Friend/bridesmaid issues

I can totally relate to this. I had a friend who I initially asked to be a bridesmaid, we became friends in college and even though we didn't see each much talked regularly. A few months ago she started to become worse, only wanting to talk about herself and her problems. Never bothering to ask how I was. She had a lot of issues and needed help (like therapy). For me it was becoming mentally draining to the point that I didn't even want to talk to her that much and would ignore her messages. Then she started bad mouthing my FH and his family. Even though she has never met his family, I had to draw the line. I told her this was unacceptable and that if you can't be nice to them or at least be respectful to them I'm not sure if I can continue with this friendship. She was insulting them due to their military service and saying many rude things. Which didn't sit well with me because my FH and his family are veterans. A few days later I looked and she blocked and deleted me on Facebook. I consider the friendship done. I look at this way a year from now I probably would have regretted having her in all my wedding pictures so better to do it now then later.

I was in a similar position. One of my BFFs that I have been friends with for over 20 years is sort of the same way. She gets mad when I can't just drop everything and hang out at her house (30 minutes away from mine) every day anymore because I'm always busy with work or wedding stuff or just really don't have the energy to be driving all over anymore (my commute every day is anywhere between 45 minutes to 2 hours depending on where I'm scheduled that day) and I really just don't want to drive anymore sometimes. She stops talking to me for weeks because of it. She has only ever come over to my house twice in the last 5 years. Anyway...I declined to have her in my bridal party because I didn't want the added stress. She was pretty upset about it but I remained firm and stood by my decision. I'm glad I did.

You aren't obligated to have her in your bridal party. That being said, it may just be because I am older that I have learned this but it's not about the quantity of friends you have, it's the quality. I have "broken up" with a few friends since my mid 30's and have been so much better off because of it. I'm not talking ghosting them or losing touch, I am talking about an actual discussion about what was bothering me. A couple of friends, we had a great conversation and worked things out, a couple of them, it wasn't pleasant but it boiled down to that either I couldn't be the friend they needed or they weren't adding to my life and causing drama. Of course, in the midst of wedding planning might not be the time to have these conversations, but you (theoretically) only get one wedding day so make it about you and if you're not feeling it, don't include her!

She seems incredibly toxic and immature. I was in a situation with a long term friend that i was growing apart from before getting engaged and i confided in my mom and sister about what to do. THeir advice was to think about how i anticipated my friend acting at events (bridal shower, bachelorette, and wedding). And when i thought about that i realized its not the type of energy i want around me on such important days so i decided not to have her as a bridesmaid.