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Beginner August 2019

fmil and Rehearsal Dinner

Kathleen, on July 5, 2019 at 12:05 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 13
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So my fiancé's mother is planning the rehearsal dinner for our wedding in August and I thought that everything was going well. She said a few months ago that she was going to have a nice/popular restaurant cater the dinner at the church and make a few desserts herself, which sounded great to me. The wedding is in my hometown, five hours away from my fiancé's hometown so his family has to travel for the wedding. But now, my FMIL informed me she wants to do a taco bar at the church and make ALL the food herself. She wants to premake it and bring all the meat in coolers (from five hours away) and then set it all up before/during the rehearsal. She even wanted two family members (who are groomsmen & will have lots of other things to do) help her set up for the dinner. I think this sounds really stressful and much harder than she thinks it will be. I also think it sounds iffy on the food safety end & that worries me a lot. My parents were surprised, especially because when my sister got married a few years ago, her in-laws paid for a sit down family style dinner at a restaurant so they’re comparing this to that and it doesn’t look good. Cost really isn’t an issue, my parents are paying for most of the wedding and my fiancé's parents are quite well-off. I really don’t understand why my FMIL would want to do all this work herself the day before the wedding and miss out on the activities (spa day/bridesmaids luncheon) the day before the wedding and most of the rehearsal. She keeps saying she’s done graduation parties before but this isn’t a graduation party... weddings are a lot more complicated. She also insisted we have a cocktail hour between the ceremony and the reception. When I said that was fine but they would have to pay for the appetizers, she wanted to make all of her own appetizers rather than paying the caterers to do them. This isn’t allowed by the venue so they’re going to have to buy them anyway but I can’t say the same for the rehearsal dinner. Anyone else have a FMIL who wanted to cook for the rehearsal dinner? What did you do? Or how did it turn out?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Kathleen, on July 9, 2019 at 6:38 PM
  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
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    It is the 5 hours that worries me. How big is rehearsal dinner? Can you order pizzas unfortunately you may end up paying.
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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    If the meat is in coolers packed in ice there is no reason to be concerned with food safety. I don't think it's smart to try to reheat and set everything up during the rehearsal. She's making it too complicated for herself. Maybe she doesn't know the area well enough to know what a good restaurant or caterer would be. I'd talk to FH and see if he can get her to change her mind about doing the food.
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  • K
    Beginner August 2019
    Kathleen ·
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    I think there will be at least 50 people at the rehearsal dinner, maybe more if my FMIL decides to invite out of town guests. I don’t think she would let us pay for it at this point, she is excited to plan it, she just doesn’t seem to understand that cooking all the food herself is not realistic.
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  • E
    Devoted July 2021
    Emily ·
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    Maybe just tell her you’d really like her involved in the spa day the day before so you don’t think there will be time to prep the food and you’d prefer a caterer. In the end however, if she’s paying it won’t really be up you unless you’re willing to take over the cost.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    "If the meat is in coolers packed in ice there is no reason to be concerned with food safety." That's not true. This is basically a recipe for food poisoning. The meat would need to be thoroughly cooked, rapidly cooled in shallow containers to 40 deg F or below within 2 hours (this stage is actually one of the most common causes of food borne illness), then kept at 40 or below for the entire transportation time - very difficult to monitor and difficult to do with coolers and ice. Once the temperature of the meat rises above 40 deg F and enters the danger zoneit needs to be used or thrown away within 4 hours (maximum). Assuming they managed to keep the meat under 40 deg the entire way, they would then have to reheat it evenly to at least 165 deg F.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    How many people will be at the RD? Cooking a meal for 30 and transporting it safely is relatively easy. Like doing a family holiday dinner or seasonal gathering of friends. The food would essentially be cooked ( or recooked) at the church. Provided she has done this before, and owns or intends to rent the transport containers. But if she does not do this sort of thing at home, regularly, as some of us do, or if she is thinking of inviting more than just wedding participants and B and G immediate family, like anyone traveling to the wedding, no. But you cannot quibble about how she will do the dinner. Only say that you have reconsidered and decided to take care if hosting this, as a catered meal, yourselves. Then do it.
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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    I say have your FH talk to her. Let him tell her how you are really bummed out that she wont be there for SPA day and the luncheon and had you known this was the route she was going to take you would have insisted on a caterer.

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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    Hundreds of thousands campers seem to be able to master this so....
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    Yeah but that’s for 2-5 people, not fifty. Big difference.
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  • Mary
    Devoted November 2019
    Mary ·
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    Our rehearsal dinner will be a potluck at the church so we are making all of our own food, just much less complicated lol
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Really? Hundreds of thousands of campers master this for 50 people? No.

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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    Wasn't wanting to this become a topic on food safety.
    I still contend she shouldn't do it. It is making it more complicated than need be. I hope FH and OP can find a good resolution.
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  • K
    Beginner August 2019
    Kathleen ·
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    Thanks for all the comments! My FH and I talked to his mom and we were able to sort it out. We just framed it as a time thing and I said I really wanted her at the spa day and the luncheon. I went over the schedule with her and I think she realized how little time she would have to cook... so she’s going to get the meal catered now. 😊
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