First Holidays as Spouses

For thanksgiving this year we are going on our honeymoon. We aren't able to go after the wedding with FHs need job.

For Christmas this year we are spending it with my family. Got some bad news about my grandfather a few weeks ago that he has stage 4 lung cancer. He only has about 6-8 months left here with us. Going to try and make this Christmas the most memorable one yet.

We will keep the same schedule we've had since we started dating. We spend Thanksgiving at home because I normally have to work. We spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with my mom and sister in SC. We also usually stay home and party in CLT for New Year's Eve and drive to see my mom on New Year's day. Then we fly to NYC to spend a week with FHs family for Lunar New Year. Our families all really love the arrangement and we like that we still get some time during the holidays to spend with just each other.

We're crazy and go to two places each holiday to see both families

Blah we're trying to figure t out. We live in FL and his family is drivable (3-5 hrs) away. Mine is up North. We typically try to rotate, but his sister gets married after thanksgiving and his brother just had a baby that they want to travel up north with for xmas. Xmas is supposed to be down here this year. We booked flights to My family up north for both right now, but his moms upset and rightfully so. I also just lost both my dad's parents within 48 days (one expected one not expected) and I feel like mentally I need to be home with everyone since it'll be the first sets of holidays without them. So I'm not sure how it's playing out but currently we aren't rocking that boat.

ETA his mom's upset that his brother wants to go up north for the baby's first xmas even though its "her year". She doesn't know we have flights, that we will change if need be. She also said if we all aren't around for Christmas she doesn't want to celebrate or see us at New Years. So there's that.

@JustKidding I agree with you 100%. I want to start our own traditions and not just continue their own.

@Rica I'm not saying that I don't want to see family, not at all. I just want us to feel like we're our own family and not JUST a new branch of the existing. And I'm not saying do that for EVERY holiday, just the first one. I do see what everyone's saying, so I guess we'll just keep doing what we've already been doing.

Same thing we always do. Our family is local so we do one for breakfast and the other for dinner.

We do our own thing for Christmas Eve. IDK since my family is local I would be highly annoyed at the suggestion of not seeing them at all for Christmas. You can still get couple time it doesn't need to come at the expense of seeing family.

We will just stick to what we always do which is my family for Thanksgiving and his for Christmas because they celebrate his grandparents anniversary the day after. One year I couldn't make it home for Thanksgiving because of new job but when for Christmas.

Luckily, (or maybe not?) our families live within 5 minutes of each other, so we can always see them both on every holiday.

But I would really, really like to make at least one holiday "ours" as in we spend it together. We currently host Christmas Eve, which is great, but I'd like a more private holiday. Thinking it might be Easter.

Our first holiday married is going to be absolutely heartbreaking for my DH. Due to changes with the lovely US govt we had to cancel our trip back home because he cannot leave the country. This means he won't be able to see his family again until maybe June, if the paperwork is expedited. Otherwise we won't be able to see his family until December of 2018 :-(

We alternate Christmas Eve with one family then Christmas Day with the other. And since we live out of state were just having Thanksgiving together. But one thing we didn't think about when we started alternating is that our siblings do as well, and we have opposite times at my parent. so we're never spend going to spend Christmas with my nieces and nephews.

Until we have kids, our holidays will probably continue as they always have. And BOY are they busy.

Thanksgiving we go to his moms and have lunch with them since they serve Thanksgiving early. My mom always aims to have Thanksgiving around 3, but we never actually eat until 5 or 6 so we go there, eat, and have dessert.

Christmas Eve we go to his grandmothers, eat, and then I split and go spend time with my sisters family. (he's always welcome, but he has some social anxiety and doesn't like to be around big family crowds for long at a time). Christmas morning we spend alone together, I make breakfast, we open our gifts to each other, ect. Then we head to my moms, watch the parade, and have a cup of coffee. THEN we head to his moms, do the gift thing, and we mostly just hang for an hour or two. Then we usually go back to my moms house for dinner, and then he usually goes home while I hang out and have a few drinks with my mom and aunt and watch a movie. Then when I go home we stay up late watching a movie and cleaning the apartment..... I would not suggest doing holidays our way to anyone else. It's exhausting. But I LOVE every minute of it.

This was actually a question we were asked in our very first pre-marital counseling session. Apparently it's a real kicker of an issue.

For us, it's easy (and also hard) because we both moved away from family so we're local to nobody. My family is in CA and his mom is in NE and dad is in AZ; we live in NY. We both gave up on Thanksgiving a long time ago and this year we'll be on our honeymoon anyway. For Christmas, he agrees that we'll likely spend most of them in CA since I have a bigger family with more kids that gives us both the "Christmas feeling" while his family is all grown and in different places. With that said, we will be spending this Christmas in Nebraska with his mom and half-sister. Next year will depend on any number of circumstances.

Christmas specifically is going to be difficult for us, because we've never gotten to spend Christmas together before (we usually celebrate it early or late). Although my family lives close by, his relatives live 5-6 hours away. He normally leaves with his family to go see them for a few days, give or take, and sees his relatives on Christmas Eve and Day. I also see my relatives Christmas Eve and Day (one side of the family on Eve, another side of the family on Day for both of us).

I'm sure we will compromise some how, but I have no idea how what we're going to do yet.

We're currently planning to do thanksgiving with his family and Christamas with mine, then switch next year. I hate doing both in one day becaus seven though our families are only a couple hours apart, it feel like we just spend our day traveling.

Over the past years depending on if my mom is in town or not is how we have done it.

This year he and I will be coming home from our honeymoon on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. So we are staying home and either hosting my mom and brothers family or just staying home.

Christmas my mom will be with my brother in FL so we will be going to my MIL house with his family.

One of the best pieces of advice weve gotten was this: "Whatever you do the first year of yoyr marriage is what will be expected of you for the rest of time." We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas already so this year will be Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas day with mine. We're planning on spending Christmas morning at home.

His family always does their thing not on the actual holiday itself so we are doing it with both of our families.

We are hosting Thanksgiving for the first time this year - I'm super excited. His parents and brother, my dad and brother, and our grandmas are all coming. My mom is out of town this year. Christmas is so busy because we have my dad's family on Christmas Eve day, FFIL's side that night, then usually my mom's Christmas day for lunch then FMIL's side Christmas night for their fondue tradition. DH wants to go on vacation by ourselves one of these years over the Christmas holiday so we can get a relaxing break from the madness.

This isn't our first set of holidays together but usually he goes home to Kansas for Christmas then I meet him there a few days after Christmas. We spend thanksgiving with my family where we live in DC. This year we will do thanksgiving here and Christmas there. We will have my family Christmas a few days after the actual holiday

Can I say how jealous I am of everyone whose families live close by?