For those who want to keep their names, but are being pressured by their future spouses not to...

😂😂😂 Love that!
Nobody should feel pressured by their SO to change their name. It’s a personal choice that also requires only the woman to deal with ton of paperwork & to completely wipe out her identity (professional, personal, degrees, online presence/history, patents...). It’s also 2019, so enough with antiquated traditions.

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I really disagree that changing your last name to your husband's last name is "wiping out your identity", that seems pretty melodramatic to me. That being said, there is nothing wrong with couples that keep their own name, take the wife's last name, or hyphenate. Whatever makes the couple happiest, should be celebrated.

View Quoted Comment There is nothing wrong with either decision a person wants to make, but it should always be a personal choice & not because someone feels pressured, which is what OP was about.

For me changing my name would actually be equal to wiping my identity, as I have a very large professional history (including advanced degrees, patents, published papers etc.), and less important things like extensive online presence, photos, article mentions, etc. With a new name all that history, which is important for my professional credentials & my future, would be gone & difficult for people who don’t know me to track. So really nothing to do with melodrama 😂

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Right, I agree. It should be a choice made together that both parties are happy with. I'm a well known appraiser for rural property in my community, and changing my name hasn't affected any of that, nor my leadership at a local nonprofit. So having a professional history still doesn't always mean changing your last name is "wiping your identity". That's great that's how you feel, but that certainly isn't how it is for all working professionals.

On the other hand, many couples (or women, I guess) are choosing both...

"Socially" taking husbands last name (ex. being called The Smiths in social settings and for family purposes) but still professionally keeping their maiden name by just not switching. A friend of mine did this and is happy with her choice. She is called "Mrs. X" and by her maiden name depending on the setting.

Oh my gosh. Four days before the wedding and this hits home for me.. FH is too “embarrassed” that I’m not changing my name so we can’t be announced by anything other than our first names. He got a major side eye from me when he said that. 😒

View Quoted Comment Exactly! Women should feel completely free to make a choice that suits them & that they are comfortable with.
I’m happy you made a choice that works for you. You don’t need to defend it to me, I’m not the one calling your choices melodramatic 😉 My professional & personal situation is way more extensive & more involved than what you described in your case, so what I said stands for me. Live & let live!

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Oh, for heaven's sake! I wonder how he'd feel if you told him you were embarrassed that he isn't changing his name?

View Quoted Comment He would think I’m being silly.. which is how I feel about him. Fortunately for me, it’s my choice on what my name will be and he ultimately has no say. I have no problems being called Mrs. *his name* in social situations, but for work and legal things I will have my last name.

View Quoted Comment He is being silly with the whole embarrassed thing lol.
We will be announced as: and now please welcome the bride & the groom!
Anyway, good for you for making a decision that you feel comfortable with & sticking with it.
Have a great wedding day!

So good!!

I lost it the other day - I didn't mind changing my name, but we've now been married for over two years and I'm still coming across things that require bending over backwards to update my name! It's never-ending! I'm not entirely positive I would have changed my name if I had realized how much work it would be!

View Quoted Comment I’m thinking about going this route. I’ve been really getting cold feel about having a new name lately.

Well....my case is unique...
We have the same last name
We have no realitives in common.
We did our research before dating.

So since I love my middle name I'm going to continue to use it instead of my maiden name as my middle name.

We've had a few not so pleasant comments. But , its actually more common than you would think.

If we had different names...id take his....im old-school and traditional in that way.

I say to each their own

Hmmm it all goes back to that the mans name is what continues the family lineage. I asked my fiancé if he wanted to start a new name for our family since being linked to his family isn’t the best thing in the world but he said he’s proud to have the same name as the few good Browns in his family like his uncle. I would never want a different name from my husband because IMO when you become a unit you should share the same name as units do. I also wouldn’t want to have a different name from my kids because they certainly would take their father’s name. It would feel wrong if they didn’t. This is all my personal preference.

I am not and will not take my FH's name. He and I have already had this discussion and we are on the same page. Whether I take his name or not will not change anything in our marriage. It will still be legal (and if you're religious, it will be valid under His eye) and the world will go on. I will not be pressured by an outdated tradition meant to show ownership. It is not for me, but if you want to participate, go for it, it doesn't affect me one bit.

View Quoted Comment If I take my FH last name, I am wiping out my identity. It's not being dramatic, it's the truth. I am known professionally by my last name so I am keeping it. Not only that, I entered this relationship with the mutual understanding that I did not want my identity to be overshadowed by him. We are partners and have forged our own way to make our relationship work. I dealt with the repercussions of going through all the name change stuff before and had to claw my way through years of legal changes to get my name back, not doing it again. Ultimately, to each their own.

That is great! Thank you for sharing!!!

My FH actually wanted to take my last name! I told him no, I want to take his. We compromised and I won 😂

My fiancé is very traditional and would have liked me to take his last name. However, I have decided to hyphenate my last name. My last name is very uncommon (I don't think there is anyone with my name) and I have advanced degrees and publications with my name. I am also known in the field that I work in in this area and I don't want to risk people not being able to find me in the future. My fiancés last name is pretty common and we will eventually have children (they would have his last name). I want to have the same last name (well part of it) as my husband and children. At the wedding we have decided to be introduced with his last name.

I do get very nervous at the idea of changing my name and think it makes it seem like more of a chore thinking of all the work I will have to go through while my FH will have nothing to worry about. Personally, I wish I didn't have to change my name. My last name is better in general and his family is kind of... eh.

I do not think it's melodramatic to say you're wiping out your identity when you're changing your last name. I do however, think it's rude to say someone is being melodramatic about a name change as it's a very personal decision.

Personally, I will probably put this part off for a very long time - but that's just me

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Why do you say you "have to" change your name? There is no legal requirement that you do so. And unless you get the right to determine what someone else's last name will be, I don't see why they'd get the right to determine what yours will be.