Friend flakes on bachelorette party

View Quoted Comment This. Exactly this. Also... it's expected to spend 1k as a bridesmaid??

I don’t think you’re a horrible person. It sucks that your friend who just got married was inconsiderate and didn’t think about your budget when planning her wedding and then to turn around and complain when it’s your turn?? To me that’s shitty. However it is asking a lot for a destination bachelorette party and it sucks when all the people you wish would be there can’t for whatever reason.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think it’s expected to spend $1k but what I was trying to convey is that when you say yes to standing up in a wedding you agree that you will have to spend money on things that you probably wouldn’t otherwise. I said yes to being in her wedding and I didn’t think I would have to spend so much on a bm dress but I already accepted and I felt it was my duty as her friend to let her have her day. Thinking she would do the same but I’m learning that life doesn’t work that way and I trying to deal with it.

View Quoted Comment Yes yes yes. Everyone else jumped and said I was a shitty person. I realize these things shouldn’t be tit for tat and that friends don’t behave like that. However I was really upset when I zipped my lips and spent a ton to stand up in her wedding and she doesn’t want to spend any for mine even though she’s only spending a third of what I spent on hers. Thank you for letting me vent. 🙏🏻

View Quoted Comment They’re booking airfare now, but they wouldn’t have have any of their spending money for 4 months. So they’re cancelling last minute I guess. Maybe I just explained it weird. 😕

View Quoted Comment Not sure if she’s buying a house, I said maybe. Regardless, I was just venting that I was upset that I spent a ton on her wedding and she’s not willing to spend a third of what I spent. Venting. Just venting. I posted a ton about how I’m venting and I realize weddings aren’t tit for tat and I’m trying to see if anyone went through something similar and how they handled it.

So when you dropped a grand for your friends wedding... You didn't think to tell her that was out of your budget?

You shouldn't be doing tit for tat. Yes you're being a lil selfish.

View Quoted Comment The only person I’m hanging out with for my party if my MOH because the others couldn’t do it. I’m not mad, pans change. The only thing they have to do is stand beside me and wear a dress. See if you can do something not as far away. Airfare is expensive regardless of where you go.

Also, agreeing to me in a wedding doesn’t mean agreeing to spending a ton of money. If you couldn’t afford so much in a bridesmaids dress, you should have talked to her about it, not just expect for her to shell out a ton of money for yours. My bridesmaids are married and a job. My MOH is in college, and when she talked to me about her dress being too expensive, we came up with another option.

I understand you're disappointed that they can't go to a destination bachelorette and you needed to vent. I would be disappointed too if everyone had said yes in the beginning and then changed their minds when it was time to finalize the plans. But life happens, people's circumstances change. And now that you've vented, you can move on and look into cheaper alternatives and still have a good time with your friends.

View Quoted Comment I think when asked what you wanted to do, it was ballsy to say you wanted a destination bachelorette. Personally, I think the person planning the party should be the one to let you know a destination bachelorette is an option. I don't think the bride should be the one putting a destination bachelorette on the table. I think it's entirely possible they heard your answer to your question and thought "the only thing she told us she's interested in is a destination bachelorette, soooo I guess we go along with that." I can absolutely see how a handful of BP members would say it's fine in the moment, but back out before having to make a financial commitment to the trip.

No, I don't think you get to be mad. No one is required to attend a bachelorette party. If BMs can't make it, that's okay. They only need to be at your wedding with their dress. It's also completely reasonable that everyone has different budgets for being in a wedding and that over time, finances change. If a wedding happens during a time when finances are tighter, a person might not be able to spend as much on a wedding as they did for another wedding.

“Am I being selfish?”
”Yes, that’s selfish and you shouldn’t have done that. Here’s why.”
”OMG no you’re all wrong!”

like a charm, every time. This is why I’ll never leave WW. I need something consistent in my life.

I think it's ok to be disappointed that friends back out on plans. I don't think mad would be the right feeling though- as destination bachs ARE expensive. My bach wasn't exactly destination- about two hours away from most (one of my BM flew in) for a house party for a weekend. It was chill. I did have one person who originally said she would make it but backed out a few weeks before due to scheduling issues, and another person who said she would make it then right before said she won't but then ended up coming anyways. The frustration there was everyone having to pay a little more to cover expenses that were meant to be split among more people. I understand that you're also frustrated because you spent a lot of money on a friend's wedding but you don't feel like the love (shown by investment of money) will be reciprocated. It's nice that you're picking a cheaper dress for your girls to wear too.

Also, I too have a friend who's always traveling but also seems to be constantly short of money. Part of her travel is funded by her work, some by her parents. When we travel together, it takes a while to get money back for stuff we payed for. Just because they travel frequently does not mean they actually have money so I wouldn't judge it by that. That being said, my friend would be absolutely miserable if she wasn't living her best life and traveling and I want her to be happy. Also, sometimes people prioritize their vacation time for dream vacations over a bach party and that's not bad either.

You planned your own bachelorette weekend and are mad that she can't afford to go, you are wrong. You should not be planning your weekend. Just because she flies for leisure doesn't mean she can afford to do the weekend. If she has her wedding/honeymoon coming up and is trying to buy a house she could very well not afford it. Honestly her financial situation is only her business.

As I learned today in one of my other posts...apparently it’s a “no-no” to plan your own bachelorette party.

I was in a wedding where the bride laid a destination Bach on the table after a day of BM dressing fittings. All of the BM looked around like 👀. That was never in our plans. Sooooo entitled! The bride and the MOH ran off to the destination and that was that. I know she was very upset, but it’s sad and unfortunate that she had this ridiculous expectation of vacation days and finances going towards this lavish party for her. All in I still spent roughly $1k without going on the Bach. Honestly it made me sour about standing up in a wedding ever again...