First look, without sneaking up on him

View Quoted Comment Yes girl! I was going to wait on my veil as well. And as far as everyone waiting for the grooms reaction... this is the part that he doesn’t like and I don’t blame him bc society has engrained this belief that the groom has to cry or make a scene when the bride walks down the aisle... and I want the reaction and moment to be real and genuine. Thanks for commenting!

View Quoted Comment Yes! I see so many things about my groom had better look like "fill in the blank" when I walk down the aisle and I dont like all that pressure! I also am very much a happy crier and I'm hoping that if I get my happy tears out during the first look I'll have a chance to fix make up amd then be a little more calm during the ceremony (who knows though!) Haha

You could always be positioned around a corner, tree, doorway, etc. And then put your hand near his to signal when you're ready for the first look. That's how I intend to do it, since the photos capture both the moment of anticipation and the payoff in a really sweet way

View Quoted Comment Exactly how I feel. I prioritized making our ceremony as perfect as it could be above all else (photos, time at cocktail hour, etc). Like to me I just see the ceremony as the entire point of the day and everything else is secondary? But I guess everyone has different priorities 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hello all!! Thank you for the help! I want to please remind everyone to be loving and encouraging and only comment to be supportive or helpful! If you’re on this thread, hopefully it’s to brain storm ideas and help out not to rant. Everyone is an individual with their own opinions on how it should be done and I recognize that and appreciate that!!


But if we could avoid comments about how some people don’t want a first look or how it’s not proper I would really appreciate it! That’s not what this thread was formed for and it can be a little hurtful. I mean that in no way to offend and I want to thank you for any help you are giving!!! I just want this to be light hearted and fun and to spread positivity thank you again!!!

Hi love, I totally understand! I had the same thoughts about the whole first look. We definitely wanted time for pictures too! We are not doing a first look, my fiancé will see me coming down the aisle! Very traditional, which is what we both wanted. Instead, we carved out time after the ceremony for just the two of us at the nearby park. We have about a two hour gap between end of ceremony and start of cocktail hour where we can sneak away to take pictures and still be present for cocktail hour. Just another idea!

View Quoted Comment That is a really beautiful idea! Are you doing and early ceremony to fit it all in? Ours is at 5 and the invitations just went out, I thought about that but was so nervous we wouldn’t have enough time.

View Quoted Comment We are having a 3pm church ceremony and mass, which will take about an hour. The reception is about 15 minutes away. We will have time to sneak away while the rest of the bridal party heads over to the venue. Talk to your photographer, they can probably help you come up with an idea! It might only take a short time to capture the shots you are looking for if the photographer is prepared ahead of time, etc.

We plan on doing a no-look-first-look to get some cute photos and give each other wedding presents. To save some time with pictures we want to take our respective family and wedding party pictures away from each other. Combo pictures and bride and groom pics after the ceremony during cocktail hour. 👍

We are doing bride coming down the staircase, groom at the bottom, no tap. Or potentially reversed (I have to figure out what has the best angles lol!). I think any kind of shot where you can approach from a distance and he just turns around could work.


I totally get where you’re coming from re the awkward tap though!

Honestly I wouldn’t try and “script it” too much! We kinda planned on having ours on the dock at our venue but our let photographer think of the shots she thought would work. The biggest moment wasn’t necessarily the “first look” but the extra time we got to spend together before the ceremony where we got to relax and really be ourselves. They turned out super romantic, not posed and I love them! For reference I was at the end of the dock turned around, my husband walked up to me and then I turned around.

I agree I don’t like the tappytap either lol so I don’t blame you. We aren’t doing a first look but I’m doing one witH my dad !

View Quoted Comment I love these !

I completely agree!


I understand wanting more photo time as that is one of my biggest priorities, however we're just going to try and make the most out of our time. We're going to do a bit longer cocktail hour so we can take pictures, and then sneak out during dinner/the reception for a bit as well.
He really doesn't want to do a first look because he's really emotional and wants the walking down the aisle to feel special. If you want that feeling; maybe just wait until you walk down the aisle, and find a few other times for photos by starting your ceremony a little earlier!

