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FMIL Fears

Sarah, on July 15, 2021 at 9:02 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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So my FMIL is super nice but she is a little crazy / neurotic. Like OCD and controlling and insane about planning. I have a planner so everything should be good to go in the planning department but my fiance's cousins wife told me that she (FMIL) was freaking out at their wedding a few years and being super dramatic about things in the hours leading up to the wedding and it drove them insane and was hard to be around. Does anyone have any advice on how I can make sure she doesn't stress me out the day of? I don't want her to think she's in charge of anything as my planner and her team will be handling all logistics. I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way because I love her but she can be a little much at time and it's hard for me to handle lol.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on July 18, 2021 at 10:07 PM

Super October 2021
Lisa · on July 15, 2021 at 9:06 AM
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I think you need to be clear with her. She isn’t the planner and there isn’t anything she is in charge of but getting ready and showing up on time. Probably a conversation best suited for your future spouse to have with their mother. Or if that’s too harsh, maybe spin it and tell her you both want her to relax and enjoy the day and everything is handled.
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Super July 2020
Cool · on July 15, 2021 at 9:26 AM
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Unless you know she has clinical OCD, please refrain from self diagnosing her or using that condition loosely.

Tell her what time to arrive and give her a standard invitation. She does not need to know anything about logistics and vendors. Be clear that all she needs to do is show up.
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Super September 2022
Ashlee · on July 15, 2021 at 11:22 AM
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Be up front that you have a planner/DOC who will handle everything logistically for the wedding and that you want her to be able to relax and enjoy the day.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on July 15, 2021 at 11:59 AM
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Yes, this (especially that bit about not self diagnosing her). And also, make sure your future spouse is on board to manage/handle/redirect their own mom. That's definitely their job, not yours.
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on July 15, 2021 at 12:58 PM
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I agree with pp. You or FH can let her know that a professional planner will be in charge, so you and your families won’t need to worry about any logistics. I would also let the planner and possibly vendors know that she may try to step in the day of the wedding but to calmly redirect her and only follow directives of the bride, groom, or professionals. If possible, maybe even suggest she get her hair done or something the day of the wedding to help keep her occupied so she has less time to focus on wedding set up!
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Sarah · on July 15, 2021 at 1:02 PM
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I like the idea of having him have the conversation and to tell her her only job is to get ready and show up. I apologize for using the term OCD.
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VIP August 2020
· on July 18, 2021 at 10:20 AM
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That seems like a good plan. I would add that if you think it will stress you out to be around her all day, it's probably a good idea to remind her that she'll want to be around her son while he gets ready. So even if she has her hair and makeup done with you, she'll leave you for a while before the wedding starts.
People who have a tendency to be very controlling and want to plan everything aren't usually great at relaxing and staying out of the way.
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Judith · on July 18, 2021 at 10:07 PM
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Some people who really want to help, if they know how to entertain on a dinner party level, do best when asked to do an alternate self contained activity. For example, agree on who/ how many, and formal or informal, and let her have control of the rehearsal dinner. Whenever she asks about other things, you refer her to her activity. Suggest she might need help from you, and quickly she will grab hers and push you away. And who really cares about the details of RD, having done the wedding?
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