I need someone to encourage me to be the bigger person and invite my FMIl to my first dress fitting.
For background: FH and I have been together for just shy of 5 years and living together for nearly 3 of those. Before that it was long distance with him still living with his mom. FH is an only child, and his father passed about a year before we met, he and FMIL were married for almost 30 years and were high school sweethearts.
FMIL never really processed/dealt with her husbands passing and has relied on FH for a lot of her emotional needs, which he was relatively fine with until he moved in with me and he came to the understanding that the relationship he had with her wasn’t the healthiest. He still spoke with her daily and made a point to stay in contact, but with his work schedule and mine he wasn’t able to visit except maybe every few months.
A few months ago his mom came down for a visit, as the family was going to a concert (before things started shutting back down). She came down the day before and was supposed to leave the day following.
Without going into too much detail she started an argument about feeling unloved and unwelcome in our home and wanted to leave at 11p for a 2hr drive home after a long night of drinking instead of leaving the next morning.
I’m appalled at her behavior, and she said some things to my FH that he will not repeat to me. In the months since, FH has started speaking to her again but not nearly as frequently and they both skirts around the topic of that night.
I will not have her back in my house until she apologizes for the behavior, and FH is taking it a step further and doesn’t want her back until she’s sought counseling to help process her grief.
All that said, when we first got engaged she specifically asked if she could go wedding dress shopping with my family when I went and I had agreed. When I told her I had put a deposit down she was incredibly disappointed until I told her it was a custom piece and it hadn’t even been put together yet. This first fitting will be my first time seeing it all come together, and I’m to a point that I don’t want her and her negativity there. I just know it would go a long way to mending the bridge she keeps throwing fuel on.
I would cut the relationship if I could because it’s toxic and gross but FH doesn’t want to risk doing that to her because he’s pretty sure it would actually kill her.
TLDR; FMIL wants to see my dress, and I agreed but she picked a fight before it was put together. Do I still invite her to the fitting where I’ll see it put together for the first time, or pass?
