Fiancés family thinks we fight a lot?

My sister thinks we fight a lot, but we've gotten so much better in the past 3-4 years compared to our first 4 years of our relationship. I honestly think we don't fight very often anymore, but we do disagree on quite a few things. Nothing so crazy that we get bent out of shape though. Maybe they're perceiving something in the tone you guys use with each other? I know when I used to talk to my husband when we were dating, he was always like "why do you have so much attitude?" And I always had to explain that I wasn't mad or wasn't trying to come off as having attitude, I that's just how I speak when I get too into it.

We bicker all the time. Always have. She likes to embellish when telling stories and I try to let it go to a point .... then it becomes "that's not what happened." I'm all for telling a great story but borderline lying is where I stop.
We've been together for almost 13 years so everyone knows us and how we are together. We rarely have a real fight and are never mean to each other but always have acted like an old married couple.

No, haven’t experienced it bc I tend not not discuss things in front of his family.

This happens to me too! I've had his grandmom say "you guys fight way too much" when we were just in the middle of a discussion. We very rarely fight, we just tend to go back and forth when talking about something. Really bothers me that her and her husband percieve us as that kind of couple.

I think it all depends on how you both feel after a discussion. If neither of your feelings are hurt or exasperated it's not a fight. And it's not harmful to your relationship. I personally think it's good that your both passionate about discussing everything. I think it's a lot worse when you just go along with everything the other says and let it build up inside. The only thing that has me worried for you is that it's his family...do you think he might have said something to them and they are trying to make you notice not so subtly.

When I was dating an ex, my mom complained that we bickered all the time. At the time, I couldn't see it, but now looking back, I can. And I'm so glad to be marrying someone who I don't do that with. It was exhausting for me. But as pp said, it depends on how you both feel at the end. Are you frustrated or annoyed? If so, maybe you need to try to change your communication style. If at the end, you both feel that you were heard and the compromise is fair, I'd say don't worry about what his family says.

Why are they around when you are fighting & arguing? I don't think I've ever had a disagreement in public with my fiance, we discuss that kind of stuff in private.

I have to laugh at the "old married couple" comment. We are an old married couple but both our sons are on our case about how we are constantly contradicting or correcting each other and how we may criticize the other's thought processes.

I wish they'd just chalk it up to "old Married couple" and accept that it works for us for 47 years now.

When my fiance and I first moved in together, we would have normal conversations about everyday things. It could literally be like "why do you think the neighbor is weird" and his son told his dad once that I complain a lot. It definitely bothered me that that is how he saw me.

I have gotten that before from my aunt and it can me recounting a story and she will be like you guys are always fighting and I am like nothing in there was a fight? I was just retelling his weird man logic that I do not understand.

I think that some people just might now understand the dynamics of your relationship so to them it may seem odd, but that does not mean it is wrong.

We wait until we can be in private to discuss anything we might disagree on. If his parents/my parents ask something we haven't discussed and might "argue" bicker over we say, "oh we haven't discussed it yet but we'll let you know our decision" Like where to go on holidays etc.

Since they are the sweetest people they may think discussions are arguments. I would just laugh it off and say we aren't fighting silly

View Quoted Comment This was totally on point. It’s the same for my fiancé and I, when we’re discussing something sometimes to lighten the tone he’ll start giving me a hard time and then I get a little attitude and we end up laughing about it haha. I guess it’s jist weird when to them they see it as a fight or argument, but to us it’s simply just talking haha.

View Quoted Comment We Aren’t fighting or arguing, that’s the thing. We will simply be talking about something (for example, what type of couch we’d want for our apartment) and for some reason they perceive it as arguing haha. It’s not that often though, this has only happened twice or so, and mostly his siblings.

View Quoted Comment Haha he definitely isn’t subtly trying to tell me something, he’s very open and straight forward. But yes we try our best to compromise and 99% of the time we end up with a perfect in between for both of us.

View Quoted Comment Well it’s not always a disagreement, it’s usually a conversation that sounds something like “I think a grey couch would look best in the living room” “grey? Nah you’re smokin doobies or somethin, o think black would be better” to which I’d respond sarcastically “okay, so you want a man cave basically” lol. It’s never that serious, even though what we’re talking about is. As far as the privacy thing goes, we talk about extremely important things privately like finances. But a couch, that’s something I don’t care for anyone else around to hear. We go to his house a lot and it’s kinda small, and I don’t see a point in moving to another room and talking quietly so no one can hear, just seems silly.