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Elizabeth

Fiancé’s big family long distance problems

Elizabeth, on March 27, 2021 at 12:21 AM

Posted in Family and Relationships 22

My fiancé has a HUGE extended family about 50 people only including parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. I have a very small extended family. Most of whom I’m not close with either. IF they came I’d have 17. I’ll probably have less. Maybe 10. He really wants his family to be at...
My fiancé has a HUGE extended family about 50 people only including parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.
I have a very small extended family. Most of whom I’m not close with either. IF they came I’d have 17. I’ll probably have less. Maybe 10.
He really wants his family to be at our wedding. Which I kind of don’t understand because my extended family has always been people I don’t really love being around. To add to the complications, we are a LDR couple. He’s from a small town and knows everyone and feels bad not inviting people. But I don’t want something that feels like his family reunion with a wedding also. Idk. My solution was a destination wedding, to make it more intimate and less people would show anyway. But then his grandparents won’t come (refuse to fly and won’t drive far either). And he REALLY wants them to be there. I’m thinking I should just let him have his way. He’s not trying to be selfish, I know. But I really want it to be special and beautiful and intimate. He wants me to have my dream wedding, but my dream wedding doesn’t involve extended relatives and people we’re inviting out of obligation because they invited us to their wedding. I don’t even have friends. If we have it where he lives, or even within a couple hours, we’ll likely have 100+ guests on his side and less than 25 for me. It feels awful. Advice appreciated!
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22 Comments

  • Melissa
    Dedicated September 2021
    Melissa ·
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    My first thing is your mentioned his grandparents won't come if it's a destination wedding. I picked a wedding venue close enough my grandfather could attend(he recently passed so it is no longer a factor.) Mind you, I am not having it in my hometown but about 3 hours away. That's something non negotiable for me, and not willing to bend on, so I'm with your FH.
    As for who has more on the guest list, if it were a competition but it's not, I would lose. My FH is one of 9, his dad is one of 5 and so on and so on (plus his mom and dad divorced and remarried and had kids so that adds to it)
    He's got 60+ people in his family alone. If I count my out of state family I have maybe 16 people. However, I only have 7 core family members and that includes my FH.Tldr; if its important to have his grandparents there, find a compromise, cut out the obligatory invites and it's okay if your side of the guest list is smaller. And ultimately if you can't find a middle ground equipment might need to be on the table.
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  • Haley
    Beginner April 2021
    Haley ·
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    Hey, girly I am in the same boat as you I have 15 people on my side and about 53 on his. The open setting might be a super good option even for the ceremony just set out even amounts on both sides or try too.

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