We are doing a first look i our venues second ceremony area he won’t be turned around and I will come around from the side of the building and walk up to him just like I would down the aisle. Our photographer came up with the idea and I wasn’t a fan on the shoulder tap either. Maybe something like that could work for you also!

We're not doing a first look. What we ARE doing is those bride OR groom shots before the ceremony. Bride AND groom shots for us will start when he and I meet at the alter.
I completely understand AND agree with wanting to get the most out of the photographer.
What helped us to decide if we actually want to do a first look or not was making a list of EVERY photo we want to make absolutely sure the photographer gets, making mental note of how emotional the two of us are likely to be at given points (before the ceremony vs cocktail hour vs reception) and how to we want the photos to feel. Once we figured that out, we knew when we wanted which pictures taken. No easy feat when we will have four kids, fourteen bridesmaids and groomsmen, four parents, twenty ushers, plus ourselves and the officiant in the pictures. Not to mention shots of the venue before the guests arrive. Point is, there are other photos that can be taken if you sincerely do NOT WANT a first look.

View Quoted Comment I actually don’t disagree completely. To me, whichever location you see each other for the first time is special (whether it’s walking down the aisle or one on one). Personally I don’t need a “wow” moment in front of others. I just want time for us to be together, hold hands and pray before the ceremony. So that can be with or without a photographer. Also, we don’t want to spend a whole lot of time on photos after the ceremony because we want to join our happy hour (and not miss anything we planned and paid for). So, knocking out pics before the ceremony is best for our timeline, especially since we don’t have a wedding party. We don’t want a bunch of posed pics from a list. Our photographer is there to capture the moments that WE create... and not what THEY want to create.

View Quoted Comment Hi! We feel this way too! Unfortunately the venue we booked won’t allow our puppy to participate due to her breed (property insurance won’t allow it) which made us both really bummed out. We wanted to take pics with her during cocktail hour and drop her back home since we literally live less than a mile from the venue. Now we’re kinda forced to do a first look so we can get pics with her nearby, then drop her back home before the ceremony. We both wanted the traditional walk down the aisle moment but we really want to get photos of our little fur baby in there too. We’re torn on how we want to do this. If anyone finds a way to do this without having to see each other prior to the ceremony, that would be amazing!

A couple of things I'd recommend instead of a 'tap on the shoulder first look':

1) Get ready together! SO Romantic, so much fun, plus you get to spend even more of your wedding day together.

2) Have the photogs put you two back to back and have you both turn around at the same time. It's a bit weird getting into position without seeing each other (I usually have folks close their eyes to help), but then you both get the turnaround moment.

3) Have the first look in an empty room. Have one of you in position there with the photogs/videographers ready and have the other just come on in.

4) Each of you close your eyes. Your 'best person' (i.e. one of your wedding party members) will guide each of you into the area where the first look is happening and place you in front of one another. They will step away and tell you to open your eyes.

It can often feel a little weird to set up a first look no matter what, but if you've got a great vendor team then they will stand back and just let you two take the time to just let the moment last as long as you need. Each couple is different. Let the photogs/videographers know that you will look to them and let them know when you are ready to move onto the next thing so they don't step in and start directing when you are still in it.

Hope this helps!

View Quoted Comment

Malorie: in your case, I'd just consider which is more important to you: having your pup who you love in the pics with you OR the moment at the aisle?? I'll say this: I have a ton of couples who thought they didn't want to see each other before the ceremony, but once we went over the options together (and I never push people one way or the other--I truly believe this should be up to you!) they went ahead with a first look for logistical reasons (my favorite reason for this is that y you actually get to spend even more of your wedding day together!!). And they have told me how grateful they were that they did it. They got to have a really special moment together alone and then actually got a lot of the nerves out of the way so could actually spend the walk up the aisle focusing on each other and the loved ones surrounding them. I didn't do a first look for my own wedding and it's definitely something I'd do differently if I had it to do over again (honestly I'd probably choose getting ready together myself). But no matter what you decide, it will be the right decision because it's what is important to you.