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Just Said Yes February 2022

fmil Upset she wasn’t invited to first bridal shower

Bpepe, on October 5, 2021 at 5:34 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 7
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My FMIL is upset when she found out I was traveling to my hometown in DE for my bridal shower and nobody invited her. She had always known I was having one there and I wanted a second one in Florida. She even offered to throw me one in Fl around the holidays because their family will all be in town and it will save out of town guests from having to fly in twice. I was under the assumption that this was the entire reason why we were having two separate showers because of location. My mother suggested this from the beginning and she was never even planning on, desired, or expected to be invited to the one in Florida. That is why she had a small one in De with of my few family members, my bridal party and a few friends (all who live in try-state area). In addition…my bridal party isn’t invited to Florida either. Where one lived determined which shower they would be invited to. Each mother has the opportunity to host one and she is upset she wasn’t invited because she wanted to go to both it seems like. Did I do something wrong? My fiancé agrees with me and we are so confused.

7 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on October 5, 2021 at 4:58 PM
  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    No, you were not in the wrong. This is pretty standard for people who have multiple wedding showers due to family/friends being in different states. It is a courtesy to your guests to not ask them to travel or to seem “gift grabby” by inviting guests to two separate gift-giving events. I would just explain to her your thinking, and apologize that she felt left out. Let her know that if you had known she had wanted to go to both, you would have absolutely invited her.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I agree with the previous poster- you’re not wrong. You & your fiancé need to have a conversation with her soon so this doesn’t escalate.
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  • S
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    No, you are not wrong. This arrangement is pretty standard for when the families are in 2 separate locations. Because of locations you were being considerate of her and your guests. I would just say to her "I'm so sorry if we hurt your feelings. I didn't want to burden you with all of the extra travel to a second shower." Something like that so she knows you were trying to consider her.

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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I agree with this!
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    Not in the wrong here.

    There are some circles where the FMIL isn't invited to the bridal shower at all. (I would absolutely never have wanted mine at my shower had I had one.)

    It is possible the arrangement wasn't made as clear for her, so as a previous poster mentioned, apologize that her feelings were hurt (this is important - you're not apologizing that you did this, just that her feelings were hurt, because again, you did nothing wrong!) but that the arrangement was done as such because of the locations of your hosts and guests.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I think this really depends on how people in your families/social circles handle this. I don’t think you were wrong, but in my social circle moms and bridal party are always invited to all showers. They don’t have to host/attend them all, but they’re always invited.
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  • Ashley
    Savvy November 2021
    Ashley ·
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    My FH and I live in Florida, all of our family are in Virginia. My friends here in FL threw me a bridal shower and I still invited out-of-state family/guests as a courtesy. I reached out to them separately and told them I did not expect them to make the trip down here just for a bridal shower, but that I still wanted them to feel included. A lot of feelings get hurt during weddings and celebrations so we felt it best to just go ahead and invite the out-of-state family guests, regardless if we thought they'd come or not.

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