Friends helping with planning but not invited to wedding.

Sounds like in this case it is rude bc they're expecting to be invited while helping you plan.
You and your SO should be the ones planning anyway. Leave others out of it so you dont get their Hope's up since they're not understanding they arent invited.

If you are needing help with things, you should invite that person. I would be quite upset if I got invested in a friend's happy moment and wasn't considered important enough to be there.

Yes I think it’s rude to involve people and not invite them. If you don’t plan to invite people I would not have them get involved with things.

I think there’s a big difference between a bestie helping their BFF dress shop for a known elopement and a friend helping venue hunt without realizing they won’t be attending the party there. “Small wedding” or “intimate gathering” doesn’t automatically mean family only. If I was close enough to you to shop for venues with you, I’d presume I’d be close enough to be included in an “intimate” something

I do think is rude specially if they’re expecting an invitation. Small intimate can include friends not just family. I’ll make this clear with them because this can ruin your friendship. I’ll personally invite them.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this. If you need help planning, hire a planner.

Yes, that’s rude.

I would find that extremely rude. They work for you (free prob) and not to get invited. Very tacky.

Yes this is rude. Honestly if someone had me come look at venues with them and asked me to dress shop with them and then didn’t invite me to their wedding I’d probably stop being friends with them. My only exception to that would be if they eloped. Intimate weddings can still include friends. Friends of ours got married a few years back and had less than 30 people and we were still invited and attended because of our relationship with them. Friends aren’t automatically excluded from small weddings.

Absolutely. You shouldn't lead people on by incorporating them into the planning process and having them carry some of the stressors or even excitement only to not invite them. I would either invite them especially, since they've already helped or let them know that you and your fiance will handle it from there. Either way, it's already a low blow at this point.

At this point since they've already been helping I would say its more rude. I think its important to be upfront with them about what you're doing. If you really just want it to be family, I would say just tell them that and maybe plan a small party for friends after. But at this point I think its kind of rude not to invite them, and definitely rude to let them assume they're invited if that's not what you had imagined. Like everyone said, small wedding can mean a lot of things. I'm having 50 people and a lot of people consider that small.

I find it extremely rude. Nowadays everyone is so busy with their own lives and when they invest their time in you, they are for sure expecting to be part of your special day. As others have mentioned, if you want the help without having to invite them, you should hire a planner.

You should have told them from the beginning they weren't invited. That is honestly kind of cruel to have your friends be so excited and happy to help you without directly telling them that they are not invited. You should have made it clear from the beginning that it was a family only wedding. Now they are probably expecting to be invited, and I think rightfully so. You should try to find some room in the budget to allow them to come.

I think you could just invite them to a celebration dinner you host to thank them and to celebrate with them

It sounds incredibly rude, like you’re using them for free help. If someone did this to me I doubt I’d be their friend after the fact. And I think you know it too or you would straight up tell them they’re not invited, instead of saying things like “intimate wedding” You’re being purposely deceitful so they will help you. That’s much worse than rude

Yes, it’s rude to ask or allow help. However, you can tell your friends you’re eloping (family only) but would love their support for 1 wedding dress shopping trip. It might be nice to treat them to coffee before or after.