationally. His family is being supportive of your union by attending your wedding in the US. I would just be grateful that you are able to have to two beautiful weddings, both of your religions and cultures will be properly celebrated, and both of your families will be able to attend at least one of the ceremonies.

View Quoted Comment Exactly! I remember seeing a study published a few years ago about this, where nearly 50% of Americans have never had a passport, and of those who have traveled outside of the United States, a majority of them had gone to Mexico or Canada. Americans, for whatever reason, are much less likely to participate in international travel. I think a lot of it is that Americans are spoiled and tend to think our country is the “best”, “safest”, etc. Many Americans tend to not like/be fearful of being pushed outside their comfort zone.

Yikes - I do NOT think you're being unreasonable for the following two reasons (all traveling, kids, pandemic, whatever aside)...

"They have made some remarks about getting married “with a turban” and how it’s not real." WHOA that's uncalled for and so deeply insulting!!! They are so in the wrong for that. I can only hope that your future spouse is much more open-minded and accepting than they seem to be.

"Even if they were slightly apologetic then it would make sense, but they are acting like I’m the crazy one for expecting something acknowledging my religion." They are gonna be your family soon - they should absolutely, at the LEAST, apologize for not being able to make it to the Indian portion of the union and maybe try to video in or something (or contribute in some way...the first thing that comes to mind is sending a special bottle of champagne or a special flower bouquet, but I don't know if those would fit in this scenario, so I'm just referencing them as examples of nice gestures).

My response is focusing less on the issues of who can/can't/will/won't travel with kids...and more on how your future in laws seem to approach this topic as a whole.

View Quoted Comment Yeah exactly!! I understand the issue of not traveling, kids, etc. But I don’t think using that as an excuse and dismissing my religion by acting like the Indian wedding is eccentric and unimportant is okay either.

View Quoted Comment I mean, the US is also a huge country with only two other countries bordering, which are the ones people visit. It's much cheaper for a German to travel around the EU and hit a bunch of countries than for an American to hop on a plane and go to Europe.

I agree with Ava "Exactly! I remember seeing a study published a few years ago about this, where nearly 50% of Americans have never had a passport, and of those who have traveled outside of the United States, a majority of them had gone to Mexico or Canada. Americans, for whatever reason, are much less likely to participate in international travel. I think a lot of it is that Americans are spoiled and tend to think our country is the “best”, “safest”, etc. Many Americans tend to not like/be fearful of being pushed outside their comfort zone."

I am an American, i do not have a passport, i do not get paid time off at work, if i take off work, bills don't get paid, so to have to pay for passport, plane ticket, gift, outfits, take off work, that's too much for a wedding.... I won't even go to weddings that are out of state/ let alone over 3 hrs away.

i would not say I am "spoiled" though.... i just don't make enough money to afford any of that, i live paycheck to paycheck.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I don’t think I properly explained the “spoiled” statement. I meant many Americans are “spoiled” in that as a people we tend to be better off than people from a lot of other places. Ie, earn higher wages, commonly receive higher education, have access to great medical treatments, live in nice clean homes, are fortunate enough to typically feel safe where we live, etc. Things we tend to take for granted. Americans as a whole also tend to be much more materialistic; basing success on the items we own, rather than the experiences we have. If we look at other countries, most of them live in smaller, more modest homes, with much fewer items. I think many Americans see those differences and view them as being in America is “superior” to being abroad, so why travel? Also, overall, other countries tend to be much more knowledgeable about foreign places than us Americans. People in other countries have knowledge of international current events, whereas most Americans can barely tell you what is going on in our own country, let alone another one. I think that lack of knowledge can instill fear of the unknown when it comes to travel; especially to somewhere that has a very different culture they are not familiar with. And that is probably why a lot of Americans, when they do travel internationally, tend to choose places that are most similar to America (Canada, certain places in Europe) and are frequently on TV shows, movies, social media etc. (which is, sadly, where a lot of Americans get all their education/news on foreign lands and cultures). So, in the end, I think Americans tend not to travel internationally because we are so spoiled in terms of our daily quality of life, we have a limited knowledge of other countries and cultures, and we tend to live beyond our means (spending money on materialistic things).

It could be helpful for your fiancé to explain the importance of the groom’s family in a Hindu wedding and to explain their presence their would mean a lot to you and forging a relationship with your new in-laws. Even if only his parents attended could be very meaningful.

So I had an experience very similar to this. My husband is Catholic and I am Sikh. While we didn't have a second wedding in India, we did have two weddings for the respective faiths. His family is from Boise, are staunch conservatives, and have really never travelled outside of the Pacific Northwest. In fact, I don't think his father even has a passport. For perspective, my FIL's idea of a "wild evening" is going Taco Bell for dinner. His parents didn't originally want to come to the Sikh wedding because they thought it was too "weird". But my husband and I sat down with them and explained the significances of the various rituals. I also explained the importance of parents providing blessings during the ceremony. My FIL's response was "this is important to you and we want to welcome you to our family. We'll come." They came and sat through the wedding and were super engaged and upbeat about the whole thing. My husband and I were really impressed at their ability to process everything!

I would sit down and have a conversation with your in-laws. Explain the significance of the matter to them. If they're just ignorant as to the gravity of the wedding, they'll come around. It sounds like you've explored most options that will make their stay more comfortable in India. Explain that their son marrying you requires them to adopt some of your traditions as well. Passports, visas, etc. honestly don't take that much time and really aren't an inconvenience. If they continue to refuse, I'd explore the possibility of passive racism.

ALSO: Last I checked, India wasn't issuing tourist visas yet, so it might be worthwhile to look into that before anything else.