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Beginner October 2020

Food

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Alli, on October 1, 2019 at 7:34 PM

Hello everyone! I’m getting married next October and I’m trying to do this as cheap as possible. We’re getting married on our farm and we’re doing all the decorating and flowers ourselves. Food is proving to be very very expensive. My fiancé comes from an enormous family and his mother is insisting we invite everyone and their brother. I personally do not want to spend all my honeymoon money on a meal for people we don’t really care about. Is it too terribly tacky if we only invite family and our closest friends to the ceremony and feed them then send out separate invites to everyone else and just have appetizers and drinks at the reception? I’m kinda past the point of fighting with his mom and at this point I don’t care about hurting feelings.

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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on October 2, 2019 at 2:34 PM
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Cool I just wanted to make sure I had it clear!
I would agree with some of the others on here that guests could find this rude. I would be a bit offended if I found out that I was only given appetizers, when a friend got a full dinner. I would do all or nothing. The pizza bar is a great idea, pizza can be dressed up! Even if everyone just got the apps.
But I will stand by what I said before, if FMIL isn't paying for the wedding, all she can do is give suggestions. She can't make you invite people you can't afford, and if she gets that upset, she can pay for the people she wants to invite! You need to make sure your future spouse is on the same page as you and is ready to calm FMIL down!
Good Luck!
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on October 2, 2019 at 2:34 PM
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Its a simple word..."no" is your mother in law paying? If not..then no. You and your fiance should be dictating the guest list. Keep prices low by now inviting everyone and their mother especially if they have no place in your life
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on October 2, 2019 at 2:37 PM
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Keep the wedding talk to a minimum with her! She isn't contributing financially so she only needs filled in on what she is directly involved with (her attire, times for rehearsal, etc.) If she tries to tell you what to do, say "thank you for your suggestions! FH and I will talk them over!" and then just don't, unless you like her ideas haha!
She can't make you do anything you don't want to! She sounds like a real peach haha
You are paying, so you get the final say! Don;t let anyone bully you into what they want, it is YOUR and FH's day, not Karen's!
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on October 2, 2019 at 6:10 PM
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Since this is the case, and her history, I would cut her out of the planning all together. Don't tell her anything (except "no" when she tries to hijack the guest list), and keep all the details just between you and FH. The two of you should sit down and decide who you actually want to invite to your wedding. Then you probably don't have to go with the two types of guests. You could have 150 present for all (ceremony & reception). But to save money, you could also do what PPs have suggested, a cake and punch type of reception during a non-meal time, and essentially doesn't include a meal. If you go from 2-5pm, for example, you could get away with a few appetizers, drinks and dessert. This can be a huge savings, as catering full meals gets really expensive.
btw, nobody can be "forced" into a sand ceremony. Sounds like Karen insisted, and neither the bride nor the groom had the stones to stand up to her and say, "this is our wedding, and we don't want that."
You have to be stronger than that, if you want your wedding to stay about you, and not Karen.
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