Flaky friend wants to un-rsvp kids at last minute

Did she give a reason? Didn’t previously have a sitter and now has one? Maybe she just needs a night off? Regardless, I think you should say “while I would love to have them there and think they’d have fun, I understand that you should do whatever is best for you and the children. I will have activities if you’re concerned about being bored. Please let me know what you decide so I may update seating arrangements!” This sounds friendly but also makes her aware of some of the work you’ll need or do.

I would say “I would love to have xxx and xxx there to share in our special day we have a xyz set up for their entertainment. We are fully prepared to keep them entertained while the adults are mingling and I’ve already incorporated them in my final count. If you must leave them behind I would be disappointed but I fully understand.

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I like this wording! It expresses that you've already paid the money for them to be included in the headcount, and have gone above and beyond to make sure they are entertained during the wedding.

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I also agree that this is great wording.

I'm not sure of what your friend's situation is with her kids, but maybe they had a family thing come up that the kids are wanted for, but your friend doesn't want to miss your wedding?

View Quoted Comment She is fully aware of all the stuff I have for the kids to do, I’ve talked with her previously about lots of wedding stuff so she’s aware. And no, I will NOT be updating any seating arrangements. The wedding is in 4 days and the seating chart and sign are already done. I have PLENTY to do without re-doing things that are already finished. I don’t have the time.

Honestly with the point you are at I would probably send what you wrote out lol but maybe take out the "but whatever". I just know hunting down RSVPs is a headache and it sucks you have to pay for them already, so I would definitely be salty, too.

At this point I would just say "We will miss them if they don't come, but whatever works for you guys! Can't wait to see you!" Like you said, you've already paid and made your charts and whatever, so there's nothing else you need to/can do at this point whether they come or not. Just let it go.

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I mean, your other option is to just say 'okay' and roll with it. What she does with her kids and her life is out of your control. It's unfortunate but at least she gave you a heads up.

View Quoted Comment That’s probably my best option. I’m normally not this irritable but our power went out since early this morning so I’m short on sleep, and then it went out again and took the WiFi with it while I was teleworking (hence why I have time to be on forums in the middle of the day) so it’s just one thing after another today. 😖

You're in the home stretch and it's stressful I know. Honestly, I'd reply with "thanks for letting me know, we'll miss them!" You don't even need to address the seating unless she brings it up - it will be obvious why there at two empty seats at the table.

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I second this. it's super rude to back out at the last minute unless it's an emergency. I'm still annoyed by the no-shows we had at our wedding.