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Just Said Yes May 2018

Friend Owes Bridesmaid Money - Bachelorette

heather, on April 23, 2018 at 12:57 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 31

Hi Everyone,

My friends threw me a bachelorette party weekend and it was a bit of a destination trip for them. As a result, I had to pay a couple hundred dollars to stay in the hotel, and I bought everyone lunch on the last day to thank them.

One of my friends owes my bridesmaid money for buying herself drinks at a bar, and my bridesmaid has tried to reach out to her several times for the money, with no luck.

I've tried reaching out to her and she hasn't responded.

Now, my bridesmaid is asking me to pay the money that my friend owes. I thought it might come to this. I'm wondering if this is really my responsibility. What do you guys think?

31 Comments

Latest activity by Karma, on April 23, 2018 at 9:47 PM
  • K
    Dedicated July 2018
    Karen ·
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    Since the event was for you, I’d suck it up and pay it but let the friend know that she now owes you.
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  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·
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    I don't understand - Your friend bought her own drinks and now this BM wants her friend to pay her for them? That doesn't make an sense?

    At the end of the day this is an issue between the two of them. You are not required to pay the BM back for another persons spending. Your BM either has to swallow it and eat that money or she has to continue to try and get in touch with this girl to get paid back. You aren't responsible for another person.

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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    Not your problem. The BM that fronted the money should've known that this was a possibility. How much money are we talking?

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  • Heather
    VIP January 2019
    Heather ·
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    I guess I would have a few things I would want to consider first. 1, Did I ask for the destination? 2. Did I ask for the friend to be added? 3. Was I aware that this friend may try to do something that causes another person to pay? 4. Can this be resolved without me, or should I be the one resolving this?
    And then try and make a plan based on those answers. It seems odd that your friend ran up a tab at a destination place and then went MIA. It definitely doesn't bode well for the friendship. But I also wouldn't want my BM to take on an expense that I essentially created by asking for considerations for that other friend. Also, are we talking $50 or hundreds? At a certain point I would want receipts so legal action can be taken, but not if the sum isn't high enough to warrant that kind of effort. I hope it all gets resolved and with a minimum amount of stress for you. Also, I am sorry your friend has put you in this predicament.
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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    Legal action over some drinks at a bach party?????????????????????????????????????

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  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·
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    I highly doubt that the bar tab was high enough to warrant legal action. That's a lot of drinks to equal needing to cough up the dough for a lawyer to recoup that amount. Even if the BM paid for the girl to have ten drinks thats like 50-60$ Max. Your legal bill will be three times that or more.

    The BM needs to either suck it up and accept that sometimes when you front money people are crap and don't pay it back. It's on her to swallow the cost or continue to nag.

    Even if OP asked for this friend to be invited she did not ask the BM to front that money for a few drinks at the bar. This has nothing to do with her and she really should have been left out of it.

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  • DC Wife 10.27.18
    Master October 2018
    DC Wife 10.27.18 ·
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    I would say it is not your problem. They need to work it out between themselves. This is just silly and immature honestly. What kind of friends are these?

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  • Heather
    VIP January 2019
    Heather ·
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    Hence the whole is it $50 or hundreds line. I am not sure where the destination was, but i spent $200 one night at a vegas destination bachelorette party because drinks are expensive, and I was young enough to think drinking lots of drinks was the fun thing to do.
    Also, I am the type to feel responsible for things like this. So my considerations for whether or not to pay the bm may be different than others. If I were in this situation, I would be asking myself the questions above, which is the advice I gave.

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  • H
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    heather ·
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    That's what my mom said. $60

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  • H
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    heather ·
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    My mom said the same thing.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Eh although it's not your responsibility, I'd prob just pay the $60 to make it go away.

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  • H
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    heather ·
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    $60. This is very frustrating.

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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    Yeah, unfortunately this is a lesson for your BM. Hopefully they dont cause drama at your wedding over $60.


    ETA: To prevent this i may just pay the $60 like LB said.

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  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·
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    Just tell your friend you are sorry but unfortunately you are not responsible for that amount. You will try one last time to reach out to the friend but after that it is up to her how she handles that attempting to get that money back. You are happy to give her the friends phone number but nothing beyond that. If she still insists I would offer to give her half but not the full amount.

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  • H
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    heather ·
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    My mom thinks I should send her a text saying that "I'll pay the money though I don't think it should be my responsibility, and I don't want there to be bad blood between us".

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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    This isn't your problem. It is however a lesson to your bridesmaid to not loan money you're unwilling to never get back
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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    I dont understand why she thinks this is your fault. lol that blows my mind.

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  • Tammy
    Super October 2018
    Tammy ·
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    I mean People's court maybe?

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  • H
    Just Said Yes May 2018
    heather ·
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    I don't think she thinks it's my fault. I think she is just spending a lot of money right now (as am I, clearly), and doesn't want to be out the extra money and doesn't know what to do.

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  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
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    One of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard is that when you give someone money, you need to think of it as a gift, not a loan. I will never understand why, but so many people are bad about paying money back. Me? I'm always embarrassed if I forget my wallet or don't have enough cash when only cash is taken. I immediately hit an ATM and pay the loan back.

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