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Champion July 2019

Fighting a lot

Veronica, on September 28, 2019 at 12:47 PM Posted in Married Life 0 13

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My husband and I have only been married for two months and I feel like all we have been doing since the wedding is fighting. He lost his job the day we came back from our honeymoon which was really stressful, but he has a new job and is making about $20,000 more at this new job. I thought it was just because he was upset about the job, but it has only gotten worse. I am upset because whenever he talks to me he has an attitude, but whenever he talks to his friends he's always happy and laughing. It is really difficult especially when the friend he talks to the most is his female friend. He knows I feel this way, but he denies it. My husband also wants to start trying for a baby right away so we were talking about when we have a baby. He wants to know the gender and I don't. He said before he would find out, but let it be a surprise for me. Suddenly last night, he told me that I have two options. 1. I can find out the gender, have a gender reveal party and a baby shower prior to the birth or 2. I can be surprised and have a shower after. Neither options I am okay with. We had talked about this prior to being married and I told him I want to be surprised and have a gender neutral shower. He was fine with it then so I thought, but he said he let me believe it because he didn't want to cause a fight so now I feel lied to. There is a chance that I might already be pregnant, but I need to retake the test because I think I took it too early.

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Desiree, on October 10, 2019 at 6:50 PM

Savvy October 2019
Lauren · on September 28, 2019 at 12:56 PM
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Uhhhh he can’t give you two options. If you tell the sonogram tech you don’t want to know the sex of the baby (its not gender its sex) then the tech won’t tell EITHER of you. He has balls.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 28, 2019 at 1:42 PM
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Yeah, that’s not how this works. He’s not the patient, you are. If you don’t want to know the gender, no one knows the gender. I would absolutely not bring a child into this marriage. It will only make things worse. I would begin using protection and look into counseling.
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VIP November 2019
Laura · on September 28, 2019 at 2:08 PM
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I second the counseling (and birth control of some kind). It sounds like he’s done a 180 since the wedding and you need to find out why and if he just never told you how he really feels until after the wedding.
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Savvy June 2020
Maude · on September 28, 2019 at 2:18 PM
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It seems that it’s always after the wedding that things come out. I can see how this would be so upsetting and overwhelming for you. Best advice is try to be respectful and loving to him, but remain firm in your boundaries and don’t just push aside how you feel. Your opinions, wants, needs, etc are also important. I don’t know your husband so I don’t know how he is personally, but my husband always responds best when I let him know I understand him and respect him first and then politely and lovingly explain to him why I feel the way I feel. And then we can usually meet in the middle. But I understand every man is not like my husband... best of luck! Praying for you! These things are never easy
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Expert October 2020
L. Thomson · on September 28, 2019 at 2:24 PM
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Agreed, counseling would be the way to go.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on September 28, 2019 at 4:29 PM
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This 100%! Sometimes it may seem better to push aside what you feel and your opinions but it isn't, you have to be able to talk about it but stay firm and reasonable.
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Super December 2021
Casey · on September 28, 2019 at 6:13 PM
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I third this. Use BC and get couples counseling. This is a tall glass of yikes hard lemonade..
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on September 28, 2019 at 6:15 PM
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I would do counseling and immediately use protection. You need to work this out pronto. Hopefully it’s not, but occasionally it seems one partner feels marriage is the security blanket to mistreat, disrespect or stop trying. The fact HE wants to control baby decisions is concerning.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on September 29, 2019 at 6:50 PM
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Honestly this discussion about the baby's gender isn't really that huge of a deal in my opinion. If you want it to be a surprise he should respect that. This isn't a do you or don't you want kids discussion, its should we find out now or in another 5 months.... he's making too big a deal out of it.

The friendliness to the female friend bothers me, you two really need to discuss that, and I agree with others that you should consider counseling.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on October 1, 2019 at 6:00 AM
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Sounds like you should've discussed the female friend prior to the wedding as I'm quiet sure this isn't new since its only been 2 months. As for the baby discussion you guys need to talk to someone if communication is lacking and or not nice between the two of you.
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Super April 2019
Future Mrs. Polar Bear · on October 2, 2019 at 4:46 PM
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Sounds like you both have a lot going on right now. You both need to sit down and have a real discussion, and maybe even some marriage counseling. The whole female friend thing, yea...I wouldn't have stood for that. Hey, it could be innocent, but then again you never know and as a feel you feel protective of your relationship and you have every right to be.
One question - how can he want to have a baby right now, if all your doing is fighting? That's not good for the pregnancy nor the baby after birth. Talk about ensuring you have baby blues afterwards..not cool. It sounds like he's already try to give you ultimatums, FUDGE that. Marriage is a two way street.
Communication is key in any marriage, especially in person communication. If he doesn't want to sit down and talk and only make demands and not actually listen to what your saying and only do things his way, then you really need to take a step back, WAY back, and check yourselves. What's really going on here? Is it you? Is it him? Is it both of you? Get to the bottom of it and work it out before considering having a baby.
Good luck.
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Super July 2020
Stephanie · on October 3, 2019 at 10:14 AM
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I suggest you both see a counselor to get through these issues. Also, the female friend needs to be put on pause for a wile until you are comfortable again.
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Super March 2020
Desiree · on October 10, 2019 at 6:50 PM
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This is kind of not great behavior. I don't quite want to say scary, but kind of scary for your marriage. I'll be the millionth person here to say try out some marriage counseling. It might just be a hiccup in the big picture, but it needs to get wrinkled out ASAP.
He can't give you options. You're the mother, you call the shots. Don't give into pressure. I would also recommend BC because this doesn't sound like a great time to bring a baby into the picture. I'm not sure what his rush is, but he's already disregarding your feelings day to day, so I don't think bringing hormonal/high stress feelings into the picture would help - He's not ready.
Just protect yourself first, my dear. WW and all of it's users are here for you.
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