Financial Stress

We’re in the same situation but flipped. I have a lot more money saved than my husband, because when he graduated he had student loans, and I didn’t. He paid off all his loans within the first year which was amazing, but left him with next to no savings. He’s accumulated some now but it’s nothing compared to mine. He says all the time he feels so guilty, but he really doesn’t need to. It’s a partnership.

As the person with more money in my relationship, I will tell you, I really don’t even think of it as “my money” and “his money” at this point... it’s all “our” money. He does more for me in other ways. You shouldn’t compare finances in a marriage just like you shouldnt compare other things like, who is there for who emotionally more? Who does more chores? Who cooks more? You can’t keep score like that, and usually it’s not easy to... it’s just easy to “keep score” with money because there’s an actual number on it. But that doesn’t mean you should. hink of it this way... if push comes to shove, theoretically if one of you needed financial help would the other one provide it? Of course you would. So by that logic, all of it really is both of yours.

I would look at it from earning potential. In my case my FH makes more than me but he has student loans and a higher car payment to pay every month so I technically save the most. If your FH makes more money and pays less bills per month then it makes sense that he has more saved. I would count your hair appointments and dress fittings into your overall savings because that is a wedding cost you paid for. If you have a savings goal and a plan to get there you shouldn't feel guilty.

We are flipped. I make a lot more than he does right now due to working two jobs and my VA money. He is upset that he can't help more and most of the wedding has fallen on my shoulders. But my thing about it is, that its our money. Yes, separate accounts and what not but we are a team.

Usually one partner does have a drastic financial difference than the other, as long as there's open conversation, that's fine. I definitely understand the guilt though... I felt horrible during planning since I couldn't start planning until after grad school so, despite making more, my flexibilty pailed in comparison to him.

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Wow, this helped so much. Thank you! It is nice to know it's kind of "our" wad of money, since we will be getting a joint bank account when we get married. So I guess in the end seeing it all mesh together will make me feel less guilty.

Thank you so much everyone! I feel a lot better about it now. Fingers crossed that I will reach my savings goal

I feel the same way. We were planning on both paying for the wedding. We would split everything down the middle...well I thought this was the plan. He told me how hes planning to pay the venue off soon. I told him I thought we were both paying for that. He told me he feels bad cause he knows I have way more expenses than he does. I swear all men have is tux, rings, and shoes lol. I still feel bad and will find ways to pay but since he makes way more than me, that alone is helping me a lot.

So, for the past two years, I was in the opposite situation. I had a ton saved, thankfully, because we ended up buying a house. But now, I can't save any at all because I dumped all my savings into the down payment, I'm paying for the wedding and the honeymoon myself, I hired a patent attorney for a new invention, etc. Pretty much necessities. FH makes me feel bad for not being able to save as much as I used to but I've pretty much had to pay $40,000 with all those extras this year, which is pretty insane. I want to buy duck boots, a backpack, and a new raincoat for my honeymoon in Ireland, but now I feel guilty and haven't bought them yet. I've always felt guilty for spending money on little extras like that. I have no idea why.

I think that's normal to feel like you want to contribute equally

I’m pretty much on the same boat. To say the least my FH is paying for our entire wedding...with my family contributing on little things. I am picking up more hours at work to earn more $ and pay for my veil, shoes, make up, hair etc all those little things that up quickly! I figured one less thing for him to worry about: )

I’m in a similar situation. I’m not broke & I make good money - we make the same hourly rate, but he gets overtime & I’m salary. Plus I had student loans & had a car payment (I paid it off earlier this year) he had neither. I was very concerned w/ the cost & how we were going to divide things up fairly & I brought it up to him & he said we are getting married what urs is mine & mine is yours that’s the way this go, it’s forever.

I think it's normal at first, a lot of people don't talk money and when they do it's often not in combined amounts so it probably does look funny after being separate. I'd say try to remind yourself it's both yours in the end and try not to worry.

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Yeah that's pretty much where I'm at! Just working extra hours to be able to get some wedding shoes and makeup

So my FH works a lot of overtime to afford our wedding but I have my share saved already or nearly there. I get paid way less but I just don't buy anything or go out much really for this whole year. I wouldn't worry so much. If it ends up that your FH has to pay a little more then so be it. My FH pays for majority of the mortgage because it's his house and he has bigger bills like for his truck. So it kind of evens out for us. I have been buying the decor but he'll buy the decor for the things he is going to build like the arch and other things. The rest we will really try to split.

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Well that was really sweet of him! That is sooo my FH. He will find any way he can to help me out and it's so sweet, and you're right they do have it easy in some ways lol. They don't usually need to pay for hair, makeup, accessories, etc lol. I'm glad you guys are finding a good balance!

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Yeah that's a good way to look at it for sure. Just last night my FH in the car was like "man, we should probably combine our bank accounts soon lol" Ummm chya!! Seems so much easier!

You definitely have to figure out the best financial strategy for the two of you, especially if you have a difference in income. Have you made an overall wedding budget? If you count what you have already spent on dress, hair, etc. towards that budget, you might find that even though you have less saved, you can come out pretty even at the end on how much you have each spent.

My fiance and I have lived together for 2 years and have pretty equal incomes. We've had a joint bank account since we've moved in together to pay for bills, groceries, dining/entertainment that we do together, etc. But we also kept separate checking accounts that we each use for personal purchases and buying each other gifts. To me, its a great way to handle money and we make sure we have all our "needs" covered in the joint account before we spend on "wants" on our own. Everyone has a different strategy but I think this works really well for us

We are flipped too and he felt really guilty because not only had I saved more but I also pay all the household bills while saving more. Our solution, we joined our bank accounts, I mean we were going to do it eventually, now it's impossible to tell which dollar came from which paycheck.