Fils not supporting their son

Sorry OP. It is sad for your FH, but lucky for him to have found you and your family.


As you mentioned, he is an alcoholic and asocial. Unless he goes to rehab, there is nothing much can be done to make him think straight. Beside, asocial person can’t stand to be in a party 🤷🏻‍♀️
I have been into a wedding where the dad got drunk and embarrassed the family. Yikes. Not pretty. I wish he stayed home 😬

Well I am not trying to down play the situation and maybe COVID is true but honestly for this time I do not feel that is fair to assume. It could be that they do not want to go because of the unsociable aspect but I know weddings scare me right now. I am less than 30 days out and my aunt invited me to her friend's wedding because she does not want to go alone and honestly I am not sure I want to stay for the reception. It is not that I do not support this friend who was a good friend of my mom's but being around a bunch of strangers I do not know at this time does worry me. I know I am in a different situation than his parents but I feel they are at least coming to a ceremony. At a ceremony you can sit and keep your distance but the purpose of the reception is to socialize. I mean you have every right to feel how you feel I am just presenting a different perspective as I feel I am fully supportive of friends and family I love but for this time I still worry about catching it.

The fact that they are coming to the ceremony says they care about their son and support your marriage. Son, if he cares about his admittedly alcoholic father, should not push him to attend any party where alcohol is served, especially if he is not sociable and this puts stress on him. I would call this good judgement on his part, and celebrate with them in a small dinner type way another time. As for Covid, it is wise for anyone to avoid gatherings of people whose status they can not know. And an older alcoholic is a prime candidate for a very serious case of any respiratory disease. Maybe after the wedding you can take time to go to al Anon sessions for family of alcoholics. They can advise you pn living with an alcoholic. Him staying away from reception type parties and only appearing at the ceremony, as an example, would likely be their. Do not take it as a bad reflection on their feelings about you. He, and his wife, have to do what is wise for his condition.

View Quoted Comment There is zero alcohol being served at our reception. I didn’t want to pay for it to start with, plus I come from a very strong baptist background and we just don’t do this, and neither of us wanted his dad embarrassing us. The original plan was to have the wedding and reception both at a county park which does not allow alcohol on the premises which would’ve been our excuse if his dad asked why.
And COVID is certainly not really their reason because even today after dad said they wouldn’t come, he asked “well is there going to be alcohol at the reception”.
When his parents came down to see him, they were barely there for an hour before leaving. His mom wanted to get lunch together, but dad fussed and whines just wanting to go home where he could drink agaIn.

View Quoted Comment I think he really needs help. I would just excuse him due to his condition. Addiction is a very serious problem. He is willing to attend the ceremony and I think that’s already great. However, as his kid I would talk him into a rehab for his health sake. Good luck OP! Sending hugs and love ❤️

View Quoted Comment Alcoholics are tough. I am sorry.

Alcohol issues aside, unfortunately some people refuse to attend parties if they can't be the center of attention. Take his parents with the biggest grain of salt and embrace the fact that your new husband is gaining a supportive family. Just know that any drama is what his parents bring on themselves and is out of your hands.

View Quoted Comment That is a lot of his dad. His mom wants to be there and wants to see us more but she doesn’t drive further than just their little town and is this dependent on his father or brother (who lives next door) for a ride, but both of them are trapped in their own world.

Oh no that is very disappointing. Many ppl have been using COVID as an excuse.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, and I have a few of my friends who have said that they feel comfortable coming for the reception, but they’re not comfortable coming to the reception, one of them specifically said that had the reception been at the same location of the ceremony that they would’ve stayed for a while. And the thing is in their voices, I could tell they didn’t like this decision, but they were trying to do what’s best for them and their family. However, with his parents, we’d been wondering if his dad would even bother coming. Especially after the way he hemmed and hawed the one time he did come down about the drive and this and that.


I mean my FH really felt like telling his dad they didn’t even need to bother coming at all, that driving 3 hours round trip for a 30 minute ceremony was stupid. He didn’t say it, because he realized that was just reacting out of hurt.

I understand they would not want to go to reception during a pandemic. They are likely in the high risk age range and feel it would be reckless.


Also please don't attack the father's alcoholism, but treat it with empathy. It is truely a disease. Perhaps he feels like he would rather step out and is insecure that he may possibly do something embarrassing at the reception. People show love differently. My own father is an alcoholic. I let him know he was invited but that I would not be offended if he felt uncomfortable going. We never know what goes on behind people's closed doors with their mental health and struggles.
They want to be there for the marriage ceremony. It sounds like they have never been unkind towards you and they are a genuinely happy and supportive, in the end that's what matters.

View Quoted Comment Please note some alcoholics CANNOT function without alcohol. If at an event without it they begin to get shakes, anxiety and other withdrawal symptoms and have to resort to sneaking it in or out of their car, so just having a dry event doesn't resolve the issue of an alcoholic being functional in public.

I know it is extremely disappointing, but sometimes we just have to take what people give us. I'm sure they could be more supportive, but I think if your FH tells them not to come even to the ceremony, he will regret it.