Fighting About Budget

My FH had a small heart attack at first. We started at $10K too. Then we actually started planning and realized we needed to up it to get everything we both wanted. The only time he gets pissy is when I keep telling him I want a videographer. I'm pretty stubborn when I want something. Mind you I have no problem saving extra money from my paychecks for the videographer. But we're at the point in our lives where my money is his, his is mine, etc. So for him, it's still an issue.

Girl i would not dwell on this, men's brains work differently than ours specially when it comes to planning things such as a wedding, my fh can also be absent minded and forgets stuff--- plus they have zero clue about the cost of things... doesnt mean he doesnt care.

He phases out a lot, but doesn't get too fussy about anything! Sorry you have to go through all that

You said you hadn't talked in two weeks, why is that? Is he away for work or something? Sometimes the long distance thing can make people fussy over small stuff because of the lack of connection. Also, does he know how much the average wedding costs? 10 grand is more than reasonable.

FH knows I love a good sale and have earned the title coupon master! So when I presented our budget he agreed and continues to reassure me if any extra expenses come up we will figure it out together. I think this is unusual, but it worked out this way because I have ways been very careful about my spending...at any rate he had nooo idea what a wedding cost...his biggest surprise was the photographer quotes I brought home.

My FH thought $1,000 was too much. Men just don't get it

Haha you can tell him it's no myth...I'm living proof that people spend that much on a wedding (luckily we're getting a LOT of help from family). I think $10k is really reasonable. He probably doesn't understand why things should cost that much. People tend to be shocked mostly by the photography prices. The article below has a response to photography prices, you could probably extrapolate that to other costs too. Maybe you should try and present him the ways you're saving like "Hey so usually a cake would cost us $500 but it's included in our catering package, so we don't have to worry!"

http://petapixel.com/2012/01/26/why-wedding-photographers-prices-are-wack/

Lol guess he'd think my wedding's fake then, we originally set a $30,000 budget and we've already realized we're going to have to up it a smidge. I'd definitely chalk the fussiness up to being apart for so long. Long distance is really hard on any couple and throw in the financial stress of planning a wedding and that's bound to make it worse so I would try not to take it too too personally.

I can understand what you mean about him comparing budgets to your parents'. My parents are helping out a lot, but they keep saying that when they got married, they paid $6 a person for a plated dinner and don't understand why we're paying $65. I appreciate their help, but it's frustrating that sometimes they just can't hear how much things are now, and that for our area, $65 a plate is normal! I can tell you, I thought the $30,000 had to be a myth too, but once you start planning, it all adds up. It'd be easy to spend that much!

I think you emailing him an itemized list is a great idea, and he'll come around

I agree, send him an itemized list! and send him onto these forums and show him the budgeting tool (which shows industry averages) so hopefully he'll understand.

Luckily, I don't have that problem. We originally had a budget of $10,000, but after I started planning I realized how unlikely that was going to be...so FH flat out said "well we'll just up it to $20,000, i'd rather have the wedding we want and have all our family and friends there than exclude people."

Now...we'll see if he changes his tune once the bills start rolling in...

I agree. Men's brains don't function the way ours do, especially over wedding stuff. My FH about had a cow when we started with a 20k budget. But as we worked together and continued to communicate, the budget soared to 30k, and he's totally cool with it. Obviously we'd both like it to be WAY lower, but it's once in a lifetime, so we're going for it.

In the beginning we had a big disagreement. We were juengaged on cloud nine about how great everything would be. But when started to nail down the budget he got upset (pretty much every cost after venue/ photographer / videigrapher, which he wants more than me) so cake, decore, flowers, planner or doc all too much for him. When I presented it to him in a hierarchy he understood & we haven't had problems. Pretty much we have venue/food/bar= reception the 1st then to afford then photographer then videographer & so on. That way we cant/wont go over budget bc its a trickle down effect. So once we get to the bottom all the stuff we really want wont suffer. For example flowers are on the bottom for us. If everything above is under bbudget we get roses, if its over baby's breath. He was more afraid of us going over. Im setting more of my pay to the side to cover small things I want but not in the budget. Like the custom hangers, gifts and the like.

Thanks ladies-it's nice to know I'm not only one who's SO doesn't seem to understand that weddings mean moolah, and lots of it!

Hopefully he reads the links I sent and realizes that I'm being pretty frugal for where we live (4500 for catering and venue? And its marrying couples byol? Literally the best deal I could find)

I was in the same boat as you for a short time. FW blanked out during beginning budget talks but slowly woke up as I told her prices I was finding. Now she's on board with the idea that it will cost more but she definitely has me go back to the drawing board if she thinks something can be found cheaper or for a discount.

All the time. We are also trying to save up to purchase a house next year, so he panics about money and not meeting our goals. I have sat down and did a budget. We have the money for the wedding set aside in the "wedding fund". Every time I buy something or tell him ideas or what I'm doing he goes off about the money. We're inviting 75 ppl and he argues we are adding ppl and the wedding is growing out of control. It hasn't changed in 6 months! I ordered the BM's dresses from Etsy and were made by someone in the Netherlands. He doesn't understand Etsy. He went ballistic! I KEEP ON TELLING him the dresses would have cost the same had they been bought here! The person just happened to make what I was looking for. It's driving me insane!! I keep telling him we are in our budget but that part never seems to sink in. He questions and panics about everything. I finally stopped discussing it with him.

It was like this at the beginning of our planning. We had a venue and they cancelled on us. So searching for a new venue, he had to get involved - and he quickly saw how things start to add up, and how expensive it gets.

My FH thought we could get away with a 10K budget, and so did I, but once we started to price things, we bumped it up to 12K. Realistically, we'll probably end up at about 13K because of little expenses adding up. But he gets it and we've only had to have a few "come to Jesus" talks...and honestly, it's him adding things on - most recently he decided that we do, in fact, need favors, and they shall be personalized pint glasses...there goes another $200. Which he says is "no big deal" - but all those $200 expenses add up really fast. /:

So many men are out of touch :p I tried to have a small wedding for under $4,000, I think we'll be lucky if we spent under $6,000. My parents are giving us $8,000, so any extra can go towards the honeymoon or a house downpayment. $10,000 is pretty reasonable, which is crazy when you think about what you can buy with $10,000. It adds up FAST.

FH was totally fine with our original budget of 15k, but it quickly almost doubled by now. So, whenever I bring it up he gets pissy, especially about the videographer (it has been a HUGE issue, but I finally won because lets face it I'm doing all the planning and budgeting! Lol). We are currently in a heated debated about our rentals. Our venue comes with the ugliest chairs, chair covers and linens and when we originally booked our venue and were walking around I told him we will be renting chairs and linens- he replied "sure babe, whatever you want". Now, that it is time to put the deposit down (it's a little higher because I got specialty linens for the cake table and sweetheart table, also some lounge furniture) he is giving me the whole speech about "aren't the chairs and linens at the venue just as functional as the ones you want to rent?" and I have nothing to argue because it's true! Well, he had said he'll put the deposit down originally, but that's not happening, so I'll be putting it down on Friday and then we'll just have to go from there in June (that's the month we will start paying things off so by August- latest early September all our vendors will be paid for). Geez, it's been a headache with the budget.. men really have selective hearing.

I honestly don't think men realize how much time and money really goes into planning a wedding. My FH has really let me do my thing but I am over budget and when we hit that 10k mark he had a mini panic attack, but did get over it. Yes it's a lot of money but it will all be worth it in the end.

Oh yes....and your budget fighting will come up more and more in your engagement. FH and I are STILL fighting, about a month out and with all vendors booked, its ridiculous.