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Just Said Yes September 2020

Fiancé’s Lack of Interest in Wedding

Jean, on November 3, 2019 at 12:55 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
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My fiancé and I are planning our September 2020 wedding. It will be small, maybe 20 or 30 people. My fiancé told me he wanted to have the wedding back in his home state. Only requirement on his end. He left it at that and I began seeking options out for our little wedding while he seemed rather uninterested. Fast forward to today and I find out that he hasn’t told his parents about the wedding date. I feel like he’s not as excited as me to tie the knot. It isn’t the first marriage for either of us. He had a little wedding with his and his ex’s families. I eloped in a courthouse with no one but my ex. My heart dropped when I asked if he’d asked his folks if the date worked for them and he said he had not asked. I told him I didn’t think he was ready, that we could wait another year. He initially said he wanted a long engagement. I wanted to get married quicker because I move for work next year and it made sense in my mind to get married before the move. Now he’s hurt that I want to wait and thinks I’m second guessing getting married all together. I’m not. I’m just really frustrated. And honestly, I’m jealous of the wedding he gave his ex. His entire family was there. He’s not even talking to his parents and sister and ours. If he didn’t intend for at least them to come, why have it in his home state?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Pirate & 60s Bride, on November 3, 2019 at 5:00 PM
  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    Does he have a reason for not letting his family know about the wedding date? Maybe he doesn’t want a big wedding this time around. Second weddings can sometimes be tricky, and it’s never, ever fair to compare your or his first wedding/marriage to this one. I suggest you talk to him again to figure out together what you guys would want to have as a wedding and what you can afford to do. Him not being super interested isn’t very unusual. Many guys don’t get too involved unless it specifically involves them, like with what they have to wear. But I would think he would care enough to mention the date to his family.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Jean ·
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    I feel horrible comparing my wedding to his old one. His old one would actually be bigger than the one we are planning... I don’t know why he isn’t more open with his family about things. He’s very close to them. We had a serious conversation with his parents to see if they would accept us getting married after he asked me that we do that. He wanted their blessing. We got it. I guess it just hurts my feelings that he’s so close to them and even wanted the wedding near all of them, but isn’t doing anything to ensure they attend. My parents have to buy tickets from Germany to attend. My sister and best friend have to travel to the opposite coast. We planned for a Labor Day weekend wedding (fiancé’s idea) and his parents and sister often make plans like trips and get togethers with their other instate relatives pretty far out. Money isn’t an issue. I really feel like it’s just lack of interest. And I did talk to him about it, that’s how we pushed the date back. He said he tries to be involved, but shrugs about telling his parents...

    Sorry for ranting. Smiley sad
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Do you think it might help sharing your feelings with him (about everything you shared here) and tell him you’d really like his help and input?

    My wedding was my 1st and hubby’s 2nd. Since he told me the wedding is the “bride’s day” plan whatever I wanted. I felt lonely and like he didn’t care about our wedding/marriage. After telling him that and asking for his ideas, we brainstormed theme and venue ideas over some wine. He got excited and then was a 50/50 partner!
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  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    Unfortunately that's a lot of men. I found out that my fiance never told his parents what our date was, never told them when we booked the venue or where it was even going to be. They didn't know a whole lot so I ended up having to update them. I don't think that it's because he doesn't care, men just aren't planners when it comes a wedding. Let it be a bachelor party, they're all over the planning but sometimes all we can do is just tell them what we're going to do and if they don't like it, they'll voice it.

    I would say definitely talk to him and maybe ask his advice or if he has any ideas for certain things no matter how little. That way he also won't feel bombarded or make it feel like it's demanding. I mostly do the planning and then tell my fiance what I did or I would say hey, this is what I was thinking for _______, what do you think? Or which of these things do you like better?

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  • J
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Jean ·
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    We spoke after I posted and he said the same thing about the wedding being the “bride’s day.” He softened up a bit when I told him I wanted to celebrate us, not me. Thanks for sharing how you relate.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Jean ·
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    Your comment makes me feel a thousand times better. Thank you!
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  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
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    No problem! May the rest of your planning be a little less stressful now.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Aw! Good for you for chatting with him. It’s true a lot of guys don’t care about decor details (invites, centerpieces), but if he can help with a few things that interest him (music/DJ, food/drinks), that’ll help both of you a lot.

    To come up with our theme, we talked about stuff we liked together. We love Disney so Pirates was so something we could both get on board with. We also enjoyed a lot of Italian/vintage stuff while dating... restaurants, mob movies, Vegas, Rat Pack and we were also into Mad Men. So a swanky 50’s/60’s theme made sense for our local reception.

    If you can even pull stuff he likes (colors of his favorite football team and maybe a football groom’s cake, have the wedding at the hotel/inn or town of your favorite date night or weekend, or a few decor elements from a book or movie he loves), that can be meaningful and fun.
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