Fired as moh

That is a MAJOR major etiquette error. We get questions all the time about demoting wedding party members. The fact that someone who considered you their best friend is willing and able to spin on a dime and treat you that way says a lot about them, not you.

Personally, I wouldn't go. That would be a hell no for me.

I'm going to second Jacks and Michelle. Not only all of that but she did it after you already spent all the time and money on her bachelorette party. It sounds like you put in a lot of work and money and effort to making sure she had a great weekend without any input at all from the other members of the wedding party despite asking. Type As don't ask. They just take on the burden themselves and do it. You specifically asked and they were awful about it.

It's going to be up to you regarding if you still want to be friends with her and even go to her wedding, but to me that is such a jerk move from her. You deserve a lot better than the way she is treating you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. That's a really inappropriate and unkind thing of her to do (especially since a big part of the MOH role is planning that- now the new one just does nothing?). I think it's a two way street- do you still want to be friends with a person like this? Because doesn't sound like a friend you deserve (you deserve much better). You know her best though- if you still value your friendship and think there's something salvageable (and maybe this wedding planning has brought out her worst side and you know her to be better), I would personally try to discuss it with her expressing your feelings (just because she is the bride doesn't mean she gets to treat people like that- she still needs to respect her friends and the people that she loves). But I'm also a person who always confronts when there's an issue (I can't just pretend it's all good when it's not!). It's really up to you though and what you want to do personally. It sounds like she doesn't value people, especially those she loves, so in all honesty and as hard as this is, you might have to let the friendship go. You deserve to be treated so much better.

I am right there with you on this one!
Personally, the other bridesmaids sound cliquish and catty. If the bride thought someone was being too "Type A" she probably isn't planning the majority of her wedding...yet. The only thing I can say from a neutral standpoint is that I don't know how the initial messages or communications were between the other bridesmaids and the bride. If someone felt offended or taken aback, this would have been the time to speak up or extend an olive branch in terms of communication. It would have been one thing if the bride said, "Hey Karla, I've been meaning to speak with you about how things have been going between us/the other bridesmaids".

Either way, for the bridesmaids to stonewall you like that when you asked for suggestions is rude. Unless this was going to be a simple lunch/dinner meet and greet at a restaurant with no decorations and favors, plans can be changed within three weeks. It's not easy to change gears that quickly. For that matter, if asking for an attendance count is too stressful now , how do they think its going to be to get a final guest count for the wedding?

It is pretty obvious that in the weeks that followed, the bride was being persuaded by others. No one, and I mean NO ONE buys the whole, "I think you'd be your best self if you stepped down". This is an excuse given to kids. It also strikes me as gaslighting:

If you "accept" the other bridesmaids and the bride get to go on their merry way, not acknowledge your feelings or the wrong they did.

If you decline, they get to fall back on the excuse of, "Oh, I told her that she seemed stressed and she could step down and _____ could take the load off of her shoulders".

And I completely agree with the points:
-"I never accepted a demotion in a job, why should I accept one in my personal life?"
-Make them feel my absence.
Spot on.

You need better friends and support. I am so, so sorry they turned you out. I would not contact the bride unless she wanted to speak to you in person. And even then, it is up to you if you want to maintain the "friendship".

If this came up, I would just say, "I felt taken aback that after much planning and weeks had passed you would tell me that I would be my best self if I stepped down. I gave you my best efforts at all times which is what a MOH is supposed to do for her friend. I just wish you cared enough about my feelings to talk to be before things got this bad so we could have had a chance to smooth things over. Now I feel as if I am being cornered in a situation where I will be looked down on, disrespected and can't save face."

It's up to you to attend, but I personally would not. To me the friendship is gone.