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Just Said Yes June 2018

Fiance's parents not on the invitation - is this a huge problem?

Megan, on February 26, 2018 at 10:29 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7

My fiancé and I received our invitations and I wanted to ask about the wording. Our stationer recommended we stick with the traditional route of “Mr. and Mrs. request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter” So, we didn’t include my fiancé’s parents names (which my fiancé was completely okay with).

My sister did hers the exact same way so I didn’t think anything of it, but I recently read about an instance where a fiancé’s mom being upset she wasn’t on the invitation, so now I’m a bit worried about her reaction when she sees them.

Two things that are worth mentioning -

-My parents are paying for the entire wedding. I completely understand hosting isn’t solely about the money aspect, but in this respect, my fiance’s parents chose the assumed, traditional role of ‘brides parent’s pay for the wedding’. My main issue here is that while my parents never expected them to pay for any of it, I think it would be considerate for fiance’s parents to acknowledge it/thank them for it, which never happened.

-Another thing is that his parents have been divorced for years, and I’m almost 100% certain his mom would have wanted his step father on the invitation as well – which I feel would have just complicated things.

Am I thinking about this too much? If she gets upset, how do I navigate that conversation? Thank you!

7 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on February 26, 2018 at 12:29 PM
  • FutureMrsR
    VIP May 2018
    FutureMrsR ·
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    Firstly, I don't think your FH's parents need to thank your parents for paying for the wedding. YOU should thank your parents, but it was never anyone's responsibility but your own, and it certainly was never your FILs. Your parents aren't doing your FH's parents a favor -- they're doing YOU a favor. And I'm sure you've already thanked your parents and will continue to, but no, it's not inconsiderate for your FH's parents to not thank your parents.

    Secondly, I think a lot of people have been putting all parents names on the invitation, just to be courteous and honor them, but I doubt they will be offended that they aren't there. If they are, then you apologize, perhaps even say your mom/dad did the invites, since they're the ones paying. You can honor your FILs in the program, instead.

    That said, you are far from the first person to have had to make stepparents work on the invitation. It's not complicated, it's life. I'm not sure your FH's relationship with his parents, but my FH's stepdad is just as much a father to him as his real dad, and the same is true about his stepmom. His parents and their spouses are family -- not an added "complicated" inconvenience.

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  • Denise
    Expert June 2018
    Denise ·
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    I definitely don't see anything wrong with this. Your parents are paying for the entire wedding, therefore the invites fall under that as well. There is a possibility that FHs parents might be a bit upset, but I mean, if they aren't contributing anything then they really don't have a say... I would leave it as is.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2018
    Megan ·
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    @ FutureMrsR - Yikes. This is the last time I ask for advice from random people on the internet. Regarding acknowledging paying for the wedding - yes, they're doing it for my fiancé and I, I just think human decency would garner a thank you from them. If I had a son and his FW's family was paying, I'd reach out the second I heard they were willing to pay for the entire thing...Because I'm a decent human being and would never assume it's the brides family's sole responsibility.

    Regarding his step parents, I didn't want to be TMI, but it's complicated because my FH's father was recently widowed, so I wasn't sure how to navigate that. It has nothing to do with his stepfather not being family - I am closer to his stepfather and consider him family and even a friend. That's an awful assumption for you to make.

    Your response is super standoffish and you're relating my situation to your own which is clearly very, very different.

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  • FutureMrsR
    VIP May 2018
    FutureMrsR ·
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    I disagree; I don't think it was the bride or the groom's family's responsibility at all, either way. I don't think it's the parents' responsibility to pay for their kid's wedding, so by all means, your parents can pay, but I don't think that means your FH's parents should feel grateful. It's not their wedding.

    If you don't give all the information up front, people are going to make assumptions, but I still stand behind what I said. A lot of people deal with step parent problems; you aren't the only one. If you wanted them on the invite, you would have put them on the invite, "complicated" or not. Too late to change it now.

    And in response to: "you're relating my situation to your own which is clearly very, very different."

    ^That's what people do. Every time they speak. Not sure what you're getting at?

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  • FutureMrsR
    VIP May 2018
    FutureMrsR ·
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    I'm sorry your FH's stepmom recently passed, I truly cannot imagine the pain of that, but you solicited opinions solely about your invitations (leaving that part out) and I gave you mine. That's what this site is about.

    My suggestion, because you left them out of the invite and feel guilty about it, was to honor your FH's parents (step and all) in your program.

    I don't really understand why you're angry with me or feel I'm being rude, except that I don't agree that your FH's parents should be grateful to your parents. Not everyone is going to have the same opinions as you. That's life.

    Also, flagged. You can't tell me not to post.

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