Friend assuming she is a bridesmaid..

And might/probaly be asked to help pay for the bridal shower and bachorlette party? Is that rude? Oh she's also thinking that she needs to help me plan everything! and wants to know when I go dress shopping...etc..I really just want to keep as few people involved with everything as possible, for less stress..but really..I should come back to earth I guess, because this process will NOT be stress free!! My sister is already questioning who I'm inviting, how much I'm paying for a photographer..etc.. Her words were "My wedding didn't even cost that much!!'

Tough situation. I wouldn't use the money as a reason why you aren't asking her, because more likely than not she will assure you it isn't an issue. Then what do you say? I think the best thing to say (once you ask everyone you want to be in the wedding party) is you wanted to keep the wedding party small and it was a difficult choice but you look forward to her company as a guest. It's an awkward conversation, but no one should ever assume these things.

Yeah, she's kind of a drama queen...so I'm kind of nervous to talk to her about it..But I will stick to my guns...THanks!

I went through a similar situation with my friend. I had two really close friends, both to whom moved away from home. One lives in indiana and the other in northern texas and we are all from houston.the one that lives in indiana has visited home and stayed in touch more than the one that lives in north texas and she is the one that comes home more often. Its like she completely ignored the both of us. didn't answer our calls, messages and any attempts from either of us. Well My MOH is the one in Indiana and as soon as the other friend found out, she started getting back in touch and hinting at being a bridesmaid. I finally just had to tell her that my wedding party is already picked. Its something that is not pleasant to do, but its your wedding and you cant please everybody.

I had this same problem with one of my work friends she had the same exact reaction... I litteraly ignored her comments until she got the hint. It sounds kinda mean but if she is the way my friend is(sounds like it) that's the only way to do it cuz they don't get the hint.

I forgot to say... mine even offered to sing a duet to me with MY fiancee at MY wedding if I didn't have enought bridesmaid slots

Okay..previous post is scaring me! my friend (the one assuming is a bridesmaid) is a singer, but here's the catch, I'm not fond of her singing, at all...I guess when my FH picks his men, I'll let her know whats going on, and that her presence at the wedding is great, but she'll just be a guest... I think I got it played out like this:

"Me and Greg have came up with our wedding party, and we are trying to keep it small, as our budget is limited, I have chosen my sister, my best friend, and my cousin. I'm sorry that we couldn't include you, and picking the bridesmaid was hard. I want you to enjoy our wedding and just relax."

Would you be opposed to asking her to do a reading or being involved in some other way than a BM role?

This could just be me because I'm a blunt person, but I would just flat out tell her no. She asked, so she better be ready for the answer lol. But that is a very awkward position to put someone in. Yikes!

SHE made the social blunder. Not you. It's not her place to assume anything about your wedding... whether it's her role in it or not. Don't try to brush it off with money... because that sounds like a cop out and unless she's really thick... she'll see through it. It sounds like you can just leave it alone for now. BUT if it comes up again (like she asks what kind of dress she needs to get or when you're going to go and look at BM dresses) then I think you just need to be honest and direct... and tell her exactly who is in the wedding party.

I could FEEL the tension on the phone line with my SIL when I was telling my brother and her that we were engaged. I could feel her waiting for me to ask her to be a BM. And had she said something... I would have just told her... "I'm having R and C be my bridal party." Yeah... might have been awkward. Might have sucked (she is my SIL, afterall). But deceit is always worse. You don't owe her an explanation either.

I was going to ask a good friend of mine to be a bridesmaid, but then started to get a bad feeling about it and didn't. I'm so glad she's not!! I haven't been able to get her on the phone, she didn't RSVP until late, and now a week before she's not even coming! If she had been a bridesmaid there would have been no end of stress. DONT put he rin the party!

I would say you want your bridal party small due to budget restraints. If you haven't asked someone to greet guests at the door (not usher type) or pass out programs, you could do that too. I have a friend like that too and she is assuming she's a Bridesmaid in mine, but truth be told I want my mom standing next to me and keeping mine to 6 people besides 2 close friends, my 2 SIL's and my Sister. I told her I'll think of another important role to have her fill and she gladly accepted that instead. My FSIL told me she felt bad (also keeping her's to 3) I couldn't be a BM when my other SIL is and Hubby is the Best Man, because I have a kid and they weren't sure with an uncle being a GM, and the parents and Grandparents walking down the isle, the question arrose as to who would stay with my son? I completely understood, and offered to help her with any planning since she was planning a wedding while my BIL was in Iraq.

Also for my sister's Wedding, I didn't even assume anything except for when she told me she got engaged and 6 months later at her pre-college Graduation Dinner made mention to me that she was showing me what the Bridesmaid Dresses looked like (which she didn't). I didn't even think she wanted me in her Bridal Party. Only thing I asked her was if I could help plan her Bach party, and she told me to talk to her friend whom I didn't know was her MOH. Her now SIL who went dress shopping with her, and tried on a bunch of BM Dresses with her in TX, didn't even offer to help plan the Bach Party and her and her other then STBSIL's never even showed up to her Bach party when she wanted them there and held a grudge toward them at the Wedding. Seriously friends shouldn't assume anything nor should family when it comes to Bridal Parties. I haven't even asked my FSIL or BIL to be in our's yet as my hubby doesn't even know he wants his brother in it, and his brother assumes he's in our's.

Absolutely awkward. I would just use the "budget restraints" excuse. And tell her who you've already asked and that's it...no extra in the bridal party....

Maybe you can appease her by giving her duty...such as the guest book sign in table and gifts table, greeting guests, handing out programs, in charge of the dinner table ledger.

Two of my friends and one of my sisters asked about it for me too. I pretty much told them who would be in my party already.... but I did use the excuse to my friends of "Oh my mother wanted...so and so" and "well, I was so and so bridesmaid and I really thought I should ask her to be mine in return"...not quite the truth but it worked.

Bottomline, you want people who will support you and have always supported you throughout your good times and past bad times. You don't need to cave to people, who need attention. You just need to honor the people who have always been there for you and supportive, physically, spritually, emotionally, and verbally.

Ahh same thing happened to me! What is wrong with these people for them to just straight out ask us if they can be in the wedding?? Mine said "I'll be in your wedding if you want" as if I didn't have enough friends and she was doing me a favor. I just put it off every time she asked (which came up at least 4 times-one time she said she'd plan the wedding as long as I made her a bridesmaid!) hoping she'd take the hint which she finally did after I told her I already had more people than I originally wanted. Oh, she also thought she should be my maid of honor since she was apparently planning everything for me (which she's not..she looked at dresses with me once and I am afraid to bring anything up about the wedding now). Expect more and more awkward conversations until you finally just tell her no. If I were you I'd tell her 3 is your magic number and you already have the groomsmen picked out so you don't want to add anyone else. Really what else can you tell someone like that?

Just to keep y'all posted...she came home for a week or so and I plan on telling her before she finds out I picked other BM's and what not...Wish me luck..still not quite sure how to tell her...Me na dmy FH only want 3 people, which by the way he still hasn't asked anyone..And I decided to go with my BBFA of 16+ years my sister and cousin..So I figure I will tell her it was not easy to choose, but went with family and people I've known the longest and we wanted to keep it as small as possible...

Good luck and please let us know how it all works out.

Best wishes

I have a feeling this is going to be a big issue for her, she considers me her best friend, and I think she my not talk to me for a very very long time...

Good luck! that sounds like a good plan. you really don't owe her a long winded excuse/explanation. she's just going to have to accept that she's not always going to get her way or needs to learn to be in the background/assisting sometimes--it's a good lesson in friendship. if she won't talk to you, thank your lucky stars. do you really need negative energy surrounding you when you're already stressed and busy planning?

Wowjunkie, I'm with you...I had a friend ask me if she would be a bridesmaid, and I just said no, and it was fine. I know with some people you have to sugar coat things to protect their ego, but you really don't even owe her that. If she's a good friend she'll understand...if not, you'll be even happier you didn't ask her!