Friend/family member as officiant - to pay or not to pay?

I am paying our officiant around $100 or $120. I'm not sure if that is the proper amount but that's what I'm doing. I would give it to him as a gift and not consider it a payment. Maybe you could gift him an amount you are comfortable with and place it in a Thank You card.

My FH's grandfather is our officiant and I am paying him $100. If he won't take it, which knowing him he won't, I'm just going to tithe it to his church.

Our officiant is our marriage councellor through our church and is not allowed to take payment or gift money for his services. However, a monetary gift is encouraged to the church since our councelling and materials for councelling is paid for by the church. Since it is FH's childhood church, we are gifting the church a $200 donation (since we aren't actually getting married there, just regular Sunday church and councelling), and we are taking our officiant and his wife to a nice dinner a few nights before the wedding. We also had a custom bible ordered that we plan on giving him as well.

My uncle performed our wedding ceremony, we gave him a $50 gift certificate to a nice restaurant that we know he and my aunt enjoy. My parents also gave him some money (it was either $20 or $50) that he refused (it was really funny, he and my mom kept trying to give it back to each other through the whole reception, when he left his jacket on a chair, she put it in the pocket, when he found it, he brought it back, it just went on and on). He considered performing the ceremony a gift to us and did not expect to be paid, but we wanted him to know how much we appreciated it.

Yes, I would "gift" him $100 to $200 in something meaningful to him. Perhaps a donation to his church since he's a minister?

Are they offering to do it as a gift to you? I would talk to them first. There have been a full spectrum of brides who used friends or family as vendors, and it's ranged from free to discounts on the price, to full price. Never assume anything when it comes to other people. You want to be sure to be on the same page.

Ours is a good family friend and isn't expecting anything from us. He is so happy to be doing it. We will give he and his wife a gift certificate to a nice restaurant.

Yes I would say that it depends on the premise of the arrangement. I have a friend who is a part time wedding planner and she has offered to help me with day-of things and was upfront in saying that she'd like to do it for free to build her portfolio. I will be giving her a gift certificate for her help even though she is not expecting!

Have a frank discussion and don't assume anything. I'd say at least 150.00.

Our pastor officiated and when asked what his fee would be said "I didn't get into this business to make money." LOL! So, we gifted the church with a donation.

I would say it is always nice to at least offer something as a way of saying thank you. They can choose to not accept if they wish.

My daughter officiated my wedding, my stepsons, and our cousins. It was HER GIFT TO US. Since we were all on tight bugets we were extremely grateful. But that's just us. And that's my daughter. this is my stepson and daughter inlaw.

Thanks, everyone, for your input! This is helpful.

My grandfather was minster, and when he preformed which was mainly for family and people in his small church. He would often give them back what they gave him as a gift. He died two years ago and I am sad he is unable to preform my wedding.

Dragonfly, I have a feeling my officiant (a friend of mine I met through work) will do the same... and I love your idea! I also love your story about your uncle and mother passing the money back and forth.

If he does refuse, I plan on making something really nice for him and his wife... I do leather and beadwork so I may make jewelry for his wife, and a wallet or something for Brother Rubin.

Our officiant is the pastor of the church I've gone to my whole life and is also a super close friend of my dad's. I also work for his wife. So, while they expect nothing from us we will absolutely pay him. It will be up to my dad but I'm assuming around $200.

One of our best friends is officiating for us. We're going to give him gifts instead of money. He'll get an awesome box of truffles as a gift at our rehearsal dinner (He's obsessed with chocolate) and then we're going to enroll him in a beer of the month club for a couple months. I think this is a much more personal gift than cash, since we asked him to be our officiant due to our close relationship.

Since it seems that you are close with your nephew and friend, maybe a gift would be more appropriate as well.

We are having a friend officiating for us as well. We plan on giving him a gift basket of some type instead of money.

I say have a discussion with them. Just so feelings aren't hurt or messages crossed. See what they would like. If they say "nothing" then I would go with a gift of something would really appreciate